\n By Psychology Today Contributors published January 6, 2026 – last reviewed on January 6, 2026\n <\/p>\n
1. Dabble (especially in what you used to love).<\/p>\n
By Alice Boyes, Ph.D.<\/p>\n
Most self-improvement advice focuses on building consistent habits. But activities we do only occasionally can also deliver huge value for our mental health. In other words, it\u2019s good for you to dabble\u2014to engage in activities without expecting steady improvement. It diversifies your sources of positive emotions, keeps your identity<\/a> flexible and varied, creates social connections, and expands the types of problems you solve and the strategies you must use to overcome them.<\/p>\n Dabbling can and should challenge you, but it can also remind you who you are. Karaoke reminds you that you\u2019re playful; knitting, that you\u2019re creative; theater, that you\u2019re sophisticated; volunteering, that you\u2019re generous; and trivia, that you\u2019re competitive. These positive emotions are especially valuable during transitions, waiting periods like college admissions season or trying to conceive, and low-energy times like winter.<\/p>\n Typically, dabbling involves returning to an activity from time to time, as the urge or opportunity presents itself. To keep diverse activities in your wheelhouse, you can link them to an annual occurrence, like volunteering at a charity every summer or making jam when berries are in season. Or you can involve a young family member, like taking a niece ice skating when she comes to visit each holiday season. An activity can also be a backup plan\u2014something you do when you can\u2019t do something else\u2014like knitting when your internet is out.<\/p>\n I suggest keeping a list titled \u201cActivities I Forget I Like\u201d and adding to it when you do new things you enjoy, so they don\u2019t disappear from your mind. Keep basic supplies on hand, like sketch pads or a yoga mat.<\/p>\n Psychological benefits don\u2019t come only from getting better at the things you do all the time; if you don\u2019t improve at something you do only occasionally, that may not matter. It can still boost your positive emotions and remind you of a forgotten but valued aspect of yourself.<\/p>\n Alice Boyes, Ph.D., is the author of Stress-Free Productivity<\/a>.<\/p>\n 2. Don\u2019t Complain About Sex. (Just ask for what you want.)<\/p>\n By Nicole McNichols, Ph.D.<\/p>\n Most of us know that good sex thrives on communication, but the reality is that not every conversation about sex brings us closer. Some boost intimacy<\/a>, while others unintentionally create distance. A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research sheds light on which types of communication invite connection, improve sex, and bring couples closer together. The key finding is that sharing turn-ons strengthens intimacy and satisfaction, while bringing up turn-offs can backfire. In other words, not all sexual self-disclosure is created equal.<\/p>\n In the study, participants who reported sharing what they wanted more of, what they liked, or fantasies<\/a> they wanted to explore\u2014instead of raising sexual dislikes\u2014reported higher sexual satisfaction, and greater relationship happiness<\/a> overall, than those who didn\u2019t. For women, sharing personal likes with partners was especially effective: They experienced fewer sexual difficulties linked to sexual pain or the inability to reach orgasm<\/a>.<\/p>\n Focusing sexual communication on one\u2019s dislikes, on the other hand, was associated with lower intimacy and relationship satisfaction. This may be because dislikes can easily be heard as criticism, which often generates defensiveness and a sense of distance. (Of course, there are times when it\u2019s necessary to speak up about what you don\u2019t like in bed, such as when sex causes pain or violates your personal boundaries<\/a>; those crucial moments are about maintaining consent, trust, and safety.)<\/p>\n So, how do you put this into practice? First, choose the right moment. Deeper conversations about new things you\u2019d like to try, for example, tend to go better outside the bedroom, when you\u2019re not as vulnerable. When you do talk, open-ended questions are most likely to spark connection: What\u2019s something you\u2019d like more of? What\u2019s something you\u2019ve always wanted to try? Or, what drives you crazy that you want more of?<\/p>\n And if you do feel the need to express a dislike, framing makes a big difference in how it will be received. \u201cI like it better when you\u2026\u201d lands much more softly than \u201cI hate when you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Handled well, these conversations shouldn\u2019t kill the mood. Quite the opposite: They should build trust, deepen intimacy, and keep passion alive.<\/p>\n Nicole McNichols, Ph.D., is a professor of human sexuality<\/a> at the University of Washington and the author of You Could Be Having Better Sex.<\/p>\n 3. Change Your Personality (with three small hacks).<\/p>\n By Kevin Bennett, Ph.D.<\/p>\n We often treat personality<\/a> as if it\u2019s carved in stone, but it\u2019s actually more like clay\u2014shaped by experience, environment, and even choice. Research confirms that who you are today doesn\u2019t have to be who you are tomorrow. With intention and effort, you can change aspects of your personality in lasting ways. While traditional approaches to self-improvement focus on therapy<\/a> or major life shifts, there are also some unconventional\u2014and surprisingly simple\u2014ways to start transforming your personality.