{"id":563668,"date":"2026-05-03T07:58:10","date_gmt":"2026-05-03T07:58:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/563668\/"},"modified":"2026-05-03T07:58:10","modified_gmt":"2026-05-03T07:58:10","slug":"from-shared-toothbrushes-to-mid-sex-water-bladders-you-be-the-judge-tries-to-settle-domestic-disputes-but-what-happened-next-life-and-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/563668\/","title":{"rendered":"From shared toothbrushes to mid-sex water bladders, You Be the Judge tries to settle domestic disputes. But what happened next? | Life and style"},"content":{"rendered":"

Since 2021, I\u2019ve had one of the most brilliantly nosy jobs in journalism. Writing Saturday magazine\u2019s You be the judge column has let me into the interior lives of others, lifting the lid on the everyday irritations that grind people\u2019s gears in their closest relationships. It\u2019s the pettiness that gets people going. I\u2019ve interviewed couples at war over alarms<\/a> and dishcloths<\/a>, girlfriends disagreeing about dog care<\/a>, and sisters who cohabit and argue about their sex lives<\/a>.<\/p>\n

With interviews conducted online and in person, I\u2019ve accumulated domestic disputes from every corner of the globe which have also sparked heated debates online. Part small-claims court, part sociological experiment, You be the judge turns low-stakes grievances into battles that somehow feel life-or-death, and it\u2019s fascinating to see which minor injustices ignite the fiercest debates.<\/p>\n

Now, nearly five years in, I thought it would be good to revisit some of our most controversial couples, to see what they have been up to since we last spoke and whether the court of public opinion has led to more friction \u2013 or caused them to change their ways.<\/p>\n

Two interviewees who gained online virality are Leanne and Wes, whose water-bladder dispute<\/a> of 2025 sent readers into a tizzy. Leanne wrote in after \u201ca\u00a0couple of drinks\u201d to settle a bedroom disagreement involving Wes and a plastic water bladder that had been sipped from during an intimate moment, prompting an immediate sexual shutdown and a string of tricky conversations afterwards. So did the incident change the flow of their relationship at all? \u201cWe resolved it quickly, as we are good at discussing our disagreements, but I think I\u2019m quite a pest by nature,\u201d Wes tells me with a wry smile on Zoom. \u201cThat wasn\u2019t the intention of using the water bladder at that moment, of course. I just thought it would be a funny moment, but seeing how Leanne reacted, I immediately knew I\u2019d messed up.\u201d Leanne says they were open with their friends and it quickly became a running joke in their group, which she didn\u2019t mind. \u201cWe had a friend come over for dinner and threaten to bring their water bladder.\u201d<\/p>\n

double quotation markThe water bladder was a touchy subject. I was amused by the comments, though; most people said I was the villain <\/p>\n

I first spoke to Leanne and Wes weeks after the bedroom incident and mere hours before we were all, coincidentally, headed to Glastonbury festival. Leanne informed me that the water bladder was due to make a return solely for hydration purposes, although she claimed this would also give her \u201cthe ick\u201d. I didn\u2019t spot them at Worthy Farm but I wanted to know: did she cave and use the contraption that haunted her? \u201cYes,\u201d she confesses. \u201cI was stubborn at first, but as soon as it got to the first night and I was thirsty, I drank from it.\u201d The ground rules were simple. \u201cI stipulated that the bladder wasn\u2019t to go in the tent or hang from inside, which Wes did stick to. It\u2019s useful for its original purpose, but it\u2019s still banned from the bedroom.\u201d Even though the bladder was a one-off unexpected third party in the bedroom, its impact was far-reaching. \u201cIt was still quite raw at Glastonbury,\u201d Wes laughs. \u201cWe didn\u2019t dress it up for the column. It was a touchy subject. I was amused by the comments, though; most people said I was the villain, although some incel types said Leanne was too controlling because it wasn\u2019t her house, which I don\u2019t agree with. Someone also said I reminded them of a hamster drinking from a bottle.\u201d Wes has now stuffed his water bladder in a drawer until the summer.<\/p>\n

Readers can cast their vote for or against the \u201cprosecution\u201d via a poll at the end of each column, as well as weigh in through the comments. Derren and Margy, who wrote about Derren\u2019s inability to double-knot his laces<\/a>, experienced both the ire and the unexpected benefits of the comments section. \u201cSome people took it so seriously,\u201d Derren says. \u201cOne even weighed up the sunk-cost fallacy of our relationship. People said we should break up; that we were insufferable.\u201d Yet the anonymous wisdom of strangers proved unexpectedly useful. After reading through the comments, Derren realised he\u2019d been tying his laces incorrectly his entire life. \u201cI learned I was using a granny knot, which loosens easily, instead of a reef knot, which is much more secure,\u201d he explains. \u201cThe key difference is the direction of the ties: a granny knot twists because you alternate directions, while a reef knot goes the same way both times.\u201d Retraining muscle memory took time, but after a few months the switch stuck and it paid off. \u201cMy shoes never come loose now. It\u2019s an exciting development.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe haven\u2019t had one incident since he changed his lace-tying technique,\u201d Margy adds. \u201cBefore, we\u2019d miss trains and buses because Derren slowed us down. I\u2019d turn around mid-conversation and he\u2019d be on the floor. Now we\u2019ve gained time together. We can have more meditative moments together as we walk.\u201d<\/p>\n

