{"id":518214,"date":"2026-04-07T20:13:08","date_gmt":"2026-04-07T20:13:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/518214\/"},"modified":"2026-04-07T20:13:08","modified_gmt":"2026-04-07T20:13:08","slug":"i-thought-i-was-just-stressed-out-but-these-8-subtle-signs-meant-i-was-actually-dissociating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/518214\/","title":{"rendered":"I Thought I Was Just Stressed Out, But These 8 Subtle Signs Meant I Was Actually Dissociating"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I was 28 years old, a psychologist informed me that I was not, in fact, a sociopath.<\/a> \u201cYou have depersonalization-derealization disorder,\u201d she told me.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow high did I score?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty high. For reference, the average adult lands somewhere between a five and a six on this questionnaire. You got a twenty-four.\u201d<\/p>\n

If I were capable of feeling anything, I probably would\u2019ve felt relief: I wasn\u2019t broken \u2014 just detached. Hollow. Numb.<\/p>\n

In a lot of ways, this numbness was a blessing. As an eight-year-old, it kept me levelheaded while I mediated my brother\u2019s mental illness. As a teenager, it emotionally insulated me from my parents\u2019 divorce. As a young adult, it kept me composed and capable after my best friend died by suicide<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But now, single and nearing 30, it was getting in the way. Sure, I felt no pain, fear, or heartache, but I also felt no joy, empathy, or love. Somewhere along the line, my dissociation had shifted from a blessing into a curse.<\/p>\n

Dissociation is a \u201csense of disconnection,\u201d said Dr. Alissa Beuerlein, PhD, licensed professional counselor<\/a> and trauma specialist. Clinically, it can manifest in different ways, including depersonalization (feeling detached from yourself) or derealization (feeling disconnected from the world around you).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not always a problem. In fact, almost everyone dissociates sometimes. Research shows that up to 75%<\/a> of people will experience at least one full-blown dissociative episode in their lives \u2014 and then it goes away. An even higher percentage of people experience mild dissociation regularly.<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom mindless scrolling, to getting lost in thought, to multitasking, to numbing out with food, alcohol, or substances, dissociation reflects a natural human tendency to mentally \u2018step away\u2019 from the present moment,\u201d said Rebecca Kase, LCSW<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Temporary dissociation is actually a coping mechanism: When something feels too stressful or too overwhelming, your nervous system numbs itself to protect you. But when your nervous system numbs itself permanently, dissociation can become an issue.<\/p>\n

According to Kase, studies estimate that 10% to 30%<\/a> of the population experiences moderate to severe dissociation, with an even higher prevalence among people who have histories of childhood trauma, combat exposure, or repeated interpersonal violence.<\/p>\n

The biggest problem? \u201cMost people don\u2019t realize when they are dissociating,\u201d said Dr. Alissa. Your reality is the only reality you experience, so to you, the numbness feels normal.<\/p>\n

I thought I was just stressed out, but these 8 subtle signs meant I was actually dissociating:1. I’m the most productive, capable person I know<\/p>\n

We live in a society that values productivity, grit, sacrifice, and hard work. Those who give everything of themselves (either to a job or to their loved ones) are often rewarded for their discipline and devotion. For that reason, high achievers usually have no idea they\u2019re dissociated \u2014 and neither does anyone around them. Kase said:<\/p>\n

\u201cHigh-functioning individuals, in particular, tend to miss it entirely. As long as they are productive, responsible, and outwardly successful, neither they nor others recognize that a significant part of their emotional and bodily experience is being muted. [\u2026] Their dissociation is rarely recognized as distress. Instead, it is mistaken for maturity, resilience, or emotional strength.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because your self-abandonment benefits others, the people closest to you may overlook your silent suffering \u2014 and some might actively discourage your healing.<\/p>\n

