{"id":648027,"date":"2026-06-20T00:01:16","date_gmt":"2026-06-20T00:01:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/648027\/"},"modified":"2026-06-20T00:01:16","modified_gmt":"2026-06-20T00:01:16","slug":"it-infuriates-me-what-grandparents-really-think-about-gentle-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/648027\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018It infuriates me\u2019: What grandparents really think about gentle parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cDon\u2019t you ever say no?\u201d an exasperated fellow grandmother asked her adult daughter recently. Rather than tell their children off, today\u2019s \u201cgentle\u201d parents<\/a> spend ages explaining why it\u2019s not a good idea to lob a toy car at their baby sister or climb on to the kitchen table. Grandparents<\/a>, by contrast, I find are much more likely to just say no.<\/p>\n

David, whose grandchildren are four and two, says: \u201cSometimes I just can\u2019t help reacting with \u2018Hey! Don\u2019t do that!\u2019 when the four-year-old is doing something that could end in disaster, like swinging on a chair near a glass cupboard, or grabbing something precious. If his parents are around they very carefully and deliberately explain to him. Sometimes there\u2019s a bit of tension.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s slightly irritating is that my son-in-law usually says something like, \u2018you know that grandpa worries about that\u2019, not \u2018you shouldn\u2019t be doing that\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tShorts\n\t\t<\/p>\n

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Up to 75 per cent of us in the UK are not drinking enough water.<\/p>\n

The human body can survive for a time without food, but it cannot survive for long without water.<\/p>\n

Here are the signs you need more fluids, according to a GP.<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\nHow much we should drink\n<\/p>\n

Water is the most vital component for life.<\/p>\n

6-8<\/p>\n

NHS guidelines advise we should be drinking six to eight glasses of fluid per day.<\/p>\n

This does vary depending on our activity levels, the weather, and if we are ill.<\/p>\n

80%<\/p>\n

An estimated 50-80 per cent of our bodies and brains being made up of water.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It allows us to deliver nutrients to cells in our blood, lubricates our joints, regulates our temperature and much more.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\nHow to stay hydrated\n<\/p>\n

What to drink<\/p>\n

Not all fluids are the same \u2013 water takes top spot, as it hydrates without sugars or calories, but lower-fat milks,\u00a0sugar-free drinks\u00a0or moderate amounts of tea and coffee can all count towards fluid intake.<\/p>\n

\"AsianCaption: Asian girl grocery shopping in supermarket. She is choosing fresh fruit juice along the beverage aisle, reading the nutrition label and checking ingredients on the bottle. Making a healthier food choice and balanced diet. Healthy eating lifestyle
Photographer: d3sign
Provider: Getty Images
Source: Moment RF<\/p>\n

\"CheerfulA reader bemoans that his children spend money on fancy coffees and holidays with friends, never having a penny left each month
(Photo: Getty\/Gorica Poturak)<\/p>\n

What to avoid<\/p>\n

Limit smoothies and fruit juices to 150ml per day because the sugar causes dental decay.<\/p>\n

\nSigns you\u2019re not drinking enough\n<\/p>\n

1. Our brains<\/p>\n

\"AThe pain from migraines is sometimes described as feeling like you\u2019ve had an axe blow to the head (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

When dehydrated, we can display an exaggerated response to pain and experience\u00a0headaches. Concentration, attention, reaction times and short-term memory can also all be negatively impacted.<\/p>\n

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LIFESTYLE<\/p>\n

6 min read<\/p>\n

\nSigns you\u2019re not drinking enough\n<\/p>\n

2. Our bodies<\/p>\n

Another common sign of dehydration is constipation. Our skin can look duller, be less bouncy to the touch and be less elastic.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"TiredTired Asian businesswoman working on a laptop computer in the office \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"Closeup(Photo: Ekaterina Demidova\/Getty).<\/p>\n

3. Our psychology<\/p>\n

Research has shown that even mild dehydration can lead us to feel more moody, stressed and irritable. We can also feel more tired than usual, with less energy and motivation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Quick and life-changing tricks for a calmer, tidier home<\/p>\n

\nEasy habits to declutter your home\n<\/p>\n

\"DeclutteringI need someone to tidy up my attitude towards tidying. Who does one hire for that?
(Photo: Getty Images\/iStockphoto)<\/p>\n

The habits audit<\/p>\n

Subconscious habits can cause clutter so take regular pauses to stop and notice what you are doing during the day.<\/p>\n

The re-entry reset<\/p>\n

Establish a routine you follow every time you come home so the entrance stays clear.<\/p>\n

\"TwoTwo young children wearing school uniforms exit their front door \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"ALate toilet training has become more common, putting pressure on teachers and taking up learning time (Getty)<\/p>\n

The exit mindset<\/p>\n

Each time you leave the house, take a minute to think: \u2018What can I take out with me?\u2019\u00a0To the tip? To the charity shop? To recycle? <\/p>\n

\nEasy habits to declutter your home\n<\/p>\n

The drop zone<\/p>\n

Doing a clear-out for charity doesn\u2019t need to be a big task. Have a donate box in a practical location to drop any unwanted items as you come across them.<\/p>\n

\"Man(Photo: Westend61\/Getty).<\/p>\n

\"Woman(Photo: Getty).<\/p>\n

Dedicated home<\/p>\n

Create a logical home for everything so it\u2019s easier to find and keeps everything in place.<\/p>\n

\nEasy habits to declutter your home\n<\/p>\n

The quick scan<\/p>\n

Each time you open a drawer\u00a0identify a few items you can bin, donate or return to their rightful home.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"WomanWoman carrying box while moving and cleaning up at home happily \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"YoungFollow these rules to declutter your own home (Photo: Nadzeya_Kizilava\/Getty\/E+)<\/p>\n