Illustration: Igor Bastidas\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

City-slickers Lars and Lily were locked in a low-level war over Lily\u2019s fondness for taking plant cuttings in public<\/a>. Back in 2024, when Lily was pregnant, Lars was mortified by what he saw as his wife\u2019s horticultural thefts, worried their future child might grow up to be a societal disruptor \u2013 and two years later, Lily has changed her views. \u201cPeople sided with Lars, which instilled in me a bigger sense of self-restraint; and also my baby, Benji, has made me think twice,\u201d she says over email. \u201cI\u2019ve realised that whatever I do, he copies. I haven\u2019t snapped any cuttings in front of him, but I do let him touch plants in public.\u201d Perhaps the apple doesn\u2019t fall too far from the tree. \u201cSometimes Benji ends up snapping off a leaf or a flower, which isn\u2019t ideal,\u201d she says. \u201cBut I won\u2019t forbid him to touch plants completely. Lars probably does more to stop him than me. It illustrates our different attitudes as parents. I am more free and want to satisfy Benji\u2019s needs, but Lars has a clear idea of limits that should be respected in society.\u201d Even though the court of public opinion influenced Lily\u2019s behaviour, she\u2019s less preoccupied with plants these days. \u201cBecause of childcare, I don\u2019t really have as much time to think about cuttings, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

In January 2026, a parking ticket disagreement<\/a> drove a wedge between mother and daughter. Margaret, 64, dropped Georgia, 32, off at the airport for her holiday, with her partner Bill in the driving seat of Georgia\u2019s car. When Georgia returned home, she found herself the recipient of an airport drop-off ticket that had already doubled, to \u00a3100. Margaret offered to pay half, but Georgia wasn\u2019t happy. The outcome, however, worked in favour of them both. \u201cI appealed and won,\u201d Georgia grins when I meet her for a coffee. \u201cThere\u2019s a Reddit thread which goes into detail about how, if Gatwick airport can\u2019t prove who was driving, you can appeal it and win, based on some land laws. It was very handy. I copied it verbatim and won. Mum had, very kindly, already sent me the total fine, which was \u00a3100. But I sent it back straight away and then, later, told her of the outcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

double quotation markHer reaction was quite funny to me, but we got over it within five minutes <\/p>\n

Did she agree with the consensus that, at 32, she should have driven herself to the airport, and she was entitled and bratty? Georgia shrugs. \u201cI don\u2019t care,\u201d she says. \u201cThey don\u2019t know the intricacies of our relationship, which has been testing, emotionally, over the years. I\u00a0stand by what I said. I thanked her at the time. It\u2019s nice for someone to do you a favour, but there\u2019s nothing worse than it turning out worse than if you\u2019d just done it yourself. I wasn\u2019t responsible for the fine because I\u00a0wasn\u2019t driving.\u201d When I catch up with Margaret, she\u2019s over it. \u201cI\u2019m just glad it\u2019s sorted,\u201d she says. \u201c\u00a3100 is a lot of money, so as long as Georgia has managed to get out of it, I\u2019m happy. I didn\u2019t read the comments.\u201d<\/p>\n

For some, the mere fact of being written about online is galling. Ella had to come to terms with appearing in the column after her friend Aleesha wrote in. \u201cI felt like I had no choice, because it was all arranged, and I didn\u2019t want to look bothered because I had overreacted at the time.\u201d When we spoke in 2023, Aleesha was amused that her best friend of 15 years had reacted with horror at her buying a similar top without warning<\/a> and debuting it at Glastonbury with the idea that they could match.<\/p>\n

For her part, Ella was irritated about having to discuss it again: \u201cI know it was silly but I had already parked it, then I felt I had to dig up my feelings again. And then once more, when we read the comments online.\u201d And now, I ask? \u201cIt\u2019s fine. I\u2019m over it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHer reaction was quite funny to me, but we got over it within five minutes,\u201d Aleesha says now. \u201cElla doesn\u2019t like people copying her style, but it was one item and it wasn\u2019t even identical. We look very different and we live in different countries \u2013 we\u2019re never going to turn up wearing the same thing. It was never that deep.\u201d Ella concedes she \u201cjust had a moment\u201d and, three years on, barely remembers the offending top. \u201cI don\u2019t even know where it is now,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m pregnant anyway, so I probably won\u2019t wear that style of clothing again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Edward and Alice were delighted to revisit a personal hygiene dispute that centred on Edward secretly hiding his toothbrush<\/a> whenever he stayed at his wife\u2019s family home in the country, where the household policy was, controversially, toothbrush sharing. \u201cI\u2019m absolutely thrilled to be giving an update on toothbrush-gate,\u201d Edward says on WhatsApp, his glee unmistakable. \u201cI felt very vindicated by how firmly everyone sided with me.\u201d His tone softens when he recalls the fallout. \u201cThe real casualty was Alice\u2019s mum: she was absolutely mortified when she read about it. She kept saying, \u2018Oh my God, I hope you don\u2019t feel we overstepped the mark.\u2019 Honestly, I\u2019m relaxed about the whole thing and think it\u2019s funny. But Alice\u2019s siblings \u2013 who also share toothbrushes \u2013 were like, \u2018Why are you making such a big deal out of it?\u2019 Luckily, I could point to the comments as proof that it wasn\u2019t just me being difficult.\u201d The public verdict proved useful leverage. \u201cIt was great ammo for behaviour change,\u201d Edward says. \u201cAlice\u2019s whole family are much more careful about toothbrushes now and her elder sister doesn\u2019t share at all any more.\u201d<\/p>\n