<\/p>\n Talk about yourself, to yourself, in the here and now. Saying, \u201cI\u2019m trying to be more patient\u201d sends one type of message to your brain, but saying, \u201cI am a patient person\u201d delivers quite another. It may feel awkward at first, but present-tense affirmations<\/a> have been proven to create a kind of cognitive dissonance<\/a> that can nudge you toward behavior that aligns with the new identity you want to establish. This hack draws on the power of narrative identity\u2014the story we tell about who we are. When you tell a new story in the present tense and repeat it enough, you begin to believe it. And that\u2019s the first step toward change. Kevin Bennett, Ph.D., is a teaching professor at Penn State University Beaver and the host of the podcast Danger, Deception<\/a> & Desire.<\/p>\n 4. Try Body Doubling (and get more done).<\/p>\n By Ariella Kristal, Ph.D.<\/p>\n A few years ago, a grad-school classmate was starting to feel that working at home, with all of its distractions\u2014TV, laundry, a bed ripe for naps\u2014was eating away at her productivity. She was looking for a guardrail to keep her on track.<\/p>\n So we built one.<\/p>\n Each morning, we joined a Zoom together, stated our goals, hit mute, and left our cameras on. After an hour, we\u2019d unmute for a two\u2011minute \u201cwater\u2011cooler\u201d chat and then dive back in. I couldn\u2019t see her screen, but my silent, visible presence was enough to keep her glued to her work instead of cat videos. (I was extra productive during those sessions, too.)<\/p>\n This simple tactic\u2014known in ADHD<\/a> circles as body-doubling\u2014is based on two proven concepts: First, design beats willpower<\/a>. Changing your environment (even just virtually) often works better than trying to summon heroic self\u2011discipline. Second, one quirk of our psychology can fix another. We\u2019re hypersensitive to the presence of others and, of course, to what other people think of us. Body-doubling turns that built\u2011in spotlight into motivation<\/a>, which we can leverage to overcome our equally human urge to procrastinate<\/a>.<\/p>\n Shouldn\u2019t we be able to power through on our own? Maybe, but in real life, we get distracted, bored<\/a>, and tempted. Instead of berating ourselves about it, we can call on a tool that\u2019s been hiding in plain sight: another person\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n How to try it:<\/p>\n Find a buddy. Friends, classmates, coworkers\u2014anyone with work to do. Body-doubling won\u2019t complete your work for you, but it makes showing up and staying on task easier. So the next time you catch yourself hovering over the \u201cPlay Next Episode\u201d button, invite a friend to a silent Zoom, let the human desire to save face do its work, and watch your to\u2011do list shrink.<\/p>\n Ariella Kristal, Ph.D., is a visiting assistant professor at Yeshiva University and an affiliated researcher at the UCLA Anderson School of Management<\/a>.<\/p>\n 5. Hug (the right way). <\/p>\n By Sebastian Ocklenburg, Ph.D.<\/p>\n Most (but not all) people love hugs, but hugs, even mutually welcome ones, are not always perfect. To build better embraces in the coming year, consider these recent scientific findings on what makes a hug extra special:<\/p>\n Hug like you mean it and don\u2019t be afraid to apply a little pressure. A study from San Diego State University investigated what it was about hugging that most influenced the feeling of social connection with the other person and found that it was deep, warm pressure; light touch or neutral deep touch was less effective in fostering connection. Sebastian Ocklenburg, Ph.D., is a professor for research methods in psychology at MSH Medical School in Germany.<\/p>\n 6. Stop Boomerasking. (Just go ahead and brag.)<\/p>\n By Clay Drinko, Ph.D.<\/p>\n Boomerasking has nothing to do with Baby Boomers and everything to do with boomerangs. It\u2019s when someone asks a question and then answers it immediately after their conversation partner\u2019s answer. Essentially, they throw the question out with the intention of its coming back around so they can answer it themselves\u2014typically so that they can brag about something.<\/p>\n You\u2019ve probably experienced boomerasking. You\u2019ve very likely done it. And if you can manage it, for the good of your relationships and the impression you make on others, you should try to stop.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s an example: \u201cWhat are your summer plans?\u201d \u201cNot much. Just staying local this year.\u201d \u201cWell, we\u2019re headed to the Amalfi Coast.\u201d Notice how the first speaker answered their own question without any prompting from the other. That\u2019s a boomerask.<\/p>\n In a recent study, Alison Wood Brooks of Harvard Business School and Michael Yeomans of Imperial College London identified categories of boomerasking, including ask-bragging (asking a question that enables you to boast about your achievements or experiences) and ask-complaining (asking about something or someone so that you can then complain about that thing or person). Their research also found that boomerasking comes off as egocentric; in fact, people who boomerask are seen as less sincere and even less likable than those who just overtly brag\u2014and yet it\u2019s almost universal: More than 90 percent of people reported experiencing it, and more than 90 percent admitted doing it.<\/p>\n People often boomerask with reasonably good intentions. They want to share something and also want to make the other person feel involved in the conversation, but the opposite tends to occur: The off-putting practice makes people think you only asked so you could answer.