That was ten years ago and despite Debi\u2019s many desperate attempts to reach out, her daughter has refused to engage with her, leaving a profound emotional toll. \u2018You lose yourself,\u2019 the 61-year-old says. \u2018Being a parent is such a huge part of your identity and to have that taken away is devastating.\u2019<\/p>\n
Debi is far from alone: as the Daily Mail revealed earlier this year in a piece on the growing number of adult children choosing to sever contact with their parents, with research by the charity Stand Alone suggesting that approximately one in five of the UK population has been impacted by the phenomenon.<\/p>\n
Behind that stark statistic, meanwhile, are countless parents suffering in silence because of the ongoing stigma associated with family estrangement. \u2018Explaining that you are not in contact with your children is incredibly difficult,\u2019 says Debi, from Berkshire.<\/p>\n
\u2018There is this sense that you must have done something profoundly wrong as a parent. I believe that despite how common it is. It\u2019s one of society\u2019s last taboos.\u2019 Yet it is a taboo that can strike any family: the schism between Prince Harry and his father, and Brooklyn Beckham\u2019s decision to isolate himself from his celebrity parents David and Victoria, have underlined how status, fame and fortune offer no protection against its sting.<\/p>\n
Debi\u2019s story reaches back two decades and is rooted in an unhappy marriage to Sasha\u2019s father. She recalls years of supporting her husband through family tragedies, only to find herself blamed when she experienced a serious car accident in 2005. It was an event that brought her life into sharp focus. \u2018My husband\u2019s reaction was, \u201cI suppose it was your fault, was it?\u201d That was the final straw. I knew I couldn\u2019t stay any longer,\u2019 she recalls.<\/p>\n
![\"Debi](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/102788507-15149347-Debi_Richen_s_daughter_Sasha_abruptly_severed_contact_ten_years_-a-123_1759881577.jpeg\")
<\/p>\n
Debi Richen’s daughter, Sasha, abruptly severed contact ten years ago.\u00a0\u2018There is this sense that you must have done something profoundly wrong as a parent,’ she says<\/p>\n
![\"When](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/102580589-15149347-When_Sasha_pictured_as_a_child_gave_birth_to_a_baby_girl_Debi_wa-a-124_1759881577.jpeg\")
<\/p>\n
When Sasha (pictured as a child) gave birth to a baby girl, Debi was the last to know, learning the news from a cursory call from her daughter\u2019s boyfriend<\/p>\n
The decision came at a heavy cost: within 24 hours of announcing her intention to separate, Debi says friends and relatives on her husband\u2019s side closed ranks. She was told her then 14-year-old daughter, to whom she had always been close, had chosen to stay with her father. \u2018I never got the chance to talk to her to explain what had happened. I was not allowed to have a private conversation with her,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018I was simply told, \u201cShe\u2019s chosen to stay with Dad\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n
What followed was a decade of what Debi calls \u2018all-out war\u2019 between her, her ex and her daughter during which any fragile attempts at reconciliation were swiftly derailed.<\/p>\n
\u2018I did everything I could to reach out to Sasha but on the few occasions I saw her, I spent my whole time terrified of saying the wrong thing,\u2019 she remembers.<\/p>\n
\u2018She lived a stone\u2019s throw away and had to walk past my house to go to school but sometimes months would go by without me setting eyes on her. If I tried to phone her she wouldn\u2019t answer and, on the rare occasion she did reply to my text messages, it was terse.\u2019<\/p>\n
The consequences were profound. \u2018For a long time I couldn\u2019t even walk down a supermarket aisle if there was a young mum with a baby,\u2019 Debi recalls. \u2018I\u2019d turn away, sometimes abandon my shopping, because the pain was overwhelming.\u2019<\/p>\n
When Sasha reached 18, contact increased but the relationship remained strained. \u2018It was always on her terms and highly prescribed,\u2019 says Debi. Then, at the age of 24, Sasha fell pregnant \u2013 and Debi dared to hope that relations were thawing. It was not to be: when Sasha gave birth to a girl, Debi was the last to know, learning the news from a cursory call from her daughter\u2019s boyfriend. \u2018I saw pictures on Facebook showing my ex and his new wife cuddling her by my daughter\u2019s hospital bed,\u2019 she says. \u2018It was devastating.\u2019<\/p>\n
Debi met her granddaughter just five times in her first year and was never allowed to be on her own with her. \u2018Sasha wouldn\u2019t even allow me to change a nappy,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
Then, in July 2015, Sasha came to a birthday dinner with the baby and Debi dared to hope it signalled a new start to their relationship.<\/p>\n
![\"Debi,](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/102580593-15149347-Debi_pictured_with_Sasha_and_her_mother_was_disinvited_from_her_-a-125_1759881577.jpeg\")
<\/p>\n
Debi, pictured with Sasha and her mother, was disinvited from her daughter’s wedding and since then, contact has been virtually non-existent, with Sasha refusing to engage even when Debi broke the news of her grandmother\u2019s death<\/p>\n
