If I described someone whose mood had suddenly shifted\u2014someone more irritable, emotionally reactive, inclined to take risks, withdrawn, and harder to communicate with\u2014you might worry something serious was happening.<\/p>\n
But what I\u2019ve just described is also a normal part of human development: adolescence<\/a>.<\/p>\n For many parents, the transition from childhood<\/a> to adolescence can feel sudden and disorienting. One day, our child seems open and eager to connect. The next, we find ourselves wondering: What happened?<\/p>\n As parents, we may feel confused, rejected, powerless, or sad. And yet adolescence\u2014with all its intensity and unpredictability\u2014is also a necessary and meaningful stage of growth.<\/p>\n Rather than viewing adolescence only as a problem to manage, it can help to see it as a developmental cocoon: messy, active, confusing, and full of transformation. My friend and colleague, Dr. Assaf Oshri of the University of Georgia\u2019s Center for Developmental Science, describes attunement\u2014the ability to accurately sense, understand, and respond to a teen\u2019s emotional state\u2014as one of the most important protective factors in adolescent development and mental health. When we overreact, overcontrol, or move too quickly into judgment, we can unintentionally create distance and rupture.<\/p>\n Our role is not to control every part of adolescence. Our role is to help our teens emerge from it with greater emotional steadiness, psychological flexibility, and a stronger sense of self. In other words, we want to help them move from A\u2014adolescence\u2014to B\u2014balance.<\/p>\n Here are five \u201cB\u2019s\u201d that can help.<\/p>\n 1. Be the Benchmark<\/p>\n Teens learn far more from what we do than from what we say.<\/p>\n They watch how we handle stress<\/a>, disappointment, anger<\/a>, conflict, and mistakes. They notice whether we apologize<\/a>, whether we listen, and whether we are willing to grow.<\/p>\n Being the benchmark does not mean being perfect. No parent is perfect. What matters is modeling accountability, reflection, repair, and growth.<\/p>\n A parent who struggles with frustration might say: \u201cI know I sometimes raise my voice, and I\u2019m working on handling my emotions differently.\u201d<\/p>\n That kind of honesty teaches something valuable: self-awareness and responsibility.<\/p>\n Being the benchmark means modeling the qualities we hope our teens will develop\u2014humility, emotional awareness, resilience<\/a>, and the willingness to keep growing.<\/p>\n 2. Be the Bedrock<\/p>\n Adolescence is naturally a time of experimentation, emotional intensity, and increased independence. Teens are pulled toward novelty, peers, excitement, and exploration. At the same time, their developing brains are still learning how to regulate impulses and assess consequences.<\/p>\n This is why teens still need parents to be the bedrock.<\/p>\n Being the bedrock means providing structure, stability, and safety while also respecting your teen\u2019s growing need for independence. It means setting limits not because we want to control them, but because we want to guide and protect them.<\/p>\n This includes having honest conversations about difficult topics like social media<\/a>, substances, driving, relationships, and personal safety. Silence does not protect teens. Calm, clear communication does.<\/p>\n It also means supporting the basics that are deeply connected to emotional regulation<\/a> and mental health: sleep, nutrition<\/a>, movement, routine, and responsibility.<\/p>\n Teens may resist structure, but they still need it. They may push against our limits, but they also need to know someone steady is there.<\/p>\n 3. Brainstorm With Them<\/p>\n Teens need opportunities to think, reflect, problem-solve, and learn from experience. Parents can support this development by moving away from lectures and toward collaboration<\/a>.<\/p>\n When parents respond with shame<\/a>, blame, or criticism, teens often shut down. But when parents respond with curiosity and calm, teens are more likely to think openly.<\/p>\n Adolescence Essential Reads<\/p>\n Imagine a teen goes to a party, drinks too much, and wakes up feeling sick. A parent\u2019s instinct may be: \u201cWhat were you thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n A more productive conversation might sound like:<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you feel about what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think led to that decision?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat would you want to do differently next time?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow can we help you stay safe going forward?\u201d<\/p>\n These conversations help teens build judgment and connect choices with consequences while preserving trust and communication.<\/p>\n Brainstorming with teens means helping them become thinkers, not just rule-followers.<\/p>\n 4. Build the Bond<\/p>\n One of the strongest protective factors in a teen\u2019s life is a trusting relationship with at least one caring adult.<\/p>\n