Name: Placeholder partner.<\/p>\n
Age: As a phrase, new. As a concept, less so. It\u2019s probably become more prevalent with the abundance of dating apps.<\/p>\n
So this is about dating? There\u2019s a clue in the \u201cpartner\u201d part of the phrase.<\/p>\n
And a placeholder is someone that occupies the position of another person for a while? Correct.<\/p>\n
So we\u2019re not talking about for ever partners, just temporary ones? So temporary that you hardly need to be there.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s fine isn\u2019t it? You\u2019re in a relationship, even though you\u2019re not going to be life partners. That\u2019s normal. Perhaps you\u2019re just FWB, that\u2019s \u2026 Friends with benefits, yes, I know. There\u2019s another term for it that\u2019s less suitable for Pass notes. Of course that\u2019s fine, but they are not placeholder partners.<\/p>\n
Why not? A placeholder partner doesn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n
Doesn\u2019t know what? That they\u2019re not \u201cthe one\u201d, Mr or Mrs Right. They think they\u2019ve got a future together and might even be living with their partner, when actually they\u2019re just good for now.<\/p>\n
Like a seat-warmer? If you like. Although placeholder partner is the phrase that\u2019s sweeping social media<\/a>.<\/p>\n Modern dating is so complicated, what with all the ghosting, <\/a>zombieing<\/a> and <\/a>kittenfishing<\/a> that goes on. See also cloaking and breadcrumbing.<\/p>\n Is that when you make an escalope for your date? No, it\u2019s when you lead someone on with no intention of it leading to anything meaningful. But back to the matter in hand \u2026<\/p>\n If only there were a good example from popular culture to help me. You know Taylor Swift?<\/p>\n Don\u2019t tell me her NFL fiance, Travis Kelce, is a placeholder? No, I am thinking about her 2024 song So Long, London<\/a> and the lyric: \u201cI died on the altar waiting for the proof,\u201d which is understood to be about investing years of her youth in a relationship that didn\u2019t turn out to be \u201cthe one\u201d.<\/p>\n I\u2019m a bit old to be a Swiftie, do you have anything older? How about Friends? Ross marrying Emily while obviously still having feelings for Rachel? No? Earlier still? Henry VIII?<\/p>\n And what are some signs that I might be in a placeholder relationship? The Washington Post talked to experts<\/a> who said a wandering eye isn\u2019t a great sign. And the paradox of choice <\/a>brought on by all the dating platforms \u2013 whereby the more options there are, the harder it is to commit \u2013 isn\u2019t helping.<\/p>\n Any other signs? A failure to talk about the future, not wanting to meet your friends or family, a general lack of interest and effort \u2026<\/p>\n Hmm, too many alarm bells ringing here. The experts also say the best thing to do to find out where your partner stands is to talk to them.<\/p>\n Do say: \u201cI just wonder how you feel about \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Don\u2019t say: \u201cA bit late for that, dear, we\u2019ve been married for 40 years.\u201d<\/p>\n