\u201cOh, are you trying to analyse me right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me tell you all about my nephew\u2019s mental health difficulties\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOk, tell me what I\u2019m thinking right now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI bet you\u2019re wondering why so many people are wearing green shoes tonight\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could never do what you do, it seems so upsetting.\u201d<\/p>\n
My answer to most of these questions is to politely avoid the question and go talk to someone else. I have no desire to be a psychologist when I\u2019m out at a party or event, but I also don\u2019t want to be rude.<\/p>\n
But the last question sticks with me sometimes. Why do I choose to do a job where I listen to people\u2019s trauma<\/a> and sad lives? I\u2019m not voyeuristic. I\u2019m not someone who listens to gruesome crime<\/a> podcasts in my spare time. I don\u2019t watch TV shows that are violent or contain distressing material. I especially don\u2019t want to hear about sexual<\/a> trauma in my spare time. But in my job I am very willing to listen to anything and everything people feel ready to share, even if it is violent or morally challenging or if they went through absolute hell.<\/p>\n So what\u2019s the difference? The answer is the why. Listening to a trauma story for the fun of it isn\u2019t fun and isn\u2019t something I want to do. It doesn\u2019t help anyone, it just leaves me feeling emotionally battered and bruised for no one\u2019s benefit.<\/p>\n But being there, in the room with someone who has been hurt, whether it was physically, sexually or emotionally, or hearing their story of being neglected or not protected, I\u2019m not doing that for my entertainment. I\u2019m doing it because there is real power in someone being able to share their experiences and to feel heard and to feel believed. To have someone listen to their story and say \u201cI\u2019m sorry that happened to you, what happened was wrong, and it was not your fault\u201d. Or to say to someone, \u201cI hear that you did some things that were wrong, and you are more than your worst day, let\u2019s find a way to heal and repair.\u201d<\/p>\n I work with people who were sexually harmed as children and then spent years blaming themselves for what happened to them. This can happen because their abuser tells them that directly. Or it can happen because the people who were supposed to protect the child didn\u2019t know about the abuse, so they never got the chance to tell the child that what happened to them was wrong and not the child\u2019s fault. Or maybe the adults did know about it, but didn\u2019t know how to respond helpfully and accidentally or sometimes deliberately gave the wrong messages.<\/p>\n Other times, people look back on their childhood<\/a> experiences with their adult brains and forgot that they were just small children with limited options and limited people to talk to or places to go. Sometimes blaming yourself for your abuse feels safer than acknowledging that the adults in your life failed to keep you safe.<\/p>\n