\u2018We had the most wonderful evening,\u2019 she says. \u2018She kept ringing on the way to apologise for being late. It felt normal and loving.\u2019<\/p>\n
Nothing, she says, occurred during that evening to prepare her for what happened next: just a couple of weeks later, Debi woke to find her daughter had posted accusations about her on social media. \u2018I was accused of hijacking her forthcoming wedding, when I had been terrified of saying anything. The one time I did speak up, asking for my deaf and sight-challenged mother\u2019s seat to be closer to the top table, I was attacked for telling her how to seat people.\u2019<\/p>\n
Two weeks later, she learned she had been disinvited from the wedding and since then contact has been virtually non-existent, with Sasha refusing to engage even when Debi broke the news of Sasha\u2019s grandmother\u2019s death in 2021. \u2018It\u2019s a form of bereavement, with all the grief of milestones never shared and dreams never realised, except it\u2019s not recognised by society,\u2019 she reflects.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s one of the reasons she decided to train as a coach and mentor to support estranged parents, as well as setting up an online support group. \u2018Within 24 hours, there were seven people in that group. Within three weeks, we had 1,500,\u2019 she says. \u2018It gives some indication of the extent of people\u2019s suffering.\u2019<\/p>\n
Psychologist Dr Joshua Coleman, who has written books on estrangement, says changing social mores and the rise in therapy mean more people are walking away from their families, with many from younger generations choosing to prioritise their own feelings over those of the wider community or their parents.<\/p>\n
\u2018Every single letter that I get from an estranged child about their parents says: \u201cI need to protect my mental health and I\u2019m happier not being in contact\u201d,\u2019 he explains.<\/p>\n
\u2018From the parents\u2019 perspective, it can look very abrupt and there isn\u2019t an obvious precipitant, while from the adult child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s typically a build-up and a series of events that lead to a weakening of the fabric of the relationship until it just tears apart.\u2019<\/p>\n
At home in Cornwall, Sally Graham wonders if that is what happened with her daughter Imogen, who cut off contact three years ago following Sally\u2019s decision to remarry. \u2018When I look back at everything that has happened I wonder if she was waiting to find a reason to break off our relationship,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
For many years mother and daughter were close. When Sally and her first husband believed they could not have children, they decided to adopt and \u2013 on \u2018the most wonderful day of my life\u2019, says Sally \u2013 we were given five-week-old Imogen. \u2018She was my parents\u2019 first grandchild and it was joyous,\u2019 she says. \u2018She knew from a young age that she was adopted and she took it very well.\u2019<\/p>\n
Intelligent and ambitious, Imogen, now 38, won a scholarship to a private school and, while adolescence brought challenges, the relationship with Sally remained warm. \u2018She was never very tolerant of other people\u2019s weaknesses and she could be quite easily irritated but she was studious and loved school,\u2019 says Sally. \u2018I thought we were close and I really did feel close to her.\u2019 On occasion, Imogen seemed to resent her two younger brothers, who came along naturally, much to Sally\u2019s surprise. \u2018They were quite a handful and I wonder if she thought they dominated my time,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
She acknowledges that, as her daughter grew older, their relationship became more complicated: Imogen chose not to go to university, instead moving to Yorkshire to be with her boyfriend. She married young, divorced, and later had a seven-year relationship that ended badly. \u2018During that time she seemed to always be falling out with people,\u2019 Sally says. \u2018She pushed people away. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, trying to protect her.\u2019 Then her daughter moved away for a fresh start. \u2018She always seemed to be searching for something,\u2019 Sally says.<\/p>\n
It was in 2019 that Imogen had a terrible car accident. She was in her early 30s and it was Sally who dropped everything to care for her during her difficult recovery, only for that care to be repaid with hostility. \u2018She was absolutely awful to me,\u2019 she says. And when Sally broke the news that she wanted to end her marriage to Imogen\u2019s father, her daughter \u2018completely turned\u2019 on her.<\/p>\n
Over time the pair rekindled contact \u2013 until, in 2022, Sally told Imogen she had formed a relationship with a new partner, who had previously been a good friend.<\/p>\n
\u2018I explained on the phone that my new partner and I had grown closer and she was, or seemed to be, absolutely fine,\u2019 she recalls.<\/p>\n
