There’s a new form of cheating to pay close attention to – and it could be happening right under your nose.
According to couples psychotherapist Debbie Keenan, people should be wary of digital cheating, which she says “is the new emotional affair.” Keenan tells Yahoo UK that digital cheating could include anything from inappropriately texting a colleague to messaging someone on OnlyFans.
“It could be any online interaction,” she explains. “Basically, it’s that excitement after texting someone or getting a notification,” she explains. “Whether it be a text, a comment, a like… if you’re getting external validation and your self-esteem is being boosted, that isn’t innocent.
Keenan says she sees digital cheating “almost up there with actually cheating” because of the outcome. “You’re flirting and your attention is elsewhere – not on your partner at home. Your attention is on whoever is contacting you; that’s digital cheating.”
Here’s how to spot the signs and what to do if you suspect your partner’s being unfaithful.
Subtle signs someone is digitally cheating could include smiling when they get a message. (Getty Images)
4 signs someone is digitally cheatingChanging their profile picture
Keenan says one sign could be when someone who previously had a profile picture of themselves with their partner, or their family, changes it to just a photo of themselves.
“Sometimes I see that and I think, ‘Oh, is there something going on there? Why are they getting rid of the evidence that they’re in a couple or a family?'” she asks.
Buying a new phone
While some people might have two phones – one for work and one for personal use – Keenan says if you’re worried about your partner cheating digitally, pay attention to whether they buy a second device completely out of the blue.
“Lots of people have two phones, but if someone goes out and buys a separate phone, that would be a sign,” she adds, saying that it would allow them to be unfaithful more easily. “If they were innocent, they wouldn’t have another phone, they wouldn’t be turning the phone [away] and they wouldn’t be taking their phone to the bathroom.”
Being secretive
“Other signs are if they start becoming distracted, or when they get a notification, they might go to another room, or they start taking their phone with them everywhere,” Keenan shares.
“There might be even subtle things, like smiling when they get a message. But hiding their phone from you is an obvious one. Also, if they’re changing their passwords.”
Becoming distant in the bedroom
Another sign to pay close attention to is whether your partner’s affection towards you has decreased.
“Even in the bedroom, they might be distant and they might not be initiating sex. You’re going to know something’s off,” Keenan explains.
What to do if you suspect your partner is unfaithfulKeep notes of your suspicions
If you suspect that your partner is having a digital affair, Keenan recommends following your intuition and keeping note of your suspicions, “building up evidence” before addressing them.
Pay attention to their body language
“Observe their body language as well,” she continues. “Observe when they get a notification, are they distracted, are they not present?
“If you are suspicious, do it almost like you’re investigating, but it’s from a calm place. Start being more aware of the way they are around you with the phone. And then I would have that conversation, I would say, ‘Listen, I’m feeling that something’s going on, and I’m just wondering.'”
Keenan says this approach protects you in case they’re doing something like organising a surprise party, but she says she is “99% sure” it would actually be an affair if they’re showing all of the above signs.
Talk to a therapist
Keenan adds: “If they get defensive, or even if you pick up the phone by accident, and they’re a bit shifty, you’re going to know that it’s not all in your head.”
She concludes that it’s important to trust your gut and recommends seeking out a therapist and putting boundaries in place.
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