double quotation markToothbrush-gate made it into the groom\u2019s speech at my sister’s wedding<\/p>\n

Toothbrush-gate has since entered family lore. \u201cThe column came up at my sister\u2019s wedding last year,\u201d Alice says. \u201cIt made it into the groom\u2019s speech, which brought fresh shame on our family, but was very funny.\u201d She admits most readers were unforgiving. \u201cEveryone said we were disgusting, that our family wasn\u2019t real. But growing up I always thought sharing toothbrushes was cute. It\u2019s just how we were brought up.\u201d Still the legacy endures. Alice notes that her brother-in-law now hides his toothbrush whenever he visits. \u201cOur children have their own toothbrushes, though,\u201d she adds. \u201cThey won\u2019t grow up like I did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Edward says marrying into Alice\u2019s family has softened his own hygiene standards in other ways. \u201cThey also share towels at the house,\u201d he says. \u201cI come from a family where towels were named and kept separate. But now I share them when I\u2019m there.\u201d Has he resolved to hide his toothbrush for eternity? Not quite. \u201cI think Alice\u2019s family have become better with having their own when I come to stay, but I don\u2019t check or ask if they still use mine. I just don\u2019t care as much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not everyone remains on good terms, post-column. When I reach out to Lani and Wendy, housemates who disagreed over subletting best practice<\/a> back in 2023, I find they no longer live together \u2013 or speak. \u201cLani preventing me from subletting was the final straw for me,\u201d Wendy tells me via Zoom. \u201cIt was all power moves with her. I felt she was chipping away at my rights even though I paid rent, too. I didn\u2019t want to keep begging her to let my friends stay over whenever I travelled to claw back a bit of money. It wasn\u2019t fair.\u201d<\/p>\n

Illustration: Igor Bastidas\/Igor The Guardiandouble quotation markIt\u2019s much fairer now. I still get great food and he still gets the fire <\/p>\n

Lani sees it differently. \u201cI don\u2019t mind the odd mate staying instead of Wendy if they were cool,\u201d she tells me. \u201cBut she would go away for a week and expect me to live with a total stranger. And I wasn\u2019t paying all that rent to live with people I didn\u2019t know; she was being unreasonable.\u201d Wendy moved out shortly after her attempt to sublet for 10 days was rejected by Lani. \u201cWe had a big blow-out and when I got back from my trip to Paris I decided to look for somewhere else.\u201d Wendy feels sad about the situation. \u201cWe made up before she left but it wasn\u2019t really the same.\u201d She now lives with \u201ca normal boring male room-mate\u201d who has enough money that he doesn\u2019t have to sublet \u201c10 times a year\u201d.<\/p>\n

But for housemates Jason and Jamal, domestic bliss is very much the order of the day. Jason, who is of Irish and British descent, had complained that, when it was Jamal\u2019s turn to cook in their shared house, the food was calibrated to Jamal\u2019s spice tolerance<\/a> rather than his own (Jamal is Nigerian). \u201cI love Jamal\u2019s cooking, but my stomach is weak,\u201d Jason says. \u201cI just can\u2019t handle the heat and it was impacting my week. We had a cooking schedule and, if I ate Jamal\u2019s food, the next day I would be suffering.\u201d These days, they\u2019ve reached a compromise: Jamal cooks with a gentler hand, keeping dishes mild at the base, while adding chilli, sauces or extra spice to his own portion at the end. \u201cIt\u2019s much fairer,\u201d Jason says. \u201cI still get great food and Jamal still gets the fire. He\u2019s also taught me a bit about cooking differently, which I like. My meals are just a lot more exciting in general now.\u201d Jamal and Jason have lived together for almost three years. \u201cI think he\u2019s improved a lot,\u201d Jamal says. \u201cIf we\u2019re going to cook for each other during the week, we both have to enjoy the food.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, compromise is the desired outcome. And it\u2019s satisfying to see how You be the judge can help iron out so many of our shared frustrations \u2013 it\u2019s practically a public service at this point.<\/p>\n

Find out how to get a disagreement settled or become a juror<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Since 2021, I\u2019ve had one of the most brilliantly nosy jobs in journalism. Writing Saturday magazine\u2019s You be…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":563669,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[49,50,51,47,52,48],"class_list":["post-563668","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-headlines","tag-headlines","tag-news","tag-top-news","tag-top-stories","tag-topnews","tag-topstories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/563668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=563668"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/563668\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/563669"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=563668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=563668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=563668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}