Hilary Duff loves being a mom.
“It’s so fun to watch my kids grow up,” the 38-year-old celebrity told Alex Cooper on a recent episode of the “Call Her Daddy” podcast, adding that, “as they grow, they just get so cool.”
Still, balancing a career as an actress, musical artist, a wife and a mom of four is not easy, especially as it pertains to finding time for herself.
“Once you become a mom, your guilt becomes so thick,” she said. It’s a constant internal struggle weighing whether she should be spending all of her time with her family or setting aside some time for herself, she said.
And sometimes, the self wins. “I had to go drink a martini last night instead of stay home with my family,” she said.
That’s a decision parenting expert and author Reem Raouda supports. Here’s why.
‘Every mother feels that split’
Raouda is familiar with that tug between family and self.
“Every mother feels that split,” she says, the result of societal messaging around putting family first above all else. Doing something just for you can feel like a betrayal.
But “choosing yourself” versus “choosing your child” is a misnomer, she says: The two are not mutually exclusive, they depend on each other.
When it comes to taking care of your kids, “we need to fuel our capacity to show up for our children,” she says, “and that means filling our needs.” Without those breaks to relax, parents can’t bring their full focus and energy to parenting.
Whatever your mode of relaxation, it’s critical to carve out exactly the time Duff is describing. “It’s not self-care versus motherhood,” says Raouda. Instead, “self-care is the foundation of motherhood.”
Ultimately, she says, any time parents take for themselves will be beneficial if it’s used for relaxing, recharging, and doing something they enjoy.
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