2. I constantly lose track of time<\/p>\n

\"woman Sandra Seitamaa \/ Unsplash+<\/p>\n

Studies show that<\/a> dissociation is linked to temporal distortion. In other words, it changes the way you experience the passage of time. For people with dissociative disorders, time often feels fragmented.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The past, present, and future blur together, and some moments seem to stretch out forever or collapse into the blink of an eye. Some people clock out entirely, losing huge chunks of time throughout the day.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn many ways, dissociation is the opposite of mindfulness,\u201d Kase said. \u201cWhere mindfulness involves staying connected to the present moment, dissociation involves reducing awareness of what is happening inside and around us.\u201d<\/p>\n

While some have \u201cgreat difficulty meeting expectations,\u201d others (usually high achievers) keep themselves \u201cbusy from morning until night,\u201d staying \u201chighly organized and scheduled\u201d to fill every minute with productivity instead of presence, said Dr. Alissa.<\/p>\n

RELATED: 6 Signs Someone\u2019s Emotionally Drifting Away From You, According To Psychology<\/a><\/p>\n

3. I have a terrible memory<\/p>\n

Time and memory<\/a> are closely linked in the brain. The hippocampus uses time to organize our experiences. When one becomes distorted, the other usually follows.<\/p>\n

On the milder end of the dissociation spectrum, \u201cSome people say they may drive from one place to another without remembering anything of the drive,\u201d said Dr. Alissa.<\/p>\n

But according to Kase, people with extreme dissociation may experience \u201csevere disruptions in memory,\u201d in which they remember very little about their childhoods, formative experiences, or specific recent events.<\/p>\n

Others may block out traumatic memories altogether, totally forgetting that they happened. It\u2019s a psychological firewall designed to protect us, but it often results in emotional detachment and a fractured sense of self.<\/p>\n

4. I feel like I’m living in a dream<\/p>\n

For years, I told my doctors about my horrendous brain fog, and all of them assumed it was something physical rather than mental.<\/p>\n

\u201cThyroid problems.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVitamin deficiency.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHormones.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cObesity.\u201d<\/p>\n

In actuality, my brain fog was a symptom of dissociation.<\/a> According to Kase, those with dissociative disorders feel like they\u2019re \u201cliving in a dream,\u201d describing their reality as \u201cflat, muted, numb, floaty, fluffy, or faded.\u201d They may also feel like they\u2019re \u201cwatching life from a distance,\u201d as if from a third-person perspective.<\/p>\n

5. I intellectualize my emotions rather than feel them<\/p>\n

\"woman Mushaboom Studio \/ Unsplash+<\/p>\n

Our culture also tends to respect logical people and discredit people who are \u201ctoo emotional.\u201d That goes double for women, who are more likely than men<\/a> to be diagnosed with dissociative disorders. Kase said:<\/p>\n

\u201cMany women are socialized from an early age to be competent, agreeable, pleasant, and emotionally contained. They are taught, explicitly and implicitly, that their safety and success depend on being likable, productive, and non-disruptive. Women then learn to suppress fear, anger, and dissent so they are not seen as \u2018difficult,\u2019 \u2018dramatic,\u2019 or \u2018too much.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

As a result, many people with dissociation can no longer access strong emotions, like grief or joy. Rather, they intellectualize whatever happens to them, navigating life through logical narratives instead of their feelings.<\/p>\n

RELATED: 5 Weird Ways Your Body Warns You That Stagnant Emotions Are Weighing You Down, According To A Nervous System Coach<\/a><\/p>\n

6. I have a high tolerance for pain<\/p>\n

In my early 20s, I got my wisdom teeth pulled without laughing gas, anesthesia, or Advil. I didn\u2019t feel a thing.<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re dissociated, your brain actually produces opioids. It pumps out endorphins to protect you from pain, both physical and emotional. You may feel totally disconnected from your body, as if you\u2019re on drugs \u2014 because in a way, you are.<\/p>\n

But for women especially, disconnecting from bodily discomfort is encouraged from a young age. According to Kase, most girls are taught to endure pain so they can meet cultural beauty standards, whether that\u2019s \u201cignoring hunger, reshaping their appearance, or minimizing physical discomfort to look like a supermodel.\u201d<\/p>\n

Similarly, over 56% of women report that<\/a> health care providers have minimized or dismissed their pain, especially when it comes to endometriosis, childbirth, and autoimmune disorders.<\/p>\n

