Jimmy Wales
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A history of New Labour written by AI would be a wild ride. Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia, says that large language models have curious ideas about the Blair government, something he discovered by asking them about his wife Kate Garvey, once Tony Blair’s diary secretary. When AI is asked “Who is Kate Garvey’s husband?”, Wales is replaced by anyone connected to the New Labour project, which reveals gaps in the computer’s Blairite knowledge. Wales told The Rest is Politics: Leading: “It recently said she was married to Peter Mandelson.” There is a fairly obvious problem with this: such an eventuality would be unwelcome for Wales, his wife and, perhaps most of all, Mandelson. Not to mention his husband.
There has been much teasing of Keir Starmer for missing a penalty in his Sunday football game, but that is one area where the PM can claim a glorious premiership. Starmer boasts that, under his tenure, the England men’s football team has never missed a penalty. With this being a World Cup year, prime ministerial hopefuls may be best advised to delay any leadership challenge until mid-July.
Behind closed doors
Parliament’s doorkeepers are Westminster’s eyes and ears but, after nearly 50 years on the job, senior doorkeeper Paul Kehoe has started sharing his tales. For instance, he tells The House magazine that during the fight to replace Margaret Thatcher he witnessed a contretemps between the John Major and Michael Heseltine teams. “One secretary in the Heseltine camp picked up a dog’s bowl of water and threw it over the other young lady,” Kehoe said. He and colleagues rushed to the lady’s aid, only for her assailant to return a few minutes later asking for contributions toward a leaving present. The doorkeepers poured cold water on that one.
Perhaps Kehoe’s favourite MP was the Labour minister Mo Mowlam, who once kissed him in central lobby. “You can’t be doing that!” he told her. “The sarjeant at arms is over there!” Mowlam replied: “Sod him, kiss me again.”
Parliament’s dirty secret
In Westminster, no one is squeaky clean — not even the cleaners. A Labour MP has turned their fire on parliament’s janitorial supplies and is demanding that the Commons abandon cleaning products that were animal tested. Alex Mayer’s parliamentary questions revealed that a grand total of five products out of 40 used on the estate do not fit her criteria and said “I believe parliament should set an example by going cruelty free.” That just isn’t possible. Inhumane though it may be to see something trapped and subjected to nasty treatment, we still have to have prime minister’s questions.
News that Lego is to introduce a smart brick has been greeted with cautious interest by the former culture secretary Sir Jeremy Wright, who uses the Danish bricks as a means of relaxation after work. However, the real question about the new Lego will be whether they are any less painful to tread on. “It’s worse to kneel on them,” Wright told Hugo Rifkind on Times Radio. “I’ve tried both and neither are recommended.” Some Lego fans have come up with a way around this. In 2014, a man called Nick Harvey used the bricks to build some slippers. “Next time I step on Lego,” he said, “I shall simply get taller.”