There is nothing funny about a broken rib. In fact, laughing hurts, so humor is better left out of the equation. There is irony in a former college hockey player slipping on the ice and breaking a rib. This happened after I escaped most of my career without a major injury. Still, here I am, and I am determined to learn from the situation. One week in, here are some takeaways that I would like to share.
Not all injuries are visible. As a psychologist, I know this all too well. It is discouraging to be in intense pain, as with a broken rib, or chronic pain, without anyone being able to see it from the outside. This is also the case with depression, grief, and other forms of mental and physical illness. This feeling is isolating.
No need to keep the secret. I have found that sharing that I am in pain is the best policy. This way, others can lend a hand without judging me for not pulling my weight. I have experienced others, even strangers, as mostly kind and willing to help with heavy doors, etc. Unfortunately, with mental illness, stigma still exists, so I appreciate that we may not wish to share our status with strangers, but please consider sharing it with trusted friends, so they can support us.
Trust the process. I am told by my doctor that my rib is healing. I would not know it from the pain I am experiencing. I am also told there is “nothing I can do.” The parallel with mental illness is strong here, too. When we are grieving or depressed, we tend to feel very little hope that we will ever feel better. It seems to be baked into the illness itself. This is why we must trust the process. I have worked with a broad range of patients in my 20 years of practice. A very high percentage of them have gotten better. The anxious developed coping strategies. The grieving began to heal. The depressed mostly recovered, through cognitive re-framing, processing, and sometimes medication. You may not believe it now, but trust the process and maintain hope that things will improve for you.
There will be setbacks. I was feeling pretty jaunty yesterday, all things considered, because I was in less pain and moving more freely. Then I sneezed. Such a simple act seemed to set me back three days. I was in agony physically and discouraged mentally. It was a reminder that I am not “through the woods” yet. The same is true for mental illness. Most conditions can be managed, with help, although the process can take time. And, there will be setbacks. Sometimes your first therapist is not a great match. Or that medicine, if prescribed, has side effects. The key is to maintain hope and know that progress is achievable but not linear.
Be vulnerable. This one is the hardest for me. Another irony of a broken rib is that it hurts more when I brace myself and less when I am unguarded. If I sit up or hit a bump while riding in the car, my impulse is to tighten my muscles to protect the injury. While understandable, this actually makes the pain worse. If I can relax and be unguarded, it hurts less. I have found the same to be true in relationships. Our impulse is to guard ourselves, but it tends to backfire. I would encourage more openness and vulnerability with the ones we trust. It is difficult, but tends to pay dividends in the end.
A final note is on gratitude. My doctor said something like, “Sure, it hurts, but at least you didn’t hit your head or spine.” Being in pain is never enjoyable, but there are lessons in suffering. If you find yourself suffering, mentally or physically, I wish you recovery and peace. I also find that when the suffering does lift, even temporarily, I know true gratitude.
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