Recently, Dave from Maryland called into The Ramsey Show with a question about money and relationships. Specifically, Dave, who is 48, was trying to decide whether to commit to his girlfriend, who is 44, but he had some concerns about financial disparities between them (1).

“I’ve been struggling for a while now in my current relationship with my girlfriend. I’m just trying to figure out whether I should stay with her or not. Most of it has to do with our differences financially,” he explained.

While money conflicts are a serious issue that people are right to be concerned about in relationships, when Ramsey heard what the disparities were, he didn’t hear “fireworks going off in terms of some kind of bad warning” that would prevent the couple from overcoming a financial gap.

Dave outlined the disparities to Ramsey and it all came down to a difference in earning power and financial drive.

“I’m a small business owner. I think I do pretty well. I’m more goal-oriented, money-driven, success-driven than she is,” he said.

“She really doesn’t have a whole lot financially or possession-wise and sometimes I just feel like I’d rather date someone that has a solid career path and that makes a good salary, someone that’s more focused on their career and money.

While this sounds, at first glance, like a potential obstacle, when Dave provided more detail, it turned out that the big discrepancy was that his girlfriend makes $60,000 while he makes between $80,000 and $90,000. Otherwise, there are no red flags. He admitted that she is frugal, has successfully raised a child on her own, has no debt and doesn’t even have a car payment.

Ramsey says she sounds “pretty incredible,” but what matters is how Dave sees his girlfriend.

“The big question isn’t how much money she has or how much money she makes. That shouldn’t even really be in the discussion,” he said.

“What should be in the discussion is do you respect her character, her work ethic? Do you respect her intellect and what she can add to the equation? If you don’t respect someone, it’s very difficult to love them.”

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Ultimately, partners in a relationship can make different incomes, but if they share the same values, are willing to work toward shared goals and there is mutual respect, Ramsey said income differences don’t matter much because the couple can build wealth together.

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Ramsey makes the point that a couple doesn’t have to make the same amount of money, but they need to be on the same page about financial issues. If one person is a spender and the other is a saver, for example, this could create a lot of conflict unless the couple decides on shared goals, a shared budget and both are willing to stick to the agreement.

The Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis provides some troubling details on the impact of finances on relationships, reporting that money issues are one of the top three causes of divorce, accounting for 22% of marriage breakdowns (2).

Couples should talk about money early on to help reduce the chances of this happening to them. The Department of Financial Protection & Innovation (DFPI) offers some helpful tips for couples that could be useful in avoiding this fate.

According to the DFPI, communication is key and couples must be able to agree on a shared vision for their financial lives. This includes key issues like deciding together whether to merge finances, being able to make a budget together and making sure both parties are committed to being open and honest. It can also be helpful, DFPI notes, to sit down with a financial advisor to help navigate the things you’ll now do together, like combining assets, filing joint taxes and retirement and estate planning.

If you can’t get on the same page about the big issues, or if you don’t trust your partner to stick to financial agreements on things like spending and saving, this could lead to major problems down the line.

Ultimately, the key for Dave is to feel like his girlfriend is bringing something worthwhile to the table — and that doesn’t have to be a big paycheck. If Dave thinks she can do that, and that their goals align, then they should move forward.

“If the values are there, then you can survive it,” cohost George Kamel said.

“You’ll have a nerd and a free spirit, a spender and a saver, but if the values are there, at a foothold and foundation, you can survive a relationship.”

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The Ramsey Show (1); Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis (2); Department of Financial Protection & Innovation (3)

This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: Maryland man is struggling over his girlfriend’s lack of financial ambition. How Dave Ramsey says they can overcome it

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