Read more from Carol Midgely<\/a><\/p>\nA woman wrote on Reddit this week that she had quit her job because her (much older) colleague insisted on playing Christmas tunes from his computer from 9am to 4pm, the boss did nothing to stop him and she just couldn\u2019t take it any more. Needless to say I have every sympathy with that poor woman. What would have happened if she had asserted her \u201cright\u201d to play death metal in the office all day? I\u2019ll tell you. She would have felt the tip of a boot directly up her backside along with an envelope containing her P45.<\/p>\n
Do I sound miserable, bitter and no fun whatsoever? Good! That\u2019s exactly what I was going for. Come on over \u2014 the party\u2019s at my place. I need someone to bitch with me about people using, as a verb, the abominable word \u201cgifting\u201d.<\/p>\n
In deep water?<\/p>\n
Ever worry that we are a nation of wusses? A fire crew was recently called out to rescue a woman \u2014 from a glorified puddle.<\/p>\n
She had driven through a ford in Hall Green, Birmingham, despite warning signs saying not to, and then, reportedly, panicked. A fire engine and waterproofed crew turned out and threw her a rope along with some sort of buoy on a stick. But as a frankly hilarious viral video shows, she opened the door of her Mercedes and simply walked away clutching the rope, the water barely reaching her shins. I have seen deeper lavatory bowls. Little wonder bystanders could be heard falling about laughing.<\/p>\n
One commentator said: \u201cThe human race is doomed.\u201d Well, it\u2019s hard to argue with that when doctors literally have to tell people not to bleach their teeth with Domestos or put glitter in their vaginas. Am I going to make a lame gag that the rescued person was driving a Mercedes? Of course! Why aren\u2019t Mercedes fitted with indicators? It ruins the surprise.<\/p>\n
Andrew\u2019s a joke. Well, two of them<\/p>\n
Talking of lame gags, the Andrew formerly known as prince is said to be facing \u201cfurther humiliation\u201d after becoming the butt of not one but two \u201cbest Christmas cracker jokes of 2025\u201d. Humiliation? Oh please. These jokes are weaker than a moth\u2019s handshake.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy isn\u2019t Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor writing any Christmas books?\u201d Answer: \u201cHe hasn\u2019t got any titles.\u201d To be fair, that\u2019s not quite as corny as \u201cWhat does Andrew have in common with a snowman?\u201d They\u2019re both out in the cold.<\/p>\n
I reckon Andrew will be relieved that\u2019s as bad as it gets, given some of the fruity jokes that are posted about him online (I cannot tell them here or I\u2019d get in trouble with m\u2019learned friends). OK, I can repeat one: \u201cWhat does Andrew have in common with Manchester Utd?\u201d It all went downhill when Fergie left.<\/p>\n
No? Oh, suit yourselves. There is one upside for Andrew being in the nation\u2019s Christmas crackers. It\u2019s the only way he\u2019ll get a mention round the Sandringham dinner table.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I realise this may come as devastating news to Ed Davey, but I\u2019m afraid he and I could…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":320726,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[96,128,56,54,55],"class_list":{"0":"post-320725","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-music","8":"tag-entertainment","9":"tag-music","10":"tag-uk","11":"tag-united-kingdom","12":"tag-unitedkingdom"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=320725"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320725\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/320726"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=320725"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=320725"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=320725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}