The former England rugby international, who is one of the famous faces taking part in The Celebrity Traitors, has spoken openly about his struggles with mental health
Marler has spoken openly about his mental health struggles(Image: Getty Images)
There are few players in world rugby who relished the physical challenge of the game quite like Joe Marler, with the former England prop using his hulking frame and incredible strength to his advantage throughout his career.
On the outside, he seemed to be thriving, winning 95 caps for England and finishing on the podium at two Rugby World Cups, while also going on tour with the British & Irish Lions and making close to 300 appearances for his club side Harlequins.
Having gained a reputation as one of rugby’s most colourful characters, with a renowned sense of humour and mastery of ‘s***housery’, all seemed well in Marler’s world. But, inside, he was struggling with his mental health. Sign up to Inside Welsh rugby on Substack to get exclusive news stories and insight from behind the scenes in Welsh rugby.
The former loosehead – who is one of 19 famous faces taking part in the first series of The Celebrity Traitors – has spoken candidly about his struggles with depression and anxiety, and in recent years has become a leading mental health advocate, becoming an ambassador for CALM and fronting the Sky Sports documentary Big Boys Don’t Cry.
He has also opened up about his own mental health journey in interviews and podcasts, as well as in his memoir Loose Head, in which he details his struggles and the lessons he learnt during his rugby career, which ended in November last year.
In talking about his mental health, Marler has also spoken openly in the past about his “lowest point”, in which a minor argument with his wife Daisy – who was seven months pregnant at the time – saw him suddenly spiral out of control as he “completely lost the plot”.
The England international admitted that he started smashing up his kitchen and “turned the house over” in a furious rage before driving off, “not wanting to be here anymore”, leaving Daisy in tears.
Joe Marler is taking part in Celebrity Traitors(Image: PA)
Detailing the upsetting 2018 incident in an interview with The Guardian, Marler explained how he and Daisy had argued as she was upset he had not swerved to avoid a squirrel in the road as they drove back from dropping their children off at school. While it was a minor disagreement, the former prop admitted he suddenly “snapped,” as he explained: “We got home and I just spiralled and lost control.
“I turned over the kitchen, punched in one of the doors. Then I got in the truck and drove off. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. But it was a massive turning point because it was the most ashamed I’ve ever been. I didn’t recognise who I was anymore.
“After 30 minutes I came back because I was running out on everything good in my life,” Marler added. “Daisy was crying and I was worried she was scared, but we’ve spoken about it often since then. She says, ‘I was never scared of you. I was just upset and wondering who you were and what you were doing.’
“She had no idea even during those times when she’d said, ‘Any danger of you actually being here, when you’re here?’ I wasn’t engaging because I was stuck in this fog. I didn’t feel like I could tell her or anyone because I was in complete denial there was anything wrong with me. We didn’t speak that night.”
After the scary incident, Marler realised he needed to seek help with his mental health, and was aided by the Harlequins team doctor, who noticed the injury to the front-rower’s hand the following day, leading him to break down in tears in front of his team-mates. Join WalesOnline Rugby’s WhatsApp Channel here to get the breaking news sent straight to your phone for free
Recalling seeing his wife crying in the wake of the argument, he said: “That was the moment I was just like I need help. So I went and got help. I went and saw a psychologist called Humphrey and I was not comfortable doing it, even with someone called Humphrey, and I got there and what an incredibly lovely bloke he was.”
The former England international has recalled “losing the plot” and smashing up his house
After going to therapy and taking antidepressants, Marler is now looking after his mental health and has developed techniques to recognise triggers and control his anger. Using his experiences and platform as one of the most recognisable faces in rugby, he has also worked tirelessly to break down the stigma around mental health in sport, encouraging men to have open and honest conversations and seek professional help.
Speaking to Men’s Health about how he looks after his mental health now, the 35-year-old said: “There are techniques I use when I feel my red mist; sometimes they work, and other times they don’t. The biggest thing was learning to recognise when I was going to start feeling that way: knowing what triggers it and finding ways to deal with it early. And to know that there’ll always be these moments.
“My mental health is the same as my physical health. In both, you can put on weight or lose weight; you can put on muscle the same way as you can control how you want to attack the day. You can’t control what might be thrown at you. But you can control how you react to it.”
He added: “We know we have to be mentally strong and physically fit, and yet we’re still rubbing up against the fact that people don’t want to talk about their mind, even though we need to be mentally sharp to compete at the top level. There’s a disconnect.
“Work and sport and the other parts of your life are not separate: your psychology is your psychology. It’s all one thing. How can I possibly focus on using those specific psychological skills for sport if I’m suffering from depression and anxiety away from rugby?’”