![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Ella-Mum-2-be90-e1781024263714.jpg\")
\n\t\tI knew my mother, who had been diagnosed with dementia in 2019, needed more than I could give her (Picture: Supplied)<\/p>\n
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\n\t\tI knew my mother, who had been diagnosed with dementia in 2019, needed more than I could give her (Picture: Supplied)<\/p>\n
Sitting in the manager\u2019s office of the care home I had just viewed, I felt something I hadn\u2019t felt for a long time when it came to my mum<\/a>: relief.<\/p>\n It really was a lovely place \u2014 warm and welcoming, with daily activities, nutritious meals, a bedroom with an ensuite, and beautiful gardens to explore.\u00a0<\/p>\n By this point, I knew my mother, Diane, who had been diagnosed with dementia<\/a> in 2019, needed more than I could give her. But moving her into a home still felt like a betrayal. Now I\u2019d seen the place for myself, I finally believed it was the best thing for both of us.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2018So, if you\u2019re happy to go ahead,\u2019 the staff member said, \u2018I\u2019ll need proof that you have \u00a3300,000 in assets and can afford the \u00a38,200 monthly fees.\u2019 <\/p>\n Any\u00a0relief I felt quickly turned to panic. A few seconds of mental arithmetic told me we were looking at almost \u00a3100,000 a year.\u00a0<\/p>\n I also knew a live-in carer for someone like Mum<\/a>, with moderate dementia needs, wouldn\u2019t be any cheaper \u2014 even if we didn\u2019t also have the problem of her living in a one-bedroom flat with no space for a carer.\u00a0<\/p>\n Society warns you about the emotional trauma of dementia. We all know it can slowly dismantle a family as you watch someone you love fade away. When Mum was diagnosed, my fears were the obvious ones: would she ever meet her grandchildren? How would I cope if she stopped recognising me?\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t What I never really considered was the financial devastation dementia could bring. Naive perhaps \u2014 but, it turns out, very common. Whenever I tell friends how much her care costs, the reaction is always the same: shock.\u00a0<\/p>\n And the thing about dementia <\/a>is that it can be a slow burn. Families are not just facing \u00a3100,000 care bills once, but year after year, sometimes for the better part of a decade.\u00a0<\/p>\n It was only when I was forced to enter the world of dementia care<\/a> that I discovered how brutally means-tested old age can be.\u00a0<\/p>\n In England<\/a>, if you have more than \u00a323,250 in savings<\/a> or assets, you are expected to fund your own care. A lifetime of careful saving, paying off a mortgage<\/a>, putting money aside for retirement, children, grandchildren \u2014 suddenly becomes the reason you are excluded from help.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n There is some support available. People with dementia can often claim Attendance Allowance, a non-means-tested benefit designed to help with care needs. But compared to fees of \u00a38,000 or \u00a39,000 a month, it can feel like pouring a cup of water onto a house fire.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Families are also told about NHS Continuing Healthcare -funded care for people with significant medical needs. But dementia exists in a grey area between \u201chealth<\/a>\u201d and \u201csocial\u201d care. <\/p>\n \t\t To qualify, a person\u2019s needs must be deemed primarily a health issue rather than a social one \u2014 a distinction that can feel almost philosophical when someone can no longer dress, wash or recognise their own children. Many families spend months appealing decisions, only to be turned down.\u00a0<\/p>\n And then comes the question nobody wants to ask out loud: what happens when the money runs out? <\/p>\n After years of paying eye-watering fees, many discover there is no guarantee their relative will even be able to stay in the same care home once council funding is needed. Some homes accept local authority rates; others require families to pay expensive top-ups, and some residents are forced to move entirely.\u00a0<\/p>\n Just when someone with dementia most needs stability and familiarity, financial reality can snatch that away too.\u00a0<\/p>\n Navigating the cost of care for my 79-year-old mum has been complex, and there is something deeply uncomfortable about reducing a lifetime of achievements into savings accounts, assets and financial assessments to be handed over to near strangers. <\/p>\n \t\t Mum had spent years carefully building up savings for retirement, often talking about a future \u201cbolthole by the sea\u201d where she imagined she might finally slow down and enjoy life after decades of work and responsibility.<\/p>\n Instead, we funded her first year at the care home through those savings, before putting her flat on the market to buy ourselves around five more years. After that, it\u2019s unknown territory.