{"id":410392,"date":"2026-02-06T02:47:07","date_gmt":"2026-02-06T02:47:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/410392\/"},"modified":"2026-02-06T02:47:07","modified_gmt":"2026-02-06T02:47:07","slug":"have-boundaries-made-us-lonely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/410392\/","title":{"rendered":"Have Boundaries Made Us Lonely?"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a time of social loneliness<\/a> and a lack of social connection, have we become too boundaried? Boundaries<\/a> have become part of our social understanding in recent years\u2014the importance of setting boundaries has been the focus of many social media<\/a> posts, books, podcasts, and blog posts right here on Psychology Today. And of course, boundaries are important\u2014they delineate the separation between what is us and what is ours to manage and what belongs to someone else and is theirs to manage. As Prentis Hemphill said, “Boundaries are the distance I can love you and me simultaneously.” Boundaries keep us safe.<\/p>\n

What I’m referring to here is boundaries around what we’re willing to spend our time on and who we are willing to spend our time with. Sometimes, we use boundaries as an excuse to avoid social contact and the annoyances and inconveniences that come with interacting with other humans in an effort to live a “frictionless existence.\u201d The digital world is incredibly enticing\u2014we can order everything to be delivered to our door without having to talk to another human. We can avoid many of the annoyances of everyday life by retreating into our digital world. We can even avoid some of the potentially cringeworthy or awkward moments that might happen when we engage with other humans, like the person in the checkout line or that colleague at work. It can feel like a heavy lift to get out of our comfort zone and overcome the powerful draw to scroll endlessly on our phones.<\/p>\n

The Loneliness Epidemic<\/p>\n

And yet, we are living in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Nearly 50% of adults report feeling lonely, with the highest rates being in young people (Office of the Surgeon General, 2023). Loneliness is the gap between the amount of social connection people have and the amount they desire. It’s a distressing and painful experience with serious health effects\u2014loneliness increases mortality rates by 26%, with the effects being as detrimental as smoking<\/a> 15 cigarettes a day (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2017). Though people are more digitally connected than in the past, they are lonelier. Perhaps that is because we spend less time in person with friends. Between 2003 and 2020, people spent 20 hours less per month socializing with friends in person, for an average of 10 hours per month down from 30 hours per month in 2003 (Kannan & Veazie, 2023). There’s also been an increase in single-person households and a decrease in marriage<\/a> rates and family size (Census Bureau, 2022). <\/p>\n

So, what does all this have to do with boundaries? What if part of the reason we are so lonely is that we have gone just a little too far? What if we have used our boundaries as an excuse to say “no” to anything that feels like a slight inconvenience? We may have done so with good reasons. The pandemic gave people a carte blanche to say no to anything and everything. We even celebrated JOMO\u2014the joy of missing out. But has the pendulum swung too far? Friendships fade away without the time and attention<\/a> needed to maintain them. Invitations might come less frequently if someone is always declining. In an effort to have “good boundaries,” what initially felt comforting and safe might start to feel rather lonely. <\/p>\n

So, what can we do about this? Here are some guidelines if you find yourself feeling a little isolated and lonely these days. <\/p>\n

Reflect on your own patterns. We all go through phases of life where we need to pull back a little bit more. The winter season can certainly invite more cozy time at home. As we\u2019re wrapping up the winter season (hopefully), think about your own patterns and tendencies and whether they are helping you to create the kind of life and social connections that you desire. If not, make a change!
\nFor relationships that are important to you, be intentional about connecting. Sometimes having boundaries means putting healthy limits on how much time we spend with others. But, if we want those relationships to last, we need to show up, at least sometimes. Friendships take time, effort, and intention. They won\u2019t happen without effort. So, be intentional about connecting. Perhaps that means saying yes to a friend\u2019s invitation to go see that band they love. But it can also mean proposing a way to spend time together that works for you. One night, I was supposed to meet up with a friend for drinks but just didn\u2019t have it in me to battle parking downtown and the cold. Instead, I invited her over for wine and snacks at my house. We had a delightful time and I was able to spend time with her in a way I could manage that week.
\nUse your phone to make plans and then put your phone away when you\u2019re with others. Social media can be great for maintaining relationships, but it can also take time away from other things in our lives. Use social media and your device to make plans and then put your phone out of sight when you\u2019re together. Research shows that just the mere presence of a phone negatively affects closeness and conversation quality, especially when people are discussing meaningful topics (Przybylski & Weinstein, 2012). Listening and presence is one of the greatest gifts we can offer others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In a time of social loneliness and a lack of social connection, have we become too boundaried? Boundaries…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":410393,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[59,57,58,50,56,54,55],"class_list":{"0":"post-410392","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-united-kingdom","8":"tag-gb","9":"tag-great-britain","10":"tag-greatbritain","11":"tag-news","12":"tag-uk","13":"tag-united-kingdom","14":"tag-unitedkingdom"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/410392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=410392"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/410392\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/410393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=410392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=410392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=410392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}