{"id":324776,"date":"2025-12-19T14:29:08","date_gmt":"2025-12-19T14:29:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/324776\/"},"modified":"2025-12-19T14:29:08","modified_gmt":"2025-12-19T14:29:08","slug":"michael-owens-christmas-dinner-ranking-is-a-work-of-genius","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/324776\/","title":{"rendered":"Michael Owen’s Christmas Dinner ranking is a work of genius"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a clear sign of my latent contrarian streak, there was a moment earlier in 2025 when I was starting to warm to Michael Owen<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Owen is widely known as a charisma vacuum, the man who has infamously watched less than 10 films in his life and whose soul is untouched by a single work of art.<\/p>\n

But using the analogy of being able to destroy a house with no chance of creating one <\/a>to explain how defending is easier than attacking was the rarest of beasts; a genuinely funny and quotable Owen line.<\/p>\n

Was it time to reassess our perceptions of him? Was the sun now cold and ice now hot? Was nothing sacred in his frightening world of ours?<\/p>\n

Happily, Owen\u2019s blind ranking of Christmas Dinner items is both incredibly dull and incredibly on brand. I can\u2019t stop watching it.<\/p>\n

These things are entirely subjective and down to individual taste, but starting by putting gravy at number nine should\u2019ve resulted in instant execution.<\/p>\n

Yorkshire puddings are given short shrift, because you apparently cannot have them with turkey for a cast-iron reason in the Owen multiverse.<\/p>\n

While declaring pigs in blankets as overrated brings us dangerously close to agreeing with him for the second time in 12 months.<\/p>\n

But nothing has captured the essence of the former Liverpool<\/a> and England striker more than the line \u2018Sprouts? Now we\u2019re talking\u2019.<\/p>\n

Definitely one for his tombstone, that. Closely followed by \u2018parsnips are the main ones\u2019.<\/p>\n

As ever, Owen\u2019s opinions could be considered off-kilter in the hands of a man with more charisma.<\/p>\n

Indeed, Jack Grealish is charmingly sweet in his own ranking<\/a>. But Owen\u2019s delivery throughout the clip suggests that paint watches him dry.<\/p>\n

Stop what you\u2019re doing immediately and watch this. pic.twitter.com\/Vp9NLUW5sc<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2014 ELLIOT EASTWICK\u2019S WORLD FAMOUS HOT SAUCE (@WorldFamousHot1) December 18, 2025<\/a><\/p>\n

For his part, Owen is insistent that the popular perception of him as a personality-free zone is a misguided invention by the mainstream media.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am probably the life and soul of the party,\u201d he told The Mirror in 2023 about his Christmas plans. \u201cI\u2019m a right attention seeker.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt has all got to be about me, if we are hosting, I\u2019m the one starting the games, or dancing on top of the tables.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I was going to do a karaoke it would be to something like Summer of 69, or Tracey Chapman Fast Car. I\u2019m not really into that modern stuff. It\u2019s the old classics.<\/p>\n

\u201cApparently, I am quirky. I think I\u2019ve got an image in the world that is very straight, and boring and everything like that. But everyone I meet, they will be like, \u2018Oh my God, I so wasn\u2019t expecting you to be like you are.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think when I was coming through, when I was 17 or 18, I was managed in a certain way. The press had an image of me they wanted to portray.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I was this whiter than white angel. It probably never sat that well with me. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I wasn\u2019t up to no good. As I say, I never really went to nightclubs and the time, but that image has probably stuck and everyone just thinks I\u2019m boring.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think if you ask Gemma [his daughter] or my missus, they\u2019d probably say, \u2018bloody hell, the world has got you so wrong\u2019\u201d.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s very possible that Owen has a deeper cultural hinterland than is commonly thought, but it\u2019s being hidden extremely well if that\u2019s true.<\/p>\n

This is a man who takes a throwaway content idea, a chance to make him relatable to the masses, and leaves us with the impression that he pre-records Sunday Brunch. His brain needs to be studied for science.<\/p>\n

All we\u2019re saying is that gravy needs to be much higher than number nine to alleviate the dryness of Owen\u2019s persona.<\/p>\n

By Michael Lee<\/p>\n

READ NEXT: A definitive ranking of all eight films Michael Owen has watched in his life<\/a><\/p>\n

TRY A QUIZ: Can you name every male footballer to win the Ballon d\u2019Or?<\/a><\/p>\n