<\/p>\n Instead of boomerasking, be direct. If you worry that people will judge you for bragging, remember that research says they like boomerasking even less. In conversations, after asking an initial question, ask follow-ups, and be as genuinely curious as you\u2019d want someone else to be, understanding that your chance to flex will come. It may even be welcomed because you\u2019ve already established your sincerity and likability.<\/p>\n Clay Drinko, Ph.D., is an educator and the author of Play Your Way Sane.<\/p>\n 7. Go to Grown-Up Camp (without the guilt).<\/p>\n By Lynn Zubernis, Ph.D.<\/p>\n Adult sleepaway camps are officially a trend. Touted as a way to take a break from the stresses of everyday life, try out new things, and make new friends, sessions are quickly selling out. What\u2019s behind their popularity?<\/p>\n The benefits of indulging in something purely for fun or self-enrichment are well known. Leisure activities are associated with lower levels of depression<\/a> and anxiety<\/a> and an increased sense of well-being. Leisure helps us manage stress and bolsters our self-esteem<\/a>. The catch? We need to allow ourselves to indulge in leisure activities without feeling guilty about it. Normalizing play and leisure as not just for children, as adult camps do, can limit feelings of guilt<\/a> and allow the full benefits of these activities to come through.<\/p>\n How can we be so sure that adult sleepover camps could benefit us? In part, it\u2019s because of what we\u2019ve learned from the experiences of those who engage in a similar activity: fan conventions. Outsiders often assume the appeal of conventions is meeting celebrities, but that\u2019s neither the only, nor the primary, draw; the collective experience of meeting other fans is often more powerful. In one study, fans described fellow convention attendees as \u201cthe people who get me,\u201d who understand and accept them as they are.<\/p>\n Camps and conventions share many characteristics that facilitate finding community and belongingness. They are liminal spaces, where we leave one world behind and undergo a change before returning to it. There are different norms for behavior and self-expression in such spaces, which allow people to be themselves and embrace their identities. Further, in an increasingly virtual world, interactions in physical spaces are especially meaningful.<\/p>\n Conventions have been described as \u201ccarnival spaces,\u201d drawing on Russian philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin\u2019s idea of a transitional play space where people are allowed to try on new ways of being. That applies to adult sleepaway camps, where there is explicit permission to take a weekend off from everyday responsibilities and just have fun, whether in beer tastings, arts and crafts, sing-alongs, or cooking classes. These spaces are temporary, but their effects can enrich the \u201creal world\u201d people return to, and the friendships made within them can be lifelong. Their current popularity suggests they provide an escape that is much needed.<\/p>\n Lynn Zubernis, Ph.D., is a professor at West Chester University and the author of There\u2019ll Be Peace When You Are Done.<\/p>\n
\nTrack trait-consistent micro-actions. You can\u2019t overhaul your personality overnight, but you can track one small behavior each day that reflects the trait you\u2019re trying to grow. Want to be more open to experience? Try a new food. More agreeable? Compliment a stranger. More emotionally stable? Practice one moment of mindful<\/a> breathing when stressed<\/a>. In a landmark 2015 study on personality change<\/a>, University of Illinois researchers found that people who set daily goals consistent with desired traits\u2014such as being more extraverted<\/a> or less neurotic<\/a>\u2014achieved real change in just a few months.
\nBorrow someone else\u2019s personality for a day. Think of someone you admire because they have a trait you\u2019d like to develop\u2014like your calm friend Rachel or your adventurous cousin Leo. Ask yourself: What would they do today if they were in your shoes? Better yet, act as if you are them for a few hours: Walk how they walk, speak how they speak, or respond how they\u2019d respond. It might feel like play-acting, but this \u201cbehavioral mimicry\u201d can help you rehearse new patterns until they feel like your own.<\/p>\n
\nSet a timer. Commit to 30- to 90\u2011minute sprints; break for quick chats in between.
\nKeep cameras on and mics off. Seeing each other matters more than hearing.
\nShare goals up front. A tiny dose of accountability goes a long way.
\nRepeat as needed. The habit forms fast\u2014because it feels good to finish tasks.<\/p>\n
\nHold on for 5 to 10 seconds. A study from the University of London showed that hugs lasting 5 to 10 seconds were more pleasurable than shorter hugs. But don\u2019t hang on much longer, as many people find that especially long hugs turn awkward at some point. In another study, which I co-authored, we found that friends, on average, hug for about three seconds, while lovers embrace for about seven.
\nLead with the left arm. When we hug someone, we have to decide whether to lead with the right arm or the left. The results of a 2019 study from Germany show that most people tend to reach out with the right arm first, except when they engage in more emotional hugs. Then they often shift to left-sided embraces, possibly reflecting the greater role of the right hemisphere of the brain (which controls the left side of the body) for processing emotions.
\nHug the right person. A 2020 study from Japan showed that whom you hug, and especially how close you are to them, significantly influences what an embrace can do for you. A hug between a baby and its parent, for example, reduced the heart rate of both, indicating relaxation; this effect was not found when a female stranger gave the baby a hug.<\/p>\n