Recently, my 9-year-old son noticed that I was pouring cashew milk in my coffee. With a curious look, he asked, “Mom, how do you milk a cashew?”

“With tiny fingers!” I replied. This evoked a burst of laughter and more importantly, a bonding moment.

Creating humor is a mood-lifting activity, even when I keep my jokes to myself. In fact, not having the pressure to perform to others’ expectations is part of what makes humor therapeutic for me.

Not long ago, I read Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected and Happy, by comedic writer Chris Duffy. Duffy presents research as well as interviews with physicians, psychologists, and activists that converge to reveal the power of humor in promoting health, well-being, and social connection. He also draws from his own experiences, which are the funniest parts of the book.

Literal Thinking and Its Impact on Humor

Duffy’s work inspired me to reflect on how humor has helped me cope with literal thinking. Literal thinking is a neurodivergent trait that can emerge from trouble with processing cues that someone is using irony or a metaphor instead of meaning exactly what they say.

Decades later, my early literal-thinking moments still haunt me. I remember a time in middle school when a classmate pointed out something about genes. I immediately looked down at the pants I was wearing. The bewildered look on his face made me realize he was referring to “genes” with a “g.”

Little did I know at the time that literal humor had the potential to become a hotbed for creativity.

According to humor expert Lois McElravy, literal humor is the art of amusing others by responding to figurative language in a way that conveys its literal meaning. Here’s one of McElravy’s examples: “Can you spare a minute? (I think I might have one minute available next Thursday at 8 a.m.)” (para. 7).

Research suggests that neurodivergence can be conducive to humor, such as one study showing that restricted interests and repetitive behaviors in autistic individuals were positively associated with appreciating the kind of humor that is used in wordplay or puns—e.g. “I’m inclined to be laid back.”

The Role of Humor in Emotion Regulation

Researchers have also noted that humor can bolster emotion regulation in both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals. Early in my career as a clinical psychologist, I learned that playing with language in fun, idiosyncratic ways helped children engage in therapy sessions and connect with me. Instead of saying, “Tell me about your week,” or “How are you feeling?” my clients and I created alternate labels for these routine questions: “ketchup” meant “catching up” and “chicken nuggets” meant checking in about feelings.

The silly nature of these labels betrayed a deeper meaning. In a subtle but powerful way, the funny phrases allowed us to celebrate cognitive quirks rather than see them as deficits.

This sentiment is exemplified by Hannah Gadsby, a brilliant comedian who was diagnosed with autism in their 40s. Gadsby sprinkles literal humor throughout their stand-up performances.

They talk about a childhood lesson on prepositions when their teacher asked the class to imagine a box and defined a preposition as “a word that explains your relationship to the box” (59:52). Gadsby asked if the box had a name: “I thought if the box had a name, I could work out how we were related” (60:59-61:02).

Gadsby’s teacher responded sharply, “You are being deliberately obtuse,” to which Gadsby replied, “But I’m not a triangle” (64:21-64:24). Their teacher didn’t appreciate the comment. Gadsby went on to turn their literal thinking into a comedy superpower.

As Chris Duffy’s guidance shows, comedy can be meaningful not only as entertainment, but for personal well-being as well. I often find myself adapting his guidance for using literal humor as a mood booster.

1. Wait for the sting to subside

Duffy cautions that sometimes, people need validation more than a good laugh.

Finding a funny twist to literal-thinking moments is easier when your emotions are less intense, rather than when you are feeling embarrassed or hurt. So you might want to take a beat, process the situation, and self-soothe before introducing comedy. Think of it this way: if coping skills are a recipe for better mental health, humor is the seasoning. It can enhance coping while not being the main course.

2. Learn from the best

Duffy recommends watching professional comics and writing down things you find funny so you can reference them in the future. Listening to others’ humor, including literal humor, can help you get better at creating humor out of your own literal thinking moments.

3. Keep flexible masking and unmasking in mind

Duffy advocates for moderation in using humor. For example, he warns that excessively making jokes can make it harder for people to get to know you. He also explores how self-derogatory humor can be harmful in certain contexts, like when it is directed at an aspect of yourself about which you might feel insecure, such as looks or likability.

From the perspective of neurodivergence, using humor as a coping tool might seem like a form of masking, or suppressing behaviors that show your true self, but might also incur judgment from neurotypical people. Excessive masking can lead to burnout and other negative mental health outcomes.

However, according to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) expert Russ Harris, masking can be healthy if done in a flexible way, with self-compassion, autonomy, and with your values in mind.

I’ve often made fun of myself for being bad at board games (the jokes masked my insecurities about this). However, some of my younger clients indicated that they wanted me to challenge them, and maybe I could try harder. In line with my values of being a better therapist, I unmasked my self-derogatory humor by learning strategies to improve my skills, thereby becoming a better therapist and winning a few games.

When used constructively and with an open mind, humor can be neuro-affirmative as well as a tool for inspiring compassion and fun.