Dear Annie: <\/p>\n
I previously worked with a woman, \u201cLoretta,\u201d who I\u2019ve maintained a relationship with for over 20 years. We were never close, meeting-for-lunch type friends\u2014more of a talk-once-a-month type. However, this changed when Loretta experienced financial difficulties, a marital separation and attempted suicide.<\/p>\n
She was hospitalized for two months and, as a result, has mobility problems. I have gone to several doctor visits with her. I\u2019m older and retired. I suggested citywide transportation that runs specifically in her city, and Loretta found it reliable for a time. Recently, she refused the local pain management option, I believe due to her prior suicide attempt, and insisted on going to a clinic out of town instead.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to continue helping her as I have been. How do I go about ending this dependency? I don\u2019t want to hurt her feelings or lie. Loretta avoids asking her husband and daughter for help because they work, and she has another daughter who\u2019s 21 but doesn\u2019t drive because she hasn\u2019t gotten her license. Loretta has offered me money to continue helping her, but that\u2019s not the problem. She often has early appointments or ones that conflict with my schedule, which is why I don\u2019t want this responsibility. Her situation seems dire at times, but it seems she\u2019s had constant hurdles throughout her life.<\/p>\n
What do you think?<\/p>\n
\u2014Not a Taxi<\/p>\n
Dear Not a Taxi: <\/p>\n
You\u2019ve shown remarkable compassion toward Loretta, but what you\u2019re describing isn\u2019t friendship anymore. It\u2019s caretaking, and it\u2019s become too much.<\/p>\n
Tell her, gently but firmly, that you can no longer manage or transport her to appointments. You don\u2019t need to explain yourself, but if she presses, it\u2019s OK to admit that her schedule has often conflicted with yours and it\u2019s just no longer doable. Encourage her to lean on her family. Point her back to the transportation services you helped her find before. If she chooses not to use them, that\u2019s her problem to solve\u2014not yours.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ve put Loretta ahead of yourself for a long time without getting much of anything in return. Between stretching yourself thin or stepping back, the healthy choice is clear. You deserve to choose yourself and let yourself off this hook.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Annie: I previously worked with a woman, \u201cLoretta,\u201d who I\u2019ve maintained a relationship with for over 20…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":351375,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[44],"tags":[102,1906,6623,56,54,55],"class_list":{"0":"post-351374","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-health","9":"tag-mental-health","10":"tag-mentalhealth","11":"tag-uk","12":"tag-united-kingdom","13":"tag-unitedkingdom"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351374","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=351374"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351374\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/351375"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=351374"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=351374"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=351374"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}