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Wed 1 October 2025 21:40, UK
So this is it, this is the year I turn 30. And, despite common discourse and how hard it’s tried to influence my attitude, I feel great. I’m ready to bid farewell to my insecure 20s and wholly accept this new decade. A new decade laced with more assurance, more wisdom and perhaps most importantly, a willing acceptance that going to bed at 10pm is just fine.
In fact, I am just three years shy of the age Michael Caine was when he played London-dwelling lothario Alfie and a further five years short of the age he was when he played Charlie Croker in The Italian Job. You see, as cliché as it sounds, both mine and Caine’s existence goes to prove that life only starts once you’ve turned the corner of 30. Yes, I did just compare my life to Michael Caine’s, and in this instance, it’s fine.
It’s fine because I hope that in 30 years time, when I turn 60, my birthday celebrations will match the opulence of his. While my growing age has developed a heightened sense of cynicism and I am quick to dismiss Hollywood glamour as a complete fad, the tales of Caine’s elderly birthdays seem to go against every grain of that idea, and upon hearing of them, well, my cynicism has quickly turned into jealousy.
“Two of the most star-studded events of my life must have been my 60th and 80th birthday parties,” the British actor explained. “Both shared with my ‘celestial twin’ (we were born at the same time on the same day, me in London and him in Chicago), Quincy Jones.”
He continued, “For our 60th birthdays in 1993 we took over a club on Beverly Drive and it was wonderful to see so many family and friends from past and present all gathered together—from John Barry and Sidney Furie of my Ipcress File days to Oprah Winfrey and Jack Nicholson. The highlight of the night was rapping with Ice-T. I thought I was actually pretty good.”
Makes my plans of washing down a double cheeseburger and chips with a pint of Guinness seem a little but underwhelming, but fair play, that was Caine celebrating what is double the age of mine. So maybe I will get there. And when I do, I can only hope that I can enjoy it, and look forward to an even more excessive 80th birthday party.
“Our 80th birthday party had to top that, and it did,” Caine explained, barely giving us time to take a breath and process his 60th. “How do you top a birthday party in Los Angeles? You head to Las Vegas and the dining room of the MGM Grand. There were two thousand guests; the cabaret included Stevie Wonder singing ‘Happy Birthday’, Jennifer Hudson, Whoopi Goldberg, Bono and Chaka Khan; my wife, daughters and closest friends were there; and we raised millions of dollars for the Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health, founded by my friend Larry in honour of his father and specialising in looking after people suffering from Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.
“It was a wonderful, joyful evening, and looking around me as Chaka Khan sang the theme tune from Alfie to me, I thought, That’s what it’s all about.”
With just three years until I’m the same age as Caine was in Alfie, setting off a chain of events that ended with a bespoke rendition from Chaka Khan, I better get to work if I want my 80th to look like that.
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