{"id":643503,"date":"2026-06-17T12:31:28","date_gmt":"2026-06-17T12:31:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/643503\/"},"modified":"2026-06-17T12:31:28","modified_gmt":"2026-06-17T12:31:28","slug":"the-adhd-lesson-one-parent-wishes-theyd-learned-sooner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/643503\/","title":{"rendered":"The ADHD Lesson One Parent Wishes They’d Learned Sooner"},"content":{"rendered":"

A parent has opened up about the \u201cbiggest thing\u201d they got wrong about their son\u2019s ADHD<\/a> \u2013 and the shift in mindset that\u2019s since helped make life that bit easier for their family. <\/p>\n

ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is a form of neurodivergence<\/a> characterised by a pattern of symptoms<\/a> such as inattention, hyperactivity or impulsivity. It\u2019s thought to impact around 700,000 children in the UK<\/a>.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s been a \u201csignificant rise\u201d in ADHD diagnoses<\/a> over the past two decades, which experts believe is largely down to greater awareness of the condition.<\/p>\n

And for many parents, it\u2019s been a real learning curve as they learn to support their child through a diagnosis and adapt their parenting styles to suit. <\/p>\n

Taking to Reddit\u2019s r\/ADHDparenting<\/a> forum, one parent said for a long time, they thought their son was \u201cmaking things harder than they needed to be\u201d. But a simple shift in perspective helped change the game.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d think: Why can\u2019t he just do the thing? Why can\u2019t he put his shoes on? Why can\u2019t he brush his teeth? Why can\u2019t he get ready without turning everything into a struggle?\u201d they recalled.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen someone explained ADHD<\/a> in a way that finally clicked for me. A lot of the time my son isn\u2019t refusing to do things. He\u2019s struggling to get started.\u201d<\/p>\n

The parent acknowledged this was \u201ca huge shift\u201d for them, because they would usually see the behaviour as defiance and would \u201cpush\u201d their child harder: talking more, repeating demands, getting frustrated faster \u2013 and \u201ceverything got worse\u201d.<\/p>\n

Why arguing or getting frustrated makes things worse<\/p>\n

Dr Chris Abbott, chief medical officer at Care ADHD<\/a>, previously told HuffPost UK there is some evidence that the reward-seeking tendencies of the ADHD brain mean that a strong emotional response \u2013 including conflict \u2013 can feel stimulating in the moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cADHD is linked to differences in dopamine regulation. High-intensity interactions, like arguments, can briefly increase arousal and dopamine, making the child feel more alert, engaged, or switched on,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn this regard, conflict can feel rewarding \u2013 irrespective of the circumstances in which it first arose.\u201d<\/p>\n

Arguments are emotionally charged. So, for a child who often feels under-stimulated, \u201cstrong emotions \u2013 even negative ones like frustration or anger \u2013 can feel energising and hard to disengage from,\u201d explained the ADHD expert.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

MariaDubova via Getty Images\/iStockphoto<\/p>\n

A shift in parenting perspective can help<\/p>\n

Sharing with other parents, the Redditor said they now try to look at their son\u2019s behaviour differently: \u201cNot: \u2018He won\u2019t do it.\u2019 But: \u2018What\u2019s getting in the way?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

This results in less pressure, less fighting and no longer feeling like they\u2019re both failing, they added.<\/p>\n

One commenter shared they understand the shift in thinking but struggle with what to do to actually help their child in the moment: \u201cI need everyone to get out the door on time because I need to get to work. I get that he can\u2019t get started on the task of getting dressed, so how do I help him with that? How do I start scaffolding that task so that he CAN do it eventually?\u201d<\/p>\n

We know that mornings are extra difficult for kids and teens with ADHD, for a plethora of reasons (which you can read more about here<\/a>). People with ADHD also commonly struggle<\/a> with executive dysfunction, which can make it very difficult to prioritise tasks, evaluate choices, and make decisions.<\/p>\n

OP (original poster) responded that \u201cthis was the hardest part\u201d for them, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat helped me was realising that \u2018get dressed\u2019 isn\u2019t one task for my son, it\u2019s like 10 little tasks. So instead of saying \u2018go get dressed\u2019, I started breaking it down… \u2018let\u2019s do socks first\u2019, then shirt, then pants. Also keeping the same morning routine every day helped a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n

They added that it\u2019s not a \u201cperfect\u201d solution, but when there\u2019s less pressure placed on their child, there\u2019s \u201cless resistance\u201d.<\/p>\n

Another parent agreed that breaking the tasks down into smaller steps has worked for them, too.<\/p>\n

Offering the example of brushing their child\u2019s teeth, they said they\u2019ll focus on: \u201cJust put the toothpaste on the toothbrush. If that\u2019s too hard, then just walk into the bathroom.<\/p>\n

\u201cBreaking it down into the smallest first step has helped TREMENDOUSLY because like you said, it\u2019s the struggle to get started.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A parent has opened up about the \u201cbiggest thing\u201d they got wrong about their son\u2019s ADHD \u2013 and…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":643504,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[736,7503,59,102,150187,2201,621,56,54,55],"class_list":["post-643503","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-adhd","tag-children","tag-gb","tag-health","tag-life-as-a-parent","tag-parenting","tag-reddit","tag-uk","tag-united-kingdom","tag-unitedkingdom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643503","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=643503"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643503\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/643504"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=643503"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=643503"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=643503"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}