The day after Christmas can be a letdown. After weeks of preparation, parties, and anticipation, the festivities end, and we are left facing the demands of a new year. Unlike the British, Americans don’t celebrate Boxing Day, and most of us don’t have 12th Night celebrations either. Instead, we clean up wrapping paper, put away the leftovers, and wonder what the new year will bring. If the holidays went well, we savor the memories, but if we spent our holiday trying to please others and disappointing ourselves, it can all feel flat and tiring.
Part of the problem is that we are conditioned to think of Christmas as a magical holiday. The image of a precious baby celebrated by angels and a caring grandfather who rewards good behavior with gifts fuels our hopes for a holiday that will make us feel good about ourselves and the world. While most of our childhood holidays were more nuanced and the realities of adulthood tarnish the magic of the day, we often cling to the idea that if we just prepare enough, give enough, and do enough, we will feel a part of something warm and meaningful. When we fail to achieve that magical feeling, we might get sad, angry, anxious, or bitter.
So maybe the week after Christmas is the time to do an honest debriefing. What did we enjoy, and what didn’t seem worth it? Were we trying too hard to exceed the neighbor’s decorations, to buy bigger and better gifts for everyone on our gift list, to bake every cookie we remember our mother making, or thought she should make? Did we leave enough time to socialize with the people we really care about, or just to rest and enjoy the season?
The Three AIM Questions
What would we need to aim to do in the future to make the holiday more satisfying? Perhaps exploring the following questions could help.
A: Are you striving for an aspirational or an authentic holiday? Throughout much of history, people celebrated based on the resources and social practices available in their community. They told stories, danced, played music, and shared food based on oral traditions and their own experiences.
Their expectations for the holidays weren’t driven by exposure to hundreds of ads, sitcoms, movies, and television shows featuring supposedly happy people frolicking in beautiful locations, eating perfect (albeit fake) food, and flashing perfect (also fake) smiles at everyone around them. While such scenes are pleasing in a voyeuristic way, they aren’t based on real people or authentic emotions. Instead, think about what you would like to feel this holiday and how you might foster those feelings, whether your holiday décor matches a holiday movie or not.
I: Do the holidays make you feel inadequate or inspired about your life? Are you trying to create an Instagram-worthy Christmas letter highlight reel of your life, or are you actually thinking about what matters most to you? Comparing yourself to the curated versions of the lives people share on social media is a no-win endeavor since we are comparing the average of our own experiences to their best scores.
When it comes to the holidays, it is helpful to stop trying to measure up to others and focus instead on how to inspire ourselves or others to make a difference in the world. Volunteering, reaching out to others, and small acts of kindness can replace feelings of inadequacy with inspiration. Life isn’t about putting on a show for others; it is about finding purpose and joy in what we do.
M: The American economy is based on consumerism. Everywhere we turn, we are confronted with efforts to convince us that we need more material goods to be happy. Certainly, living in a comfortable house, driving a reliable car, wearing clothes we like, and having access to things we like to do contribute to happiness. But study after study has shown that acquiring possessions in the absence of a sense of purpose or meaning doesn’t make us happy. In fact, once we are living above the poverty line, greater economic wealth and the accompanying access to material goods don’t impact our life satisfaction.
This is particularly true if we are relying on the things we own to impress others, to console ourselves for our lack of authentic relationships, or to cover our own insecurities. We vary in the causes we find meaningful, but in general, spending time and energy to create something useful or beautiful, to help others, or to solve problems bolsters our sense of self and well-being. Playing a role in solving a problem is far more rewarding than sitting on the sidelines and criticizing everyone else.
If your answers to the three AIM questions indicate that you are happy with the way you celebrated the holidays, then congratulations! But if you think you want more authenticity, inspiration, or meaning in your holiday, you have a whole year to figure out how to do it. Thinking specifically about what went well for you and what didn’t is a start. You might try talking to the people you celebrate with about what they value, and how you could all work together to maximize those experiences.
The question is not whether you need to simplify or enhance your holiday; it is to figure out what matters most, so you can spend your energy effectively. Despite living in a complex, media-driven world, we can still choose to pursue traditions and practices that energize rather than exhaust us. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful Christmas gift to ourselves?