This past Mother\u2019s Day was particularly poignant for me. This year marks the 10th year of my mother\u2019s passing away in Bangalore, India, from a rare cancer.<\/p>\n
Social media<\/a> was filled with tributes to the world\u2019s wonderful moms. My mother, Lakshmi, was also amazing.<\/p>\n And she was also\u2026 difficult.<\/p>\n Reflecting on my mother leaves me with lasting lessons about the impact of \u201cdifficult people\u201d in our lives and careers. Calling someone \u201cdifficult\u201d could seem pejorative, but it\u2019s actually descriptive of the complex interpersonal dynamics that may not be as simple as we would like, but are active reflections of reality.<\/p>\n Mom gave my brother and me our strength, resilience<\/a>, drive, and, above all, moral fiber. She was also kind and generous, especially to those less fortunate than us. She was a feminist in her own right, establishing boundaries<\/a> for herself in the deeply traditional culture of South India\u2019s Iyengar community. She was a big proponent of the education<\/a> of working-class Indian women and paid for all our housemaids\u2019 children\u2019s schooling and kept track of their grades.<\/p>\n And my mother was also a difficult person. Stubborn, negative, pessimistic, and prone to bouts of anger<\/a> and frustration. \u201cNo\u201d was her default mode. But we knew how much she loved us.<\/p>\n Over time, my dad, brother, and I understood that Mom could never really be pleased, only managed. Married to her for 60 years, my dad became a master of stoicism. I could never figure out why she was the way she was.<\/p>\n Until one day, I was waiting for a prescription at my local pharmacy and browsing through a metal revolving book stand filled with paperbacks. I saw a book I think was titled How to Deal With Difficult People. My heart leaped. Wait, there was a category of people with psychological traits that made them \u201cdifficult people\u201d? I instantly thought of mom, and everything fell into place.<\/p>\n I started flipping through the book. The message was clear. Being a \u201cdifficult person\u201d is a personality<\/a> trait that makes some people virtually impossible to please. It can also be shaped by her lack of self-determination and clear expression, manifesting<\/a> as anxiety<\/a>, depression<\/a>, or loneliness<\/a>. Looking back, I suspect that may have been part of my mother\u2019s story, especially after her children moved to the United States.<\/p>\n Difficult people can create real strain on those around them, whether family members, friends, colleagues, employees, or bosses.<\/p>\n Managing Difficult Bosses and Employees<\/p>\n