I still struggle with that balance. That’s probably where my routine suffers the most personally. I don’t think I get enough rest as I could to help with that, so it\u2019s always a balance of all three. That’s why the people who we see that have these goals that they’re reaching really well, they\u2019re full-time bodybuilders or, I don\u2019t know, whatever you want to call it, physique influencers, because I think they can maintain that balance hopefully a little easier, but it\u2019s hard to do when you have other shit going on in your life.<\/p>\n
In 2022, you postponed your tour for Bronco because of what you cited as physical and declining physical and mental health, and you\u2019ve been pretty outspoken about being sober. Tell me about that process.<\/p>\n
What it really boiled down to was deciding to start really taking care of all parts of myself, which include physical and mental<\/a>, emotional, spiritual, whatever you want to call it. For me, that was getting sober and that was a way for me to be more present in my body and, I guess, listen to my body more. I think, oftentimes, we can get away… I think our bodies are strong and we can get away with running them down for a really long time, but eventually, that starts to take a toll in other areas of your life even if it\u2019s not immediately physical.<\/p>\n Yeah, it was a very big change, and I think the main thing for me was finding not just a routine in terms of working out but the sort of practice of putting aside time at the start of every day to move my body, get my blood flowing, take care of myself. That has just as much of a not only chemical benefit to my brain<\/a> in terms of dopamine, serotonin, et cetera, but also just the practice of taking time every day to do something physical and healthy for my body, that is an immense part of what keeps me feeling mentally grounded.<\/p>\n I understand that you tried ayahuasca. Was that a fruitful endeavor?<\/p>\n It was crazy. I did ayahuasca<\/a> twice. It was incredibly cathartic and it was pretty daunting and intense. I’m someone who, I think for a lot of my life, unknowingly, like a lot of us, suppressed a ton of feelings, hurt, whatever you want to call it, and when you give yourself up to something that takes complete control of your mind and body in a lot of ways, it forces things to come up and release that you are not able to hold down in that moment.<\/p>\n In experiencing trips myself, I always come away with some kind of mantra or single-line sentence from it that I hold with me for a bit. Is there anyone that comes to mind for you from that?<\/p>\n Yeah. I had a pretty intense face-to-face hangout with my younger self who was in pretty rough shape when I saw him. The visual was pretty disturbing, and so I left that experience just knowing that I was not taking care of the younger parts of me that had experienced probably the majority of the hurt that has happened to me in my life. It was a big wake-up call to remember that all of us have all these parts of us inside of us whether we like it or not, and it’s something to always be taken care of.<\/p>\n Thank you for sharing. I also read that you\u2019ve been trying transcendental meditation<\/a>. Is that still part of your routine?<\/p>\n Yeah. I have to be honest, I\u2019m not as regimented as I used to be. Technically, the aim is to do it twice a day for 20 minutes each day or each time, but with my schedule, sometimes I let that slip. But I do find that when I get back on track with it, it is such a game changer in terms of things that keep my nervous system regulated for sure. That and the other thing I\u2019ve really learned this year, which I was doing a lot during Street Fighter, is cold exposure therapy<\/a>, doing cold plunge<\/a> every day.<\/p>\n I imagine that helps with recovery as well.<\/p>\n Oh my god, it’s the best. I mean, it\u2019s perfect for your muscle recovery. It\u2019s really good for anybody that may have any kind of PTSD or trauma<\/a> because it\u2019s really good for shocking your nervous system and helping regulate your nervous system\u2019<\/a>s reaction level. It\u2019s great for mental clarity. Cold plunge or cold exposure, whichever way you want to do it, I can’t speak enough to it. Actually, I can notice a difference when I haven’t done it for a while. I can feel a difference in my anxiety levels.<\/p>\n I read somewhere that, for each new project, you aim for an even more vulnerable piece of work. How did you manage to access that with your latest EP?<\/p>\n I think that level of vulnerability is always a sort of indication of where I\u2019m at as a person in my life and what’s been going on in my life. I think what I came to over the past couple years is just this not only radical acceptance of myself but just being so grateful that I feel like I don\u2019t fit in, whereas I used to be like… I went through all these different stages of my life where I used to hate that I didn’t fit in, and then I used to want to try and make myself fit in, and then I was convincing other people that I should fit in. I finally just feel like I got to a place in the last year where I actually don\u2019t want to do this. It\u2019s like I\u2019m so grateful that that is the kind of person I am, because it has just shown me… I guess it\u2019s helped me feel a power of uniqueness, and I think that that is reflected in a lot of what I did on this album as opposed to previous ones.<\/p>\n Do you mean lyrically, or musically, or both?<\/p>\n Both. I think, musically, I wrote the music in a way that was very unconcerned about what people may think of it or if people would like it, which is a very hard thing to do when you start to gather success or an audience. It\u2019s very hard to not start making music for other people or for other people’s expectations, and so I feel very at peace with this album in the sense that I really… It is my absolute hope that people will enjoy it and take something from it, but it’s not a need for my ego or my validation.<\/p>\n Mask off, really.<\/p>\n Yeah, yeah.<\/p>\n Speaking of masks, know that for the first time as MC in Cabaret, you didn\u2019t wear it. I\u2019m curious how you deal with skincare in wearing it\u2014does it cause breakouts?<\/p>\n People ask me this a lot. No, it\u2019s true. Joking aside, growing up, I didn\u2019t really ever struggle with acne or bad skin per se, but it is definitely a thing especially when I\u2019m touring, if I\u2019m wearing it every night. Obviously, I\u2019m sweating. We clean the masks, of course. Yeah, I\u2019ve found a pretty solid skincare routine for myself. It’s not anything too crazy, but I do try to practice it every day. I use a combination of some, I guess you could call, high-end skin products, but then I also use CeraVe<\/a> moisturizer or things that I\u2019ve just found that might be from CVS but they’re the least fussy and do the job. Yeah, I try to maintain a pretty good skincare routine<\/a>.<\/p>\n