<\/p>\n There is something profoundly sad about knowing the money she worked so hard to save will never be used in the way she intended. What was meant to represent freedom and independence in later life has instead become the price of safety and care. <\/p>\n Rationally, I know the money is still serving her, but emotionally it is difficult not to grieve the future she once imagined<\/a> for herself \u2014 and, if I\u2019m fully honest, a future I had imagined too: sandy sandwiches with Mum and my children on the beach, the ordinary kind of memories you quietly assume there will still be time to make.<\/p>\n \t\t\t\tCare home finance explained\t\t\t<\/p>\n According to\u00a0Lauren Pates, Senior Knowledge Officer for Welfare and Social Care at Alzheimer\u2019s Society, it\u2019s a good idea to explore all care options early. \u2018This helps build a clear understanding of what is available and the associated costs,\u2019 she explains.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2018Deciding whether a care home is the right option for a person with dementia can be difficult. Some people with dementia will be able to make the decision themselves but mostly the decision will need to be made for them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Alzheimer\u2019s Society has\u00a0advice and guidance<\/a>\u00a0that explores the main reasons a person may consider a care home, such as falls and incontinence, and ways those needs could potentially be met at home.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n For some people, those solutions may not work, or the benefits of them being at home may eventually be outweighed by the risk. It may help to talk to experts to understand what may be best for your loved one.\u2019\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Lauren\u00a0adds that a local authority can carry out a financial assessment to see if the person with dementia is eligible for support. If eligible, the local authority must offer at least one care home that meets the person\u2019s needs within its funding rate.\u00a0<\/p>\n If not eligible, the person will be classed as a self-funder, meaning they must cover all fees themselves.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u2018While this often provides greater choice of care homes, they can still claim disability benefits, such as Attendance Allowance, to offset a small portion of costs.\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n Self-funders should also\u00a0consider how long their finances will last. \u2018If their funds fall below the threshold and they later require local authority support, they may be asked to move to a more affordable home if their needs can be met elsewhere,\u2019 adds\u00a0Lauren.\u2019 As moves can be particularly disruptive for people with dementia, this should be avoided wherever possible\u2019<\/p>\n You can help Alzheimer\u2019s Society continue to provide expert advice and support. For support or to donate, call 0333 150 456 and visit alzheimers.org.uk<\/a><\/p>\n \t\t But worse than the financial strain is the emotional toll: sitting down and calculating how long we can afford for Mum to live.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n The guilt of catching myself worrying that she might live for another decade. Then the immediate shame that follows, and the reminder of how lucky I am to still have her at all.\u00a0<\/p>\n The cost of care has a way of dehumanising the elderly, reducing people to figures, thresholds and means-testing calculations instead of seeing the person they once were \u2014 and still are.\u00a0<\/p>\n Some days, Mum still laughs at the same things she always did. She still reaches for my hand when she is frightened. She still smiles when she sees her grandchildren. Those moments remind me that dementia may change a person, but it does not erase them.\u00a0<\/p>\n And perhaps that is what makes the financial side of care feel so brutal. Because while the system sees assets, thresholds and affordability, families still just see their mum.\u00a0<\/p>\n Today, Ella is taking on Metro\u2019s Lifeline Challenge walking over 50km in the Cotswolds<\/a> to help raise awareness and vital funds for Alzheimer\u2019s Society. If you would like to donate to Ella and our other Lifeline trekkers taking on over 1000km between them this weekend, please click here<\/a>. <\/p>\n Arrow Arrow Arrow![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Ella-and-mum-8e3b.jpeg\")
\n\t\tElla\u2019s mum, Diane was diagnosed with dementia in 2019 (Picture: Supplied)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Ella-mum-3-e4ff-e1781024236953.jpg\")
\n\t\t\u2018It was only when I was forced to enter the world of dementia care that I discovered how brutally means-tested old age can be,\u2019 says Ella (Picture: Supplied)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Ellas-mum-3-d1c2.png\")
\n\t\t\u2018There is something profoundly sad about knowing the money she worked so hard to save will never be used in the way she intended.\u2019 (Picture: Supplied)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/Ellas-mum-2-c8be.jpg\")
\n\t\t\u2018I had imagined a future which included sandy sandwiches with Mum and my children on the beach,\u2019 says Ella<\/p>\n
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