{"id":455837,"date":"2026-03-03T20:00:07","date_gmt":"2026-03-03T20:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/455837\/"},"modified":"2026-03-03T20:00:07","modified_gmt":"2026-03-03T20:00:07","slug":"responding-to-a-partners-neurodivergence-with-understanding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/455837\/","title":{"rendered":"Responding to a Partner\u2019s Neurodivergence With Understanding"},"content":{"rendered":"

Comedian and actress Amy Schumer has talked openly about her husband<\/a>, now ex-husband, being on the autism<\/a> spectrum and the challenges their different brain types brought to their relationship, especially before his diagnosis. Her account illustrates that behaviors straining a relationship aren\u2019t usually intentional.<\/p>\n

Misunderstandings can happen when partners communicate in ways the other misreads, even when both are trying their best to connect. Whether neurodivergent or neurotypical, one partner can feel confused by the other\u2019s words and actions<\/a> as their brain types offer varying perspectives and ways of processing communication, emotions, and the world. <\/p>\n

Gabrielle Gross, LCSW, LCSW-C, a New Jersey- and Maryland-licensed psychotherapist and founder of Growth Wellness LLC, says, \u201cFor any relationship to succeed, both partners must be able to express how they feel, communicate what they need, and show love in ways that feel true to them and that their partner can recognize and experience.\u201d<\/p>\n

Although \u201cit can often seem like you and your partner are speaking different languages,\u201d Gross says, \u201cthere are strategies to find common ground,\u201d as discussed below.<\/p>\n

Meet Your Partner Where They Are<\/p>\n

Meeting your partner where they are involves seeing your partner as different, not deficient, and can change the tone of your relationship. Gross explains that when you go from analyzing why your partner said what they did to considering what they might have meant, you open the interaction to more than one explanation\u2014perhaps one that may not be as hurtful or ill-intended as you thought. \u201cIn relationships characterized by mutual love and respect, Gross says, \u201cneither partner usually means to cause the other harm.\u201d <\/p>\n

Shifting the focus may sound simple, but Gross notes that asking partners to slow down and learn each other\u2019s speech patterns and physical cues requires intention and practice. She explains that in any relationship, in general, and in those between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals, \u201cit often feels like the same words or gestures can be interpreted very differently.\u201d <\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling dismissed<\/a> while your partner thought they were being direct and helpful, you\u2019ve experienced this frustration.<\/p>\n

Gross suggests meeting your partner where they are by becoming curious, not defensive. \u201cAfter pausing and taking a breath, this is step one of assuming positive intent.\u201d <\/p>\n

For example, instead of jumping to conclusions, you can recognize that your partner\u2019s tone may not have been a sign of indifference or disapproval but something else, or perhaps nothing. You can also help your partner meet you where you are by explaining that your need for reassurance isn\u2019t a sign you\u2019re insecure in the relationship, but a sign of your processing<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Gross explains that your goal should be to gather enough information to understand your partner\u2019s words or actions, so you can respond thoughtfully rather than react personally. It shouldn\u2019t be to fundamentally reform either of you, though making some changes can benefit you, your partner, and the relationship. <\/p>\n

Continue to Speak in Your Own Language<\/p>\n

When conversations go sideways, couples often conclude that one person\u2019s communication style is the root of the problem and should be abandoned. In reality, both styles can coexist.<\/p>\n

If your partner communicates in short, literal statements, you might receive that as cold. And they might take your emotionally imbued language and subtext as overwhelming and confusing.<\/p>\n

What if instead of labeling one as better, you treated both as legitimate? What if you asked, \u201cWhat did you mean by that?\u201d or expressed your hurt, saying, \u201cWhen I hear that, I feel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Gross emphasizes that success depends on both partners recognizing that they may not communicate as clearly as they think, or fully understand each other as well as they believe.<\/p>\n

Notice Behavior Without Excusing It<\/p>\n

A diagnosis of ADHD<\/a>, autism, or other neurodivergent profile can help a relationship by showing that brain types vary in how they process information, offering context for how partners read social cues, interpret emotional nuance, or handle routines and spontaneity. Even so, these variations can create challenges, and asking for clarification isn\u2019t the same as excusing hurtful behavior or giving your partner permission to disrespect you. Distinguishing between a misunderstood signal and intentional mistreatment is thus essential. <\/p>\n

Of this tension, Gross says, \u201cWhen more emphasis is placed on the neurotypical partner making accommodations for the neurodivergent partner, the neurotypical partner may sometimes feel that their needs are neglected.\u201d On the other side, she says, \u201cWhen more blame is placed on the neurodivergent partner for relationship challenges, they can be unfairly expected to conform<\/a> to neurotypical social-emotional norms, which may feel confusing and exhausting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both extremes can create resentment. One partner feels invisible, the other shamed.<\/p>\n

Gross adds an important distinction: \u201cWhile someone\u2019s brain type can explain their behavior, it\u2019s not an excuse for hurting your feelings or absolving them of accountability. You can have compassion and directly and respectfully hold boundaries<\/a> and ask for what you need from your partner and the relationship.\u201d <\/p>\n

Vocalize Your Needs and Set Boundaries<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to swing too far in one direction. Sometimes, all the attention<\/a> goes to accommodating the neurodivergent partner, or the neurodivergent partner is labeled the problem.<\/p>\n

Gross points out the risks of each tendency. \u201cWhen the focus is only on one person\u2019s needs, the other can feel unheard, creating imbalance in the relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

Expressing that you would appreciate your partner telling you they\u2019re upset rather than going silent or that they\u2019re having a hard time understanding you isn\u2019t you being needy or self-indulgent. Such guardrails tell your partner what feels safe and what feels painful to you. <\/p>\n

Reframe Each Other\u2019s Differences as Strengths<\/p>\n

When leaning into each other’s strengths and supporting each other through challenges<\/a>, neurodivergent-neurotypical partnerships can be enriched by their diversity in processing and understanding, spanning a range of directness and softness, as well as detail-specific and whole-picture problem-solving, emotional depth, and breadth of communication. <\/p>\n

The best part, Gross says, is \u201cWhen you stop framing differences as flaws, you can see how they allow you and your partner to complement each other.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Comedian and actress Amy Schumer has talked openly about her husband, now ex-husband, being on the autism spectrum…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":455838,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[59,57,58,50,56,54,55],"class_list":["post-455837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-united-kingdom","tag-gb","tag-great-britain","tag-greatbritain","tag-news","tag-uk","tag-united-kingdom","tag-unitedkingdom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/455837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=455837"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/455837\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/455838"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=455837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=455837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=455837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}