Until recently, I wasn\u2019t aware that there was such a seismic gap between how my tween texts and how I text. I thought I was modern simply because I was using my mobile to communicate versus speaking face to face. But I was wrong. <\/p>\n
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According to my tween here\u2019s all the things that are not cool AT ALL to do on this platform (calling it a \u201cplatform\u201d would be one). If you\u2019re doing any of them \u2013 you better desist. Unless you don\u2019t care, in which case, why are you reading this?<\/p>\n
1. Using full sentences<\/p>\n
Typing out a text as if it\u2019s an actual letter and using full sentences with full stops, commas etc. This is a big difference I\u2019ve noticed between me as a Gen X dinosaur versus the younger generation<\/a>. My daughter tends to type one word messages to her friends, and they send one word responses back.<\/p>\n They expect immediate responses too, which is why they just type HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY a million times until they get a text back.<\/p>\n In contrast, I make myself a nice cup of Earl Grey, sit down at the kitchen table, and \u2018compose\u2019 a message like a twerp with a frilly shirt from a period drama, quill pen in hand: \u201cDear Beloved. I would love to attend your drinks soiree next week. Would you please inform me if there is a dress code for the evening and send me the exact Google map directions? Finally, let me know who else is in attendance so I can cancel if there is someone coming that I have written about and now hates me. Can\u2019t wait to see you! Yours affectionately \u2013 Anniki :)\u201d<\/p>\n 2. Using emojis<\/p>\n I like to sign off with a little \ud83d\ude42 in most of my communications. A kiss is too much but I don\u2019t want to come across as a cold-hearted bitch. The world is a horrible place so I figure a little smiley face makes it feel a bit less so. But now apparently no one uses emojis (unless they are very niche ones that only your friends understand and change daily in terms of whether they\u2019re OK or super naff).<\/p>\n \u201cMum NOBODY uses the smiley face emoji<\/a>,\u201d my daughter said recently looking over my shoulder. \u201cWhat about the thumbs up?\u201d (Confession: I also use this a lot). \u201cThat\u2019s aggressive,\u201d she replied, \u201cReally old fogey too.\u201d Apparently \u2013 she says \u2013 because I am 52, I should not be using any emojis.<\/p>\n When I check my daughter\u2019s messages (she\u2019s 12, so I check regularly), I think all the kids sound rude<\/a> with zero empathy. There is no, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d No kisses. It\u2019s hard and to the point. I find it a bit depressing. Perhaps they don\u2019t have to be desperate for people to like them \u2013 like I am.<\/p>\n 3. Sending podcast-length voice notes<\/p>\n You know the long and meandering voice notes where you make cups of tea\/feed the cat\/go to the shop\/get on a bus and carry on talking but nobody can decipher what it is you\u2019re saying? Those.<\/p>\n I\u2019m actually with the kids on this one. I love a good voice note <\/a>if it\u2019s punchy, and entertaining. I don\u2019t like long ones though as it assumes I have seven minutes to sit down and listen to it all. Not only is it boring, but according to my Gen Alpha<\/a> daughter, it\u2019s also not cool.<\/p>\n She only leaves very short ones \u2013 just like her texts. Think about who is receiving it. Will they be rolling their eyes whilst they play it to their friend, complaining about how your message has no point and is incomprehensible because you put the coffee machine on whilst speaking?<\/p>\n 4. Trying to seem like a young person<\/p>\n In secondary school<\/a>, we had a supply teacher who used to come into the classroom with the greeting: \u201cYeah Boi!!\u201d (In the style of a hip-hop battle compere.) We used to roll our eyes, of course, and then one day Tamsin Johnson chopped his tie right off with a pair of scissors (it had musical notes on it if I remember correctly). Oh, how we laughed! That old uncool fool.<\/p>\n
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