{"id":245668,"date":"2025-11-05T17:16:08","date_gmt":"2025-11-05T17:16:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/245668\/"},"modified":"2025-11-05T17:16:08","modified_gmt":"2025-11-05T17:16:08","slug":"the-guardian-has-only-ever-published-15-zero-star-reviews-here-they-all-are-television","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/245668\/","title":{"rendered":"The Guardian has only ever published 15 zero-star reviews. Here they all are | Television"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lucy Mangan\u2019s Guardian review<\/a> of Kim Kardashian\u2019s new Disney+ legal drama All\u2019s Fair was something of a rarity. Not necessarily because she didn\u2019t care for it \u2013 the scorn has been universal \u2013 but because she gave it zero stars.<\/p>\n

Not two, the score you give something you want to write off as too mediocre to break sweat over. Not one, which is what you give something if you want to make the people who made it wince. Zero stars. All\u2019s Fair, according to this newspaper, is a product entirely devoid of discernible worth. In the entire 204-year-old history of this publication, only 15 zero-star reviews have ever been written, and All\u2019s Fair is so unremittingly awful it got one of them. These are the other 14, presented here as the Guardian\u2019s Mount Rushmore of crap.<\/p>\n

Boat Trip<\/a>, film review, 2002<\/p>\n

A notorious Cuba Gooding Jr comedy, and the first zero-star recipient in the history of this newspaper.<\/p>\n

What we said Peter Bradshaw wrote: \u201cEven the direst of recent teen-smut films have had a puppyish energy and an eagerness to please. But this? With its dated, clueless, unintentionally offensive gags about Swedish bimbos, like something from The Producers, only minus the laughs, it\u2019s just living death.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Five years previously, Cuba Gooding Jr won an Oscar for his role in Jerry Maguire. Boat Trip was nominated for two Razzie awards and is widely thought to have negatively impacted his career.<\/p>\n

Could do better \u2026 the 2002 Fame Academy contestants. Photograph: Tim Whitby\/PA<\/p>\n

The seal well and truly broken, it took only six months for another review to reach the same giddy depths \u2013 this time for a live concert spin-off of a BBC talent show.<\/p>\n

What we said Alexis Petridis wrote: \u201cThis concert could be no more efficient in parting parents from their cash if the Fame Academy students leapt from the stage and started snatching wallets at knifepoint.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Fame Academy limped on for a second series after this, before being axed.<\/p>\n

The Vines<\/a>, concert review, 2003<\/p>\n

Just a week after the Fame Academy concert we gave a third zero-star review, as a then red-hot Australian rock band took to the stage of the Astoria in London.<\/p>\n

What we said David Peschek wrote: \u201c[Singer Craig] Nicholls is cast as the tortured lightning rod for a generation\u2019s pain, so he sprawls on the floor and screams into the mic almost constantly. But this is not pain, it is a simulacrum of pain offering neither visceral thrills, insight, poetry nor catharsis. It is like watching a tantrum.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? The band have released a further six albums since their 2002 debut, none of which captured the public imagination like they did in their early-00s heyday.<\/p>\n

A country album by a duo comprising singer Big Kenny and the bassist from Lonestar, featuring songs such as Kick My Ass and Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy). The only album ever given zero stars by the Guardian.<\/p>\n

What we said David Peschek (again) wrote: \u201cLike the Bush twins at the MTV awards, this is arch-conservatism in a half-hearted search for cool. Big? Almost certainly and hence, quite probably, rich too. Not, by any means, clever.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Big and Rich won a Billboard Music award in the same year as this review; they have since been nominated for three Grammys and 17 Academy of Country Music awards.<\/p>\n

\u2018An experiment in charmlessness\u2019 \u2026 Turner prize-winning artist Martin Creed turns his hand to music. Photograph: Murdo Macleod\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

A gig by the British artist who had won the Turner prize three years previously.<\/p>\n

What we said Alexis Petridis (again) wrote: \u201cThis show is provocative only in that it seems less like a gig than an experiment to see how charmless and pleased with himself a man can appear before the audience storm the stage and physically attack him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? In 2017, Lyn Gardner reviewed another of Creed\u2019s concerts<\/a> for the Guardian. She awarded it four stars and called it \u201cendearing, exposing, ticklish and so totally unassuming that it\u2019s hard to resist\u201d.<\/p>\n

One week later, equalling the record set the year previously, came a zero-star review of a play written by former Radio 1 DJ Mike Read.<\/p>\n

What we said Elisabeth Mahoney wrote: \u201cThe radio microphones, especially that of Peter Blake playing Oscar, are giving out only horribly patchy sound. We hear cast members speaking off stage. We endure duets where one singer is at full volume, while the other has no amplification at all. As this grim evening continues, you begin to wonder whether the sound system is being affected by the hefty rumbling of Oscar Wilde turning in his grave.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Oscar Wilde closed after this, its debut performance. That makes it far less successful than Cliff, Read\u2019s 2003 musical about Cliff Richard, which ran for three full months.<\/p>\n

