The appearance of a mischievous red squirrel on English notes (they are already starring on Scottish banknotes) could be a vital tool in raising their profile among the public. This in turn could help to kick-start the long-overdue campaign to drive out the greys, whether through trapping, poisoning or judicious contraceptive measures.
The late Marquess of Bath – he of the ponytail and numerous wifelets – once came in for an interview on a West Country TV station where I was working and expounded his theory on ways to prevent the poor from starving. He generously handed out bowls of an aromatic stew, redolent of garlic and tomatoes, to everyone in the studio. We sampled it, intrigued. Was it rabbit or perhaps poussin?
“You just take a shotgun into the park,” explained Lord Bath, “blast away, then skin and joint ‘em.” “It’s delicious,” I ventured, “but what is it?” “Oh, grey squirrel of course,” he said airily, as if most members of the lower classes would be in possession of a shotgun and an agreeable park in which to shoot the rodents. In the background, the appalled studio crew tried not to retch too noticeably.