The Bishopton Ladies goalkeeper and Street Soccer charity coordinator Sarah Rhind is emphatic about how integral football has been to her survival. \u201cI can wholeheartedly say that without it I wouldn\u2019t be in the position that I\u2019m in now \u2013 if I was even lucky enough to still be here,\u201d she says. \u201cThere\u2019s been different times in my life where football showed up and was really a platform that saved me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The 42-year-old is speaking in Glasgow after the publication of her autobiography, Scars Under The Jersey. The book details Rhind\u2019s battle with heroin addiction, which took her into the darkest places, her recovery and the role football played in it, with Rhind going on to earn promotion to the Scottish top flight with Hamilton Academical in 2021.<\/p>\n
It is a striking twist in Rhind\u2019s story that before working for Street Soccer she was a participant in its free sessions, aimed at assisting at-risk and socially disadvantaged people.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn early recovery I struggled,\u201d she says. \u201cThere were times when I wanted to use, but I had Street Soccer on Tuesdays. There were times where I\u2019d come through a really rough weekend, struggling with thoughts of using and relapsing but hadn\u2019t done it. There were many times where the reason was literally: \u2018If I use, I can\u2019t go to football on Tuesday.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cFootball showed up in so many different ways in my life. It\u2019s created so many incredible opportunities and beautiful lifelong friendships and support networks. Just being part of it, having that sense of belonging, having a role and a purpose and knowing your team needs you, that you do a job that\u2019s important and that not everybody can do, gives you so much self-worth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Beyond the addiction journey, there is much readers will be able to relate to. The lack of understanding around and support for her undiagnosed dyslexia and her struggles at school are prominent. She has written the book herself despite an education system that has historically given up on those who do not connect easily with traditional teaching methods.<\/p>\n
Football provides \u2018a space to start conversations\u2019 says Sarah Rhind. Photograph: Murdo MacLeod\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
There is the impact of loss and the all-consuming grief that can accompany it. Then there is the window Rhind opens into her mind as self-harm becomes a coping mechanism and a relief. She details her slide towards addiction and what span through her mind during that time.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy mind is 24\/7 from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep at night; it\u2019s 20 tabs open and they\u2019re all about different things,\u201d she says. \u201cThat\u2019s draining and challenging but I found early on that when I was on the pitch and playing football the focus was just on that, because that was most important. It\u2019s like a transition happens. I get my boots on and step on to the pitch and I find it is the only place that I am able to leave the mental noise. It picks right back up as soon as I leave the pitch, but it is amazing to just have a space, a bit of respite.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you\u2019re in recovery and you\u2019re going through so many difficult thoughts and emotions, grappling with your entire history up to that point in different therapies, having something that just cuts you out from it a little bit is freedom.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rhind, who represented Scotland at the Homeless World Cup in 2015, enjoys giving back via Street Soccer. \u201cThe biggest reward in my job is to see the small changes in the players that I work with. It could be the first time that somebody makes eye contact with you, or that you just see them walking a bit taller, or they score their first goal and both teams celebrate that and you see the immense togetherness of it, or you see them start to believe in themselves for the first time.\u201d<\/p>\n
A particular focus is opportunities for women, particularly of her age, who she says have \u201cmissed out so much\u201d compared with the girls benefiting from the growth of the women\u2019s game. \u201cI hear all the time: \u2018I\u2019m not fit enough, not strong enough, I can\u2019t play football.\u2019 I say to them that doesn\u2019t matter. When did society become so about having to be really good at something that you can\u2019t just try it or to have fun with it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sarah Rhind (right) playing for Hamilton against Hearts in 2021. Photograph: SPP Sport Press Photo.\/Alamy<\/p>\n
Football provides \u201ca space to start conversations too\u201d, she says. \u201cIt can be very hard to sit down across the table and speak to somebody because it\u2019s an uncomfortable thing to do; you feel exposed. A tool that I use when I\u2019m supporting players is to say, depending on the situation: \u2018Come on, we get a ball, we go out on the pitch or we\u2019ll go for a walk.\u2019 It takes the focus away from them, there\u2019s something else they\u2019re focused on, and then it organically allows for the conversation to open up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Conversation and connection are key, and these are aims of her book. \u201cIt\u2019s my truth. I always thought back about what my younger self needed and what I had needed coming into recovery: it was the truth, it was people being wholeheartedly honest and helping you to feel less alone. We all go through struggles and if people find it hard to be honest and open about that, then that\u2019s something that I can do. I can share my story and hopefully that helps one person along their way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Writing the book was \u201ccathartic\u201d for Rhind, the idea having percolated since her aunt made the off-the-cuff suggestion. \u201cI never really believed that it would go anywhere but my computer \u2026 It was really tough at times \u2013 there were times where I had to put it down \u2013 but also it was just such an incredible platform for healing. I became hyper-focused on it. I had to write. It became a need.\u201d<\/p>\n
At times she wondered whether the world was ready to hear some of the most brutal aspects of her journey. \u201cI\u2019ve had a few people say that there\u2019s bits in it that are hard to read, a bit raw or a bit graphic, but I tried to do it in the right way, going into detail on some bits but not going into too much detail on others. I also wanted it to be real.\u201d<\/p>\n
One moment was particularly difficult to put down in black and white. \u201cIt had taken me a couple of weeks to actually be able to write a sentence out about being suicidal,\u201d she says. \u201cI genuinely didn\u2019t accept I was until I eventually got brave enough to write the word. I was writing out paragraph after paragraph and then rewording and dressing it up, but I hadn\u2019t been able to call it what it was.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I just wrote it and I remember it so clearly: I just sat and looked at that sentence and realised what a powerful form of therapy that process had been. The healing that I\u2019ve got out of this book is incredible. It gave me my life back. It helped me find a way forward through darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n
Recovery, though, is a process. \u201cLife is hard and that\u2019s always going to be the case; things are going to keep happening,\u201d says Rhind. \u201cBut, hopefully, I can keep building my toolbox of coping mechanisms for dealing with those things when they come, and keep talking.\u201d<\/p>\n
Scars Under the Jersey by Sarah Rhind is published by BackPage Press<\/a>. <\/p>\n In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans<\/a> can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org<\/a> or jo@samaritans.ie<\/a>. In the US, you can call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline<\/a> at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org<\/a>. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline<\/a> is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Bishopton Ladies goalkeeper and Street Soccer charity coordinator Sarah Rhind is emphatic about how integral football has…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":626214,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[218,101,56,54,55],"class_list":["post-626213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-football","tag-football","tag-sports","tag-uk","tag-united-kingdom","tag-unitedkingdom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626213","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=626213"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626213\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/626214"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=626213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=626213"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=626213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}