As scorching weather continues across the UK, for some, the thought of sex is unbearable. It doesn’t seem coincidental that following the great heatwave of 1976, birth rates in 1977 were lower than at any other period between 1960 and 2012.
But rising temperatures can raise libido, says Gemma Nice, a sex and relationship coach. “For some people, the heat and the sun boost the production of hormones responsible for joy, pleasure and connection like serotonin and dopamine. For others, the heat causes fatigue and irritability. For them, being touched can set off an anxiety response.”
Nice has heard her fair share of stories about couples trying to keep the spark alive in heatwaves. “I worked with a couple who decided to bring a bag of frozen peas into the bed to keep things cool while they fooled around. Within three minutes, the bag split, the peas had defrosted, and they ended up rolling around in a lukewarm, soggy mess of mushy vegetables. It completely killed the mood and resulted in no sex at all.”
Nice says if your body doesn’t feel comfortable and safe, your libido is going to lock down completely. You have to work with the heat, not against it. “When it is simply too hot for any sexual or physical contact, you have to move towards mental and emotional intimacy, whether that’s self-pleasure, mutual masturbation or other ways to keep the spark alive.” Here she outlines some ways to stay intimate during a heatwave.
Don’t endure hot, sweaty cuddles
How well you know each other absolutely impacts how you interact during warm weather, says Nice. “With long-term partners they can just be upfront and honest with each other and say, ‘I love you, but it is too hot to touch me right now,’ without causing an argument. These couples can happily starfish across the bed or sleep in separate rooms to get a good night’s rest without anyone feeling disconnected or having abandonment attachment issues.”
But she explains that newly dating couples can feel anxious about looking perfect or upsetting each other, “so they often endure hot, sweaty cuddles just to please the other person.”
In a new relationship, Nice advises to break the tension by having an open and honest conversation about the weather. Choose dates with built-in air conditioning, like going to the cinema, taking a slow walk through an art gallery, or having a nice meal at a restaurant. “Instead of ignoring the issue or powering through, talking about it together actually builds a deeper emotional and stronger bond for you to go the long haul.”
Take penetrative sex off the table
Nice says that in a heatwave, trying to have full penetrative sex may make you feel lightheaded, tired, and can even lead to erectile dysfunction because the body is overheating and under too much pressure to perform.
Agreeing sex does not have to lead to penetration can make things easier, she says. “Fooling around without penetration can actually strengthen a couple’s intimacy. It breaks the routine and removes the pressure of both the physical body and overexertion.”
Nice says that forgoing penetrative sex builds a slow-burning tension and anticipation that actually leads to more intense orgasms once the temperature drops.
Indulge in some dirty talk
If dirty talk doesn’t give you the ick, Nice suggests indulging. “Lie completely still on opposite sides of the bed, or even across the room from each other in your underwear. Close your eyes and take turns describing a highly detailed, sexual scenario,” says Nice.
Because you aren’t distracted by physical movement, your focus is entirely on your partner’s voice and the images they are painting. This can help build a massive amount of tension and sexual desire.
Breathwork and eye-gazing
Nice suggests trying synchronised breathwork to help build the sexual tension. “This syncs up your nervous systems and can actually trigger a deep, full-body energetic response without any physical stimulation at all.”
Sit or lie down facing each other, just close enough to look into each other’s eyes but without your skin touching. Set a timer for 5 to 10 minutes. Hold eye contact without speaking. Breathe in sync, inhale together, exhale together.
If this makes you giggle, don’t worry. Nice says: “Once you settle into it, the emotional safety it creates is highly intoxicating and deeply arousing.”
Indulge in some mutual play
If you’re too hot to be in contact with your partner, Nice suggests setting up a fan so it moves between you both, and touch yourselves while looking directly into each other’s eyes.
As she explains: “You get the visual turn on of seeing your partner aroused, you can hear their breath change, but you aren’t sharing any body heat. It takes away all the anxiety around actual penetration because you are completely in control of your own physical comfort and pacing.”
Strip off and chill out together
If it’s just too hot to do anything sexual, Nice recommends stripping down to your underwear, putting a cold ice pack on your feet, and watching a movie together on the sofa or in bed. She explains: “Just sharing the space and being close to each other but not actually touching creates a strong sense of being comfortable with each other strengthening the bond.”
Why you shouldn’t have sex in the sea
Social media is full of heatwave sex hacks that Nice says you need to be wary of. “One of the most popular is having sex in a swimming pool or the sea. This is a terrible idea in practice. Water actually washes away your body’s natural lubrication, creating intense friction against the delicate erectile and vaginal tissue. This causes micro tears, severe irritation, and drastically increases the risk of getting a urinary tract infection or a yeast infection, which no one wants.”
And while a fan may be a saviour in the bedroom while you are trying to sleep, don’t point the fan directly at the bed during sex. According to Nice: “While it sounds nice, blasting high speed chilly air directly onto your hot, damp skin during sex [it] can cause sudden muscle cramps and dry out your eyes and throat, instantly bringing you out of the moment. If you do use a fan, keep it moving to circulate the air instead. It can also dry out your genitals meaning you may create friction and soreness again.”