The following year, the Guardian reviewed a live version of the first series of ITV talent show The X Factor<\/a>.<\/p>\n

What we said Helen Pidd wrote: \u201cThere are few experiences in cultural life that can shake one\u2019s faith in the basic good of humanity, but sitting among 10,000 free-willed citizens who have paid \u00a323.50 to watch blood-draining, pulse-stopping karaoke just about does it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? The X Factor\u2019s television audience would increase to a peak of 19.4 million viewers by 2010, before contracting until it was axed in 2018.<\/p>\n

After a three-year zero-star absence, along came a Spanish-language retelling of JM Barrie\u2019s beloved book, presented with English subtitles.<\/p>\n

What we said Lyn Gardner wrote: \u201cThe show\u2019s publicity proudly announces that one million Spaniards have seen this show, which just goes to prove that there is no accounting for statistics.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? The musical ran in the UK for 36 performances. None of the British reviews were particularly kind.<\/p>\n

After a two-year gap came a revival of Ren\u00e9e Taylor and Joe Bologna\u2019s 1981 romantic comedy.<\/p>\n

What we said Lyn Gardner (again) wrote: \u201c\u2018I have no talent,\u2019 cries Vito as he considers giving up his career and becoming a full-time writer. It\u2019s clearly not going to stop him or the deluded Theda, and it clearly didn\u2019t stop the writers of this painfully contrived piece of wish-fulfilment.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? The play is still being performed around the world today, although reviews tend to be mixed.<\/p>\n

Valkee 2<\/a>, technology review, 2014<\/p>\n

Four years later, a first: the only zero-star technology review doled out by the Guardian, for a device that claimed to cure seasonal affective disorder by shining light into your ear canals.<\/p>\n

What we said Samuel Gibbs wrote: \u201cNone of the peer-reviewed studies listed in Valkee\u2019s \u2018science summary\u2019 appears to be conducted without a conflict of interest with the company that produces the light headsets, having at least one of Valkee\u2019s founders on each of the research teams.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Valkee filed for bankruptcy in 2021.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\u2018Crams in every deviant activity you couldn\u2019t begin to imagine \u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

Almost a decade and a half after Peter Bradshaw awarded a film zero stars, a second contender enters: an American comedy horror directed by Jim Hosking.<\/p>\n

What we said Wendy Ide wrote for the Observer: \u201cThis aggressively inane horror comedy manages to cram in every disgusting, deviant activity you couldn\u2019t begin to imagine. And yet, it\u2019s still rather boring.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Jordan Hoffman also reviewed <\/a>The Greasy Strangler in this newspaper, and described it as a \u201crelentless monstrosity of a film \u2026 rife with fetishised cellulite, disgusting food and firehose penises.\u201d He awarded it four stars.<\/p>\n

The seventh season of ITV\u2019s juggernaut reality show<\/a>, and the second to be broadcast following the death of its original host, Caroline Flack.<\/p>\n

What we said Lucy Mangan wrote: \u201cI hate myself as much as I love Faye, Kaz and Hugo and love it as much as I hate the rest and the whole retrograde stink of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Love Island<\/a> is still being broadcast, although it attracts half the audience it did in 2021.<\/p>\n

Agonising \u2026 Sex: Unzipped. Photograph: Netflix<\/p>\n

Netflix\u2019s \u201ccelebration of sexual health and positivity\u201d, hosted by rapper Saweetie and featuring Romesh Ranganathan, Katherine Ryan and some puppets.<\/p>\n

What we said Lucy Mangan (again) wrote: \u201cSaweetie is, especially for someone used to performing \u2026 uncomfortable, self-conscious and with a relentlessly flat delivery \u2013 it\u2019s quite agonising. Perhaps she would be better off without the sex-positive puppets?\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Sex: Unzipped has a 60% Rotten Tomatoes rating. It has not been renewed.<\/p>\n

A UK-based spin-off of Netflix\u2019s Selling Sunset<\/a>, following a band of high-end British estate agents.<\/p>\n

What we said Rebecca Nicholson wrote: \u201cI hate that it makes Richard Curtis\u2019s film Notting Hill look like a gritty documentary about the mean streets of London. I hate its England-for-dummies shtick that is clearly pitched at an international market. I hate its reverence for billionaires and bad taste, its celebrity name-dropping without actual celebrities, even the lurching drone footage that seems to have been shot by the Red Arrows.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was it justified? Buying London has a 14% Rotten Tomatoes rating. It has not been renewed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Lucy Mangan\u2019s Guardian review of Kim Kardashian\u2019s new Disney+ legal drama All\u2019s Fair was something of a rarity.…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":245669,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[49,50,51,47,52,48],"class_list":{"0":"post-245668","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-headlines","8":"tag-headlines","9":"tag-news","10":"tag-top-news","11":"tag-top-stories","12":"tag-topnews","13":"tag-topstories"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/245668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=245668"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/245668\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/245669"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=245668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=245668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=245668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}