For all these years, one option had been presented to her: shaving her head entirely. She’d always resisted doing so in hopes she could recover and overcome the condition.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“To a girl, it’s very scary to shave your head,” Ms Kua said. “I just felt like, wah, I would be super ugly.”<\/p>\n
Last October, she bit the bullet and went to the barber to ask for a clean shave.<\/p>\n
“At the start, I felt ugly when I looked at my reflection. It was very weird.”<\/p>\n
However, it immediately proved to be a significant relief for her trichotillomania. Having no hair to pull greatly reduced the urge to pull. Even when the urge did resurface, it could do no harm.<\/p>\n
“After shaving my hair, I couldn’t hide behind the way I looked anymore,” Ms Kua said. “I had to face myself more truthfully and work to redefine what is beautiful to me.”<\/p>\n
However, years of pulling her hair out had effectively killed off many of the follicles on her scalp, meaning it was tough for hair to regrow at all.<\/p>\n
That same month, she underwent scalp micropigmentation, a cosmetic tattooing procedure that creates the illusion of follicles on one’s head. The procedure typically takes several sessions over weeks or months, depending on how much microblading is needed.<\/p>\n
Since then, she has shaved her head weekly.\u00a0<\/p>\n
However, while this solution seemed much more promising, it brought new difficulties.\u00a0<\/p>\n
While her father admires her scalp tattoos and thinks her shaved look is “cool”, her mother has found the change much harder to accept.<\/p>\n
For Madam Hoe,\u00a0who declined to have her full name published, bearing witness to her daughter’s hair-loss struggle has been a source of much despair over the past several years.<\/p>\n
“When I see Lynette suffering and in pain, I am also in pain,” Mdm Hoe said. “If I could take over her pain, I would.”<\/p>\n
Even after Ms Kua found new relief in shaving her head entirely, Mdm Hoe still longed for her daughter to look, as she once put it, “pretty and gorgeous”.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It has caused moments of friction between mother and daughter. For instance, Ms Kua adamantly refuse to take new photos of herself wearing wigs.<\/p>\n
“I didn’t want to any more,” she said. “I told my mum I only want pictures of myself as I am now.”<\/p>\n
Smoothing over the tension remains a work in progress, she added. Yet, small gestures suggest a softening: While at the market, her mother will sometimes pick up a scarf for her daughter, so she can have more choices for her bandanas.<\/p>\n
Ultimately, Mdm Hoe’s dearest hopes for her daughter are beyond skin deep.<\/p>\n
“If she is happy, on the right path and can eke out a living for herself … I would be most proud,” her mother said.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“I COULD MAKE OTHERS FEEL LESS ALONE”<\/p>\n