Another day, another bombshell. This time it\u2019s Bruno Fernandes again, who is busy issuing transfer ultimatums to Manchester United that require you to entirely ignore what that word actually means.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, there\u2019s more Mo Salah news because there is always more Mo Salah news and the Premier League\u2019s most recognisable figure remaining entirely recognisable in a Santa suit despite The Sun inexplicably describing him as \u2018unrecognisable\u2019 and including some very, very recognisable pictures.<\/p>\n
Mediawatch is in urgent need of its Christmas break.<\/p>\n
Frank Bruno<\/p>\n
After Bruno Fernandes followed Mo Salah down the BOMBSHELL INTERVIEW route<\/a> (let\u2019s not bog ourselves down in the timeline of when precisely he gave said interview and who actually BOMBSHELLED first) things have now escalated further.<\/p>\n Manchester United captain Bruno Fernandes has put his future at Old Trafford into major doubt with a bombshell interview and has now revealed where exactly he wants to go<\/p>\n It\u2019s a bombastic bombshell of a standfirst from the Mirror but what\u2019s really got our attention is a headline that goes even further into triggering our WORDS USED TO MEAN THINGS sensors.<\/p>\n Bruno Fernandes reveals THREE moves he\u2019s open to in Man Utd transfer ultimatum<\/p>\n Ultimatum! Let\u2019s go to our old friend the dictionary:<\/p>\n A final demand or set of terms\u00a0in a negotiation, where rejection will lead to serious consequences like a breakdown in relations, retaliation, or the use of force<\/p>\n And now let\u2019s look at what Bruno has actually said.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to stay at\u00a0Manchester\u00a0United as long as I feel desired.\u201d<\/p>\n Oh. We guess that\u2019s kind of an ultimatum, albeit absolutely not the one hinted at by that overexcited headline.<\/p>\n \u201cI would like to experience the Spanish league and fight for big titles in Italy. I have many connections to Italy\u2026 my daughter was born there.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve already thought about returning to Portugal\u2026 the first option would be Sporting. To be happy, like it was with Sporting. But I don\u2019t want to ruin the image that was left.\u201d<\/p>\n Those definitely sound like final demands where rejection will lead to serious consequences like a breakdown in relations, retaliation or the use of force and definitely not an idle wish-list reeled off in the throwaway style of a man who sounds more like he\u2019s considering possible holiday destinations than issuing demands and or ultimatums (ultimata?)<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Secret Santa<\/p>\n This is The Sun\u2019s headline on some light-hearted festive whimsy.<\/p>\n HO-HO-HO-LAND\u00a0Premier League icon unrecognisable as he goes undercover as Father Christmas \u2013 but his voice catches him out<\/p>\n These are the pictures accompanying that story.<\/p>\n \u201cPremier League icon unrecognisable as he goes undercover as Father Christmas \u2013 but his voice catches him out\u201d<\/p>\n Yes. Definitely the voice that catches him out. pic.twitter.com\/ymqiRadrpU<\/a><\/p>\n \u2014 Football365 (@F365) December 17, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n The Sun, we need you to be so serious right now.<\/p>\n But even after those pictures of Erling Haaland<\/a> somehow looking more Erling Haaland than Erling Haaland has ever looked before, they still carry on for paragraph after paragraph, drip-feeding further clues to help you try and identify the mystery figure. And we\u2019ve not even mentioned the fact they gave the game entirely away in the very first pun at the start of the bloody headline anyway.<\/p>\n This Secret Santa currently resides in the North West rather than the North Pole \u2013 but hails from Scandanavia (sic) so is used to the chilly temperatures.<\/p>\n Yeah, we know. It\u2019s Erling Haaland. From \u2018Scandanavia\u2019.<\/p>\n Since he arrived in England in 2022, he has sleigh-ed almost every defender who has stood in his way \u2013 but been a gift for the fans of his own team.<\/p>\n Yes, that also describes Erling Haaland. But don\u2019t think we didn\u2019t notice that abomination of a pun.<\/p>\n And on his list over the next few weeks are Brentford, West Ham, Nottingham Forest and Sunderland.<\/p>\n Those are Manchester City fixtures<\/a>, yes, the club for which Erling Haaland plays.<\/p>\n Yes \u2013 the man behind the beard is Manchester City\u2019s own Christmas cracker Erling \u2018Ho-Ho\u2019\u00a0Haaland.<\/p>\n No way? Get right out of town?<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n AFCON artist<\/p>\n A textbook slice of today\u2019s deliberately deceptive journalistic world accompanied by an even more troubling glimpse into the even worse near-future from the Daily Star here.<\/p>\n Look, we all know the game they\u2019re playing with this headline\u2026<\/p>\n Mo Salah not in Egypt squad as Liverpool forward is left out before AFCON starts<\/p>\n \u2026and again with this standfirst\u2026<\/p>\n Mohamed Salah was left out of Egypt\u2019s squad ahead of the Africa Cup of Nations, with the talismanic Liverpool forward not involved for the Pharoahs<\/p>\n They are exhibits 29823748927349872134 and 29823748927349872135 in the now standard practice of walking the tightrope that is very carefully constructing an attention-grabbing headline designed to look like it\u2019s saying one very big thing while nevertheless still halfway plausibly saying the much smaller thing it is actually saying without tumbling off the high-wire altogether.<\/p>\n