It is our sad duty to report that Scott Parker has finally, officially and irrevocably broken.<\/p>\n
A likely outcome, given his imminent sixth Premier League relegation \u2013 three each as a player and manager \u2013 with this Burnley drop comfortably the most apathetic and existential of all.<\/p>\n
But the degree to which Parker has lost his entire mind feels particularly stark, and was laid bare after the loss to Brighton.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve seen them back. Certainly the second one to the eye, when I\u2019m looking at it, it doesn\u2019t look offside. But we\u2019re in a world now of technology. We\u2019re in a world of AI. We\u2019re in a world of that if a computer technology or a robot says that it is, us as humans, we\u2019ll accept that and just accept it for that\u2019s what it is, because that\u2019s what we\u2019ve become accustomed to, to just accept.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo me, it doesn\u2019t look like that. But, of course, I say that. I\u2019ve become accustomed to saying: \u2018well, if a robot says it is or he says this, then that must be true\u2019 and that\u2019s just the way it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
Erm\u2026Parklife?<\/p>\n
It is a bit weird that it took 20 Premier League defeats to cause a rupture in the Parker matrix this season, that 170 or so days without winning at home is his limit to cause a malfunction which renders his PR training moot and means he no longer automatically cites \u201cfine margins\u201d but instead simply blames the futility of mankind for losing 2-0 to Brighton.<\/p>\n
So much of the rant suitably makes little sense. Does Parker think assistants Marc Perry and Andy Robertson\u2019s best friend Constantine Hatzidakis<\/a> were Chat GPT-ed into Turf Moor? That Peter Bankes on VAR was replaced with Grok? What is \u201ca computer technology\u201d? And why has this all caused Parker to put himself at the forefront of the righteous battle against our future mechanical overlords?<\/p>\n