\u2018Two days later, I received the most horrendous abuse on WhatsApp \u2013 she said I was the worst mother imaginable and the reason she\u2019d decided not to have children herself. I was devastated. When I then sent a birthday message via my son, she emailed to say if I tried to contact her again, she\u2019d have me arrested.\u2019 The emotional toll has been severe. \u2018I\u2019ve had to shut off a bit of my heart for self-protection,\u2019 she says. \u2018Christmases and birthdays are particularly hard. It\u2019s like a death, but worse, because you can\u2019t properly grieve. There\u2019s no closure.\u2019<\/p>\n
It is cold comfort that estrangement is more common than people realise. \u2018I\u2019ve met three other women in the same situation in my small town,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
In Newcastle, meanwhile, David Wheeler is reeling at the way his children \u2013 a son aged 28 and a daughter, 25 \u2013 have turned against him. Now 57, he initially raised them alone following the death of his wife from cancer 20 years ago.<\/p>\n
\u2018It was tough and there were times I felt overwhelmed but I tried to make sure they had stability, love and guidance,\u2019 he says of becoming a single parent to an eight and five-year-old. \u2018I always tried to be there.\u2019<\/p>\n
It was a decade after his wife passed that David, who runs his own business, met Clara, a lively, warm-hearted woman from a local tennis club. \u2018We clicked immediately,\u2019 he says. \u2018We were friends for a long time before it became romantic, but when it did, I thought the children would be happy for me.\u2019<\/p>\n
Yet almost immediately, the reactions of his then teenage children were icy. \u2018My daughter was the first to speak her mind,\u2019 David recalls. \u2018She said she felt betrayed, like I was replacing their mother, like I hadn\u2019t thought about their feelings. The harder I tried, the more distant she became.\u2019 His son was no different. \u2018Everything was tinged with tension,\u2019 David says.<\/p>\n
\u2018Any mention of Clara and everything changed. Every occasion became a minefield.<\/p>\n
\u2018I tried to remain patient, but it was heartbreaking.\u2019<\/p>\n
As the children got older, polite distance turned into silence \u2013 until his daughter stopped speaking to David entirely.<\/p>\n
\u2018She blocked my calls and stopped responding to my messages. I sent letters, tried emails, small gestures, but nothing worked,\u2019 he says. \u2018It felt like being erased from her life. While he sees his son occasionally, their meetings are characterised by a chilly politeness. At times the experience has plunged David into despair. \u2018I kept asking myself should I have waited longer? Should I have explained myself differently? Maybe. But I also knew I couldn\u2019t live my life suspended, afraid of making them angry. I had to be honest about my happiness, even if it hurt them.\u2019<\/p>\n
His only recourse has been to focus on what he does have. \u2018I love Clara and she\u2019s been my anchor through this. I have my health, my marriage and friends who\u2019ve become family, and I\u2019ve had to accept that, sometimes, life doesn\u2019t follow the path you expect. I can\u2019t control my children\u2019s choices, only how I respond.\u2019<\/p>\n
And as Joshua Coleman \u2013 who was estranged from his own adult daughter following his remarriage but is now happily reconciled \u2013 points out, not all estrangements are doomed to last forever.<\/p>\n
\u2018A large study undertaken in the US found that around 80 per cent of mothers eventually reconcile with their children and roughly 70 per cent of fathers do so,\u2019 he says.<\/p>\n
Whatever the statistics say, Debi lives in hope. \u2018The longing never goes away. You carry it every day. I live with continuous hope but in the meantime I\u2019ve learned to live and to help others who are carrying the same unbearable weight,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
In Cornwall, Sally also dreams of the moment Imogen knocks on her door. \u2018I\u2019d welcome her with open arms,\u2019 she says. \u2018But I\u2019ve also got to get on with my life.\u2019<\/p>\n
She hopes that by sharing her story, it will help others understand the appalling trauma of estrangement.<\/p>\n
\u2018Parents shouldn\u2019t have to suffer in silence, ashamed of something they never chose,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018We need to say out loud: estrangement is a form of grief and it deserves compassion.\u2019<\/p>\n
Some names have been changed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Debi Richens describes the moment her world fell apart for the second time as \u2018sudden and brutal\u2019. A…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":184955,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[97,519,59,86,56,54,55],"class_list":{"0":"post-184954","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-technology","8":"tag-dailymail","9":"tag-femail","10":"tag-gb","11":"tag-technology","12":"tag-uk","13":"tag-united-kingdom","14":"tag-unitedkingdom"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184954","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=184954"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184954\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/184955"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=184954"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=184954"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=184954"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}