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James Cleverly gets involved in the clean-upStefan Rousseau\/PA<\/p>\nIt said \u201cKemi\u2019s Graffiti Patrol\u201d on the backs of their heavy duty jackets but it didn\u2019t make it clearer who or what they actually were. No explanation made any kind of sense. Was this really half the shadow cabinet, marching down a South London street, squeegee brushes over their shoulder? Or was it some kind of middle class Blazin\u2019 Squad reboot?<\/p>\n
When the invitations arrived to come and watch Kemi Badenoch, Mel Stride, Chris Philp and the rest clean up some graffiti in south London, some of us dared to dream. There was at least a chance, however small, that it might involve a Rover 825 Sterling saloon and the words \u201cCOCK PISS PARTRIDGE\u201d but alas that was not to be. \u201cKemi\u2019s Graffiti Patrol\u201d was a stunt whose time had come, if too late for Alan Partridge.<\/p>\n
\t\tKemi Badenoch and the shadow cabinet scrub graffitied walls<\/p>\n
There were plastic buckets of soapy water set out at the foot of a brick wall, beneath 8ft high \u201ctags\u201d in green and yellow. Whoever \u201cBARZ\u201d might be, well, he\u2019s famous now, at least among the sort of people who enthusiastically consume politics live blogs, which may not have been his intended target audience.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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As modern politics goes, you\u2019d be hard pushed to find a more perfect vignette. Badenoch, James Cleverly and the rest of the crew, all stood in a long line in front of the TV news cameras, spraying their pressure washers against a brick wall, which, after 20 minutes of not especially strenuous effort, looked exactly the same as it did before. All smiling away, videoed in the act of doing something, but with nothing actually happening. The only way it could have been improved as a piece of public artwork would be if Banksy himself had spray painted it and been forced to clean it off.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is tough to clean,\u201d Badenoch eventually conceded. \u201cI\u2019ve got a lot off this one, but it\u2019s only one brick.\u201d<\/p>\n
Michael the Geordie handyman, the one who eventually ended up working at the petrol station, could have told her that. Behind her, it appeared as if Mel Stride had all but given up, and was reaching instead for a can of purple spray, so that the defacement might be if not removed then at least desensitised, possibly to \u201cCOOK PASS BABTRIDGE\u201d.<\/p>\n
James Cleverly gets involved in the clean-upStefan Rousseau\/PA<\/p>\n
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Elliott Franks<\/p>\n
Next to him, the shadow health secretary, Victoria Atkins, was rubbing a sponge against some sort of steel door. They were, theoretically, launching some kind of new policy. \u201cPeople who graffiti our streets should be made to clear it up,\u201d said Badenoch. It\u2019s a fine idea but is it, perhaps, still just a touch too early for the Conservatives to be angrily insisting people be made to clear up their own mess?<\/p>\n
She gave a short interview at the end, in which she was asked about Donald Trump\u2019s rather poor quality tweet in which he had depicted himself as Jesus healing the sick<\/a>. She turned her head to one side and pushed a gentle sigh out through her nostrils. \u201cI am here to hold Keir Starmer to account. It\u2019s not my job to hold Donald Trump to account,\u201d she said. \u201cI am not here to talk about Donald Trump<\/a>\u2019s tweets.\u201d<\/p>\n It was a noble answer. She seemed to have captured the mood of the moment. Serious, world-changing things are happening, yet politics has become ever more ridiculous and absurd. But not for Kemi. Sorry, but no, she simply wasn\u2019t going to engage with banal nonsense. Over her left shoulder, the shadow culture secretary Nigel Huddleston quickened the pace of his sponge up and down the brick wall in front of him, presumably in a show of solidarity.<\/p>\n