‘I just thought something was wrong with me’
09:35, 25 Mar 2026Updated 10:42, 25 Mar 2026
Ellie as Penicuik Hunter Lass 2025 is now hoping to help others.
A Midlothian woman has detailed her difficult journey with severe anxiety and depression. Ellie Wotherspoon, 22, began to struggle with her mental health at the age of 15, with a visit to the doctor ending in her being told she was ‘attention seeking.’
The administrative assistant and part-time bartender described feeling isolated and misunderstood as she wrestled with her anxiety. Two years ago this led to her suffering from a seizure due to stress which landed her in hospital.
Thanks to her friends and beginning to open up, she has now turned a corner, becoming a mental health advocate to support others who are experiencing difficulties in their own lives.
She said: “Looking back, I think it started when I was around 15. I used to compete with horses a lot, and before competitions I would be physically unwell with anxiety.
“I wouldn’t sleep the night before and would be up all night being sick. At the time, I didn’t fully understand that it was anxiety. I just thought something was wrong with me.
“Alongside that, I struggled a lot with friendships growing up. Whenever I wasn’t feeling okay mentally, I would shut down and distance myself from people. It became a pattern, pushing people away without really meaning to, which only made me feel more alone.”
Ellie described feeling isolated and unable to leave to house due to her anxiety. This further compounded her mental fatigue and anxiety.
Ellie competing at age 15 successfully for Scotland in the Modern Tetrathlon.
She said: “A difficult day felt heavy from the moment I woke up. I felt constantly overwhelmed but also numb at the same time, which is hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it.
“It got to the stage where I was barely leaving the house. I would stay in bed most of the day, take time off work, and completely cut myself off from friends.
“Even replying to messages or doing simple, everyday things felt like too much. Everything just felt exhausting.
“It affected everything, especially my relationships. I found it hard to keep friendships because I would isolate myself or pull away when I was struggling.
“I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling, so instead I just shut people out. That cycle made me feel even more alone, like no one understood me, even when people probably would have if I’d opened up.”
Ellie had to attend public commitments after being the 2025 Lass for the Penicuik Hunter and Lass, which thrust her into the public eye. Despite wanting to shut herself off from the outside world, she often had to put on a mask, and pretend everything was fine, despite struggling internally.
She continued: “There have been so many times where I’ve felt at my lowest, not wanting to leave the house, but I’ve had to put on a dress, show up, smile, and act like I’m having the best night. On the outside I probably looked happy and confident, but inside I felt drained, sad, and completely disconnected.
“I felt like I had to do it because people expect you to be okay, especially when you’re in that kind of role. I didn’t want to let anyone down or be seen differently.
Ellie at 17 would often use her car to drive around and escape her thoughts.
“When I went to university at age 19 to study psychology and education, I was under a lot of stress. I joined hockey and was so nervous going to my first training session
“I arrived at the wrong pitch. Instead of going to the right one I cried in my car and went home but two girls, Beth and Alice, messaged me encouraging me just to come along so I did, and I think that’s when things started getting better for me. I saw my real smile coming back.”
Sadly, Ellie faced barriers in initially accessing care, with her mental health condition brushed off as ‘attention seeking’ by a doctor. This experience has motivated her to speak out in order to battle the stigma attached to those living with mental health issues such as anxiety.
She said: “One moment that really stayed with me was when I was around 15 and felt like I didn’t want to be here anymore. I went to the doctors, but it was brushed off as me ‘wanting attention.’
“That made it a lot harder to speak up again after that. Even though there is more awareness now, there’s still a stigma, especially when you’re younger and trying to be taken seriously.
“At the beginning, I didn’t feel understood at all. I was often told things like ‘young people just want attention’ or ‘you don’t know what a hard day is,’ which made it even harder to open up. It made me question myself and feel like what I was going through wasn’t valid.
“Over time, I did become more open about how I was feeling, and things improved. But in the early stages, that lack of understanding from those around me definitely made me feel more isolated.”
Ellie started university and began to see a change in her mood.
At age 20, Ellie was finally diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, at the time she was offered medication but opted against taking it.
She said “I was scared the medication would change me or make me lose my personality. I also tried therapy, but personally, I found it difficult.
“It felt like I was repeating myself over and over again, and I didn’t feel like I was getting what I needed from it at that time. A lot of my progress has actually come from the people around me.
“My friends have played a huge part in helping me get to where I am now, being able to talk openly, feel supported, and not feel judged has made all the difference. I genuinely feel like I owe them everything.
“I struggled a lot with being alone. I would do anything to avoid it, going to the gym at 1am, going on random drives at 3am, constantly keeping myself busy just so I didn’t have to sit with my thoughts.
“Even though I was always doing something, it still felt incredibly lonely.
“Turning a corner didn’t happen overnight, but over the past few years things started to change when I began opening up to people more.
“One of the biggest things for me has been helping others. Talking to people who are going through similar things and being there for them has actually helped me as well. It made me realise I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was.”
While Ellie still has her difficulties, she described becoming more at peace with being alone with her own thoughts. Now, acting as a mental health advocate, she hopes to raise funds for others who are battling mental health issues by doing a sky dive.
She said: “I’ve learned how to be okay in my own company, which is something I really struggled with before. I also have a really strong group of friends now who support me, and that’s made a huge difference.
She still suffers from difficult days and two years ago ended up in hospital from a stress related seizure.
“I still have difficult days, sometimes I still struggle to leave the house I was in hospital only two years ago due to a seizure that was caused by anxiety and stress. The bad times are nowhere near as bad and last a lot less longer than they used to.
“Now I want to help others because I know how stuck and isolated it can feel. So many people are struggling in silence, putting on a mask even around their closest friends, thinking they’re the only one feeling that way.
“I want people to know that they’re not alone, and that there is support out there. If I can help even one person feel understood or get help, then everything I’m doing is worth it.
“I am extremely grateful I have support and have the opportunity to raise funds and awareness for a cause that is so important to me.”
You can support her fundraiser here.