Recently, my mother passed away suddenly from a hemorrhagic stroke. Along with the shock and pain of losing a parent, my mourning was made even more difficult by the fact that I was overseas while she was dying and unable to be physically present. I felt profound anguish at not being able to say a real goodbye, just a few words over the phone. But in reading about this experience, I soon discovered that I am not alone in grieving from afar.
Transnational Death and Grief
Grieving the loss of a loved one is always difficult, but the challenge can intensify when distance prevents physical presence. Researchers sometimes refer to this as transnational death, the experience of managing grief and bereavement from a distance, separated not only from the loved one who has passed but also from family, friends, and the meaningful places connected to one’s country of origin (Katczynski et al., 2023).
A 2024 study by Nguyễn and colleagues found that transnational death is a common and often challenging experience for many expatriates and migrants. Yet distance doesn’t have to cross international borders to create this sense of loss. Long-distance grief can also happen within the same country, when families are separated by geography, travel barriers, or other circumstances.
Geographical distance can complicate grieving in many ways, presenting emotional, physical, and practical obstacles. People separated from their loved ones may feel intense guilt or sadness at not being present for the death, or mourn the absence of important rituals such as funerals or handling personal mementos. They may feel isolated, grieving apart from the traditional support systems of family and friends. Separation from loved ones and the lack of customary ritual spaces can significantly affect coping and overall well-being.
How to Grieve from a Distance
Even when separated by countries or continents, there are still ways to take part in the grieving process. Maintaining connections with loved ones, when possible, can provide comfort and a sense of shared loss, though this can be more challenging when family relationships are strained or complicated.
One meaningful way to cope is by creating an online memorial to honor the person who has passed. Writing an obituary, composing a poem, or sharing memories can help process the loss and keep the person’s memory alive. Seeking support through online groups, or reaching out to friends and family virtually can also be valuable. The internet has proven particularly helpful for disenfranchised grief, forms of mourning that are not always socially recognized. In these cases, online forums and communities can provide validation, understanding, and connection (Gilbert et al., 2009).
Perhaps the most crucial source of support in these situations is therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space to share the story of loss, work through complex emotions, and develop effective coping strategies. Therapy can also help individuals navigate the anxiety and depression that often accompany grief.
It’s essential to remember that grieving is a process, not something that can be rushed. Allowing oneself to feel and express emotions, and finding closure at one’s own pace, are key steps toward healing. Recovering from transnational grief is undeniably hard, but it is possible, and with support, many people find their way not only to healing but also to personal growth.