Celebrity versions of popular TV shows are usually rubbish – nothing more than a desperate attempt to keep our eyes glued to formats we already know and love. Take Celebrity Race Across the World, which started last night – I love the civilian version, but couldn’t care less about watching C-listers sleep on buses. And yet, The Celebrity Traitors has been different – staggeringly so.
An average of 12.6 million of us have watched the first celeb version of the already popular murder mystery game – numbers that TV bigwigs can only wish for in their wildest dreams. We’ve been hooked on former rugby pro Joe Marler’s “Big Dog” theorising, Jonathan Ross’s impossibly lucky streak and Alan Carr’s transformation from sweaty nervous wreck to a ruthless, lying killer.
With 19 players whittled down to just five, it all came down to an unpredictable, exhilarating final. Two Traitors – Alan and singer Cat Burns – were left in the game, playing against the three Faithfuls: Joe, historian David Olusoga, and comedian Nick Mohammed. Would the Traitors (who have played an absolute blinder) trick the Faithful into handing them the prize money? Or would the Faithful – statistically the worst in the programme’s history – finally root them out and pull the rug from under their feet at the very last minute?
The final prize pot amounted to £87,500 (Photo: Euan Cherry/BBC/Studio Lambert)
We’d have to wait to get our answer, as before that there were a few agenda items to tick off the list. First, the final challenge, in which the celebs had to board a steam train, solve clues to unlock keys which in turn would unlock boxes of cash to add to the prize pot. They had to do all this within 20 minutes – after which the cash would explode.
The challenges have been surprisingly interesting in this series – turns out it’s more interesting to watch Stephen Fry dig his own grave than it is a civvy – but this rigmarole felt like a distraction from the upcoming treachery. Still, the gang looked pretty cool running away from the train as the dynamite blew it up behind them. Better still, they added £20,000 to the prize pot, making the final total an even cooler £87,500.
Then, there was the business of another banishment. The game was in Joe’s hands as he persuaded David and Nick to vote for Cat, while simultaneously convincing Alan and Cat that he would team up with them and banish David.
Somehow – despite his constant giggles – Carr had gone completely under the radar and his forceful accusations towards David seemed to mark him safe from banishment at the very last Round Table. It was Cat’s time to go, leaving Carr as the sole Traitor against three Faithfuls (unbeknownst to them, as Cat didn’t have to reveal her Traitor status upon her departure).
Cat was banished at the last Round Table, leaving last Traitor Alan to fend for himself (Photo: Euan Cherry/BBC/Studio Lambert)
The odds were against Alan. Surely, he couldn’t convince the remaining players that he really was a Faithful – and yet I found myself rooting for him to go ahead and take the lot. Going into the endgame, my nerves were shredded. I can only imagine how he was feeling.
It was finally time for each player to decide whether to continue or end the game depending on whether they believe a Traitor is still among them, by way of the Traitors tradition of throwing dust in a fire. It was Alan’s word against Joe’s in a real David and Goliath battle of wits. Before long, it became clear that Joe’s defiance in (correctly) pointing at Alan as a Traitor drew far too much suspicion to himself and – after all four of them decided to continue the game – it turned out the originator of the (also correct) Big Dog Theory had signed his own death warrant. Or rather, his best friend Nick did.
In the last round of dust throwing, David and Nick decided to end the game, convinced that they had rooted out the final Traitor in Joe. Little did they know that he was still among them and with Alan also deciding to end the game, he was – unbelievably, brilliantly – crowned the winner. The prize money would be going to his chosen charity, Neuroblastoma UK, and his chosen charity alone. And yet that still wasn’t the zenith of the finale.
The prize money went to Carr’s chosen charity, Neuroblastoma UK (Photo: Paul Chappells/BBC/Studio Lambert)
That came when Alan revealed to his fellow players that he was – and always had been – a Traitor. Shock rippled through the room (as did a few expletives), and Alan broke down in tears born of guilt and relief. “It’s been tearing me apart,” he sobbed to his fellow gameplayers as they rushed in to hug him. It was undeniably the TV moment of the year.
The beauty of The Traitors – both celebrity and civilian – is that anything really can happen. One of entertainment’s greatest minds, Stephen Fry, can have no clue about the game being played in front of him. A respected, renowned Olivier Award-winning actor, Celia Imrie, can fart on primetime television. A self-doubting, sweating, panicked comedian can go on to win the entire thing.
This series has proved that it doesn’t really matter who plays. Famous or not, it’s the game itself that reveals itself as the true star.
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