Thousands of women every year are quietly struggling with exhaustion, brain fog and emotional changes as they begin the menopause.
It’s a natural part of life but is still shrouded in misconceptions, stigma and shame. Dee Lukasik spoke to two women who are trying to change that.
Scientist Alison Edwards says hormone therapy helped her regain focus.
Alison Edwards was a successful scientist and lecturer when, at the age of 40, she first started to notice “strange” changes.
She put it down to stress and a busy life, juggling an academic career with raising two children.
But the list of symptoms grew.
Her toes and joints ached without warning, she experienced flashing lights and tingling – signs of so-called “silent migraines” – and hot flushes became unbearable.
Alison, from Gillingham, also faced sudden mood changes, anxiety, brain fog and deep emotional strain.
“My brain just wasn’t working,” she recalled. “I couldn’t function.”
A hormone blood test confirmed perimenopause, the stage when symptoms start, but periods haven’t fully stopped.
She said at first she was not offered treatment by her GP, as she was told her symptoms were part of a natural stage of life, but by the summer of the next year, she was really struggling to get through the day, mentally and physically.
‘I felt like I was disappearing…’
“It wasn’t just frustrating,” she said. “I felt like I was disappearing.
“I was not only physically exhausted but also losing focus, confidence and energy. Dark thoughts began to creep in and the ‘quiet erosion of self’ that often comes when hormonal changes start to affect mental health.”
A turning point came when she found a different GP who listened.
She began hormone replacement therapy (HRT) using oestrogen patches, and after several dose adjustments, “the light came back on.”
Her thinking cleared, she could plan lessons again, and she began to feel like herself.
“It’s still not perfect, but I’ve reshaped my life,” she said.
“Without HRT I wouldn’t be functioning. It gave me my mind back.”
Now she works part-time, manages her health through diet, vitamins and gentle exercise, and speaks openly about the mental health impact of menopause.
Wellbeing coach Heather Lawson from Longfield says midlife can be a time for rediscovery and change.
Heather Lawson was also in her early 40s when she started noticing a change. A manager at a large recruitment company in London at the time, she began experiencing menopause after an operation for fibroids.
“I wasn’t advised when I had that operation that it would send me into menopause. I was completely in the dark,” she said.
Always busy and hardworking, she was known in her office as the colleague who always got things done and never disappoints.
“If something needed to be done, it was always, give it to Heather,” she said.
“Then suddenly, I wasn’t that person anymore. It felt isolating.”
Heather said she experienced brain fog, poor sleep, joint pain and mood changes, symptoms that affected both her confidence and concentration.
Her GP confirmed she was perimenopausal, a diagnosis she described as a relief after months of uncertainty.
“Up until that point, I thought maybe my fibroids had come back or even that it was cancer,” she said.
“The diagnosis meant I could go out and find some information. It gave me something to work with.”
She later found out her mother had endured a “horrific” menopause in silence.
“That made me feel really sad,” she said. “She masked it completely and went through it on her own. I don’t want other women to feel that way.”
‘She masked it completely and went through it on her own. I don’t want other women to feel that way…’
Heather said going through menopause made her reassess everything she had been taught about success.
After years in the corporate world, she decided to leave her job when she realised the dream she had grown up with, that women could “have it all” and handle everything, was not only unrealistic but damaging.
“The menopause forced me to stop and think,” she said. “I couldn’t keep pushing at that pace.”
In 2017, she retrained as a personal trainer and women’s wellbeing coach, determined to build a career that focused on balance, health and self-worth rather than constant achievement.
“Women of my generation were told we could ‘have it all’, a good career, a happy family, a home, and still look after everyone,” she said.
“But midlife is when many of us stop and realise that version of success can come at a cost.
“I want women to feel free to choose what really makes them happy.”
Heather said one of the biggest challenges she wants to overcome is the way menopause is portrayed.
Medication such as HRT can help relieve menopause symptoms.
“Menopausal women are not a hot sweaty mess,” she said. “It’s far more complex than people think.”
Heather lives with her partner Jamie, an ultra-marathon runner who recently recovered from a stroke.
She said men still rarely talk about menopause with their partners or try to understand it.
“Jamie picked up a menopause leaflet at the GP and read it while waiting,” she said. “He wanted to understand what I’m going through. That might sound like a small thing, but it meant a lot.
“Men need to be part of this too. Even if they can’t fix anything, just taking time to understand what’s happening, just knowing it might be a bad menopause day. This really helps.”
After years of confusion, fatigue and self-doubt, both women say they are now stronger and happier, and want to share their experiences to help others understand what menopause really means.
Alison created a community group on Nextdoor, which now has around 300 members exchanging advice, encouragement and practical tips.
Heather launched The Wild Becoming, a wellbeing programme helping women navigate midlife and redefine what success means for them. She runs small group events in Kent and coaches around 15 women one-to-one.
“The transitions I see are just phenomenal when women realise everything they want is within reach,” she said.
Both say the message is simple, women should not face menopause alone.
Research from the Office for National Statistics shows women aged 45 to 64, the typical menopausal years, have the highest rate of suicide among women in England and Wales.
Experts from organisations such as the Menopause Charity and the British Menopause Society stress that suicide is complex and never due to one factor, but they confirm the overlap between hormonal change, midlife pressures and mental health should not be ignored.
Alison and Heather hope their stories will encourage more honest conversations at home, at work and in healthcare about what menopause really involves.
“For too long it’s been something women were expected to endure quietly,” Heather said.
“But silence helps no one.”