Women simply learn to grin and bear it. \u201cOver time, this trains the nervous system to prioritize compliance and productivity over internal awareness,\u201d Kase said.<\/p>\n

7. I struggle to maintain boundaries<\/p>\n

\"man Jayson Hinrichsen \/ Unsplash+<\/p>\n

Someone with dissociation may use \u201cdistractions to cope with stress, like video games or doomscrolling,\u201d said Dr. Alissa. Setting personal boundaries around these behaviors may feel nearly impossible \u2014 because they\u2019re a survival strategy. But those with dissociation may struggle to set boundaries<\/a> with other people, too.<\/p>\n

At the height of my dissociative disorder, I\u2019d pick up my phone at 2:00 a.m. to console people I barely knew. Let boyfriends walk all over me. Prioritize everyone else\u2019s needs over my own. Overextend myself without hesitation, because other people\u2019s feelings felt urgent, and mine felt optional.<\/p>\n

RELATED: 10 Signs You’ve Been Emotionally Numb For A Long Time \u2014 Probably Since Childhood<\/a><\/p>\n

8. I felt ike a stranger to myself<\/p>\n

Kase\u2019s patients often say things like, \u201cI\u2019m doing everything I\u2019m supposed to be doing, but I don\u2019t feel present in my own life,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m functioning, but I feel emotionally distant from myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

After all, who are we without our memories, boundaries, and emotions? In more extreme cases, like dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder), \u201cthe mind may compartmentalize experiences into distinct parts to manage overwhelming trauma,\u201d said Kase.<\/p>\n

You may feel as though you\u2019re comprised of different \u201cpersonality states,\u201d and these states \u201ctake over\u201d when the nervous system slips into survival mode.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So you suspect you have dissociation \u2014 now what?<\/p>\n

First things first: Get a professional opinion. Kase emphasizes that this list is not a formal diagnosis: \u201cAll of these symptoms can be present with a myriad of other mental health and physical health diagnoses,\u201d so \u201cit\u2019s important to seek professional help for an appropriate evaluation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once you have a diagnosis, you can find a way to heal. Research shows that trauma-informed psychotherapy<\/a>, bilateral stimulation, cognitive or dialectical behavioral therapy, internal family systems, and somatic therapies can all help with dissociation.<\/p>\n

My therapist treated my dissociative disorder with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing <\/a>(EMDR): an evidence-based therapy that processes trauma using bilateral stimulation. Basically, my eyes followed a bouncing square on a computer screen while my brain focused on the most messed-up things I had ever experienced.<\/p>\n

To my shock, it cracked me wide open. I won\u2019t lie. It wasn\u2019t easy. Some days, I miss my numbness, but I wouldn\u2019t go back. The joy, empathy, and love I now feel are worth the pain, fear, and heartache.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt its core, dissociation is not a sign of weakness or pathology, but rather evidence of adaptation,\u201d said Kase. \u201cFor those who grow up in unsafe, chaotic, or emotionally neglectful environments, dissociation often becomes the pathway to stability and achievement.\u201d<\/p>\n

You\u2019re so much stronger than you realize. You survived everything that happened to you \u2014 and should you choose to treat your trauma, you\u2019ll survive that, too. Like me, you may find that emotions are not the enemy; they\u2019re a compass back to who you are underneath the numbness.<\/p>\n

RELATED: According To Psychology, 5 Simple Tools Can Stop Zoning Out When Stress Makes You Dissociate <\/a><\/p>\n

Maria Cassano<\/a> is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food & Wine, and Allure, among others. S<\/p>\n

Related Stories From YourTango:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"When I was 28 years old, a psychologist informed me that I was not, in fact, a sociopath.…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":518215,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[18173,59,102,1906,23399,369,3830,7814,56,54,55],"class_list":{"0":"post-518214","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-feminism","9":"tag-gb","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-mental-health","12":"tag-mindfulness","13":"tag-psychology","14":"tag-self","15":"tag-trauma","16":"tag-uk","17":"tag-united-kingdom","18":"tag-unitedkingdom"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/518214","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=518214"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/518214\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/518215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=518214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=518214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=518214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}