One in, one out rule<\/p>\n

To manage wardrobe clutter follow the rule that a new item can only go in if you give something else away.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The daily check-in<\/p>\n

Give yourself a few minutes at the start or end of the day to acknowledge the progress you\u2019ve made.<\/p>\n

\"WomanWoman Refreshing the Bed with Clean Bed Sheets in a Bright Room \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

It can be far easier to seek an internal promotion rather than a new job elsewhere<\/p>\n

\nThe statistics\n<\/p>\n

A trend of \u2018job hugging\u2019<\/p>\n

12%<\/p>\n

In January, available vacancies were down 12 per cent compared to a year prior.<\/p>\n

According to the ONS it marked 39 consecutive quarters of decline.<\/p>\n

51%<\/p>\n

of UK employees plan to stay in their current roles, as\u00a0Employment Hero\u2019s first Annual Jobs Report\u00a0shows. Four in 10 say competition is too high to take the risk.<\/p>\n

So how can you improve your current situation without leaving?<\/p>\n

Learn to humble brag<\/p>\n

Your wins don\u2019t always speak for themselves. Share them. Jump into conversations beyond your usual remit. How people see you today shapes the opportunities that come your way tomorrow. Even small updates can have an outsized impact.<\/p>\n

VICTORIA MCLEAN, CEO OF CITY CV AND AN EXPERT IN CV AND PROFILE WRITING<\/p>\n

\"DriveDrive Talent Investments with Strategic Workforce Planning. A female job-seeker answering questions during a job interview with a human resource manager in a business office. \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\nMake your case \u2013 with data\n<\/p>\n

\"ACaption: Mid adult man with eyeglasses sitting on a comfortable sofa at home, thoughtfully writing notes in a small notebook while natural sunlight illuminates the room
Photographer: Milan Markovic
Provider: Getty Images
Source: E+<\/p>\n

Keep a log<\/p>\n

The chances of your boss remembering what you achieved in Q1 by December is low so keep a success log. <\/p>\n

Treat it as a proposal<\/p>\n

Show impact, link it to organisational goals,
and outline future
value, says McLean.<\/p>\n

\"MaleMale candidate handshake with the recruiter at job interview \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"Remember(Photo: Shutterstock).<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be shy<\/p>\n

Ask your boss directly what you need to do to\u00a0be promoted\u00a0in the next six to 12 months.<\/p>\n

\nOffer solutions to problems\n<\/p>\n

Ask yourself: what\u00a0keeps your organisation awake
at night?<\/p>\n

Solve those problems and you shift from just doing your job to being a strategic asset.<\/p>\n

Sharing your ideas and views with the people above you can really prove what you\u2019re capable of.<\/p>\n

Proactively\u00a0initiate new projects
or processes.<\/p>\n

\u00a0It \u2018s daunting but getting people to see you in a more elevated position before you get there is really effective.<\/p>\n

\"WorriedCaption: Worried businessman biting his nail while waiting for a job interview with other candidates in a hallway of an office building.
Photographer: skynesher
Provider: Getty Images
Source: E+<\/p>\n

Ask for training<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a fantastic signal to show how serious you are about your development.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As careers are no longer linear, a promotion may not be in your current role, but perhaps in the same company in a broader role. <\/p>\n

Do some digging to find out what else might be available in\u00a0other areas.<\/p>\n

How to resolve the biggest rows that can end marriages<\/p>\n

Private school, sex and housework\u00a0can be some of the biggest causes of tension between warring couples. <\/p>\n

Mike Talbot, a psychologist, and chief executive of UK Mediation [below], reveals how to fix them.<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\nWhat couples row over\n<\/p>\n

Parenting and schooling<\/p>\n

\"YoungYoung couple having an argument. Woman is angry with man. \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

Psychologist Mike Talbot says parenting can expose ideological differences in a couple. He encourages people to listen to each other, and find a \u201cthird way\u201d, something that they come up with between themselves, rather than sticking to one person\u2019s opinion.<\/p>\n

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OPINION<\/p>\n

3 min read<\/p>\n

Money (or a lifestyle)<\/p>\n

\"ACaption: A mature couple sitting in bed and looking at each other angrily after a disagreement
Photographer: kupicoo
Provider: Getty Images
Source: iStockphoto<\/p>\n

It\u2019s common for couples to disagree on their property or finances.<\/p>\n

Couples might have different ideas about what the best plan of action is for the future.<\/p>\n

Dr Talbot says its important to find \u201ccommon ground\u201d on what both parties wish for, or worry about.<\/p>\n

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Agony Uncle<\/p>\n

5 min read<\/p>\n

\nIncompatibilities around sex\n<\/p>\n

Dr Talbot has seen this when one person loses their sex drive. \u201cIt can happen when the couples get older, and she\u00a0loses her sex drive during menopause, whereas the guy\u2019s still as randy as he was when he was 20.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"YoungCaption: Young couple having relationship difficulties at home. Both about 25 years old, Caucasian people.
Photographer: GoodLifeStudio
Provider: Getty Images
Source: E+
Copyright: DAMIR MIHAJLOVIC<\/p>\n

\"MillennialCaption: Millennial black lady vacuuming floor while her husband watching TV, not helping her with household duties, cropped view. Unrecognizable young couple having problem with domestic chores
Photographer: Prostock-Studio
Provider: Getty Images\/iStockphoto
Source: iStockphoto<\/p>\n

Domestic workload<\/p>\n

We get people disagreeing about how tidy the house should be, how neatly dressed the kids should be\u2026\u00a0<\/p>\n

This goes back to the gender stereotypes.<\/p>\n

The solution is to focus on value and to get the couple to think about the conflict in a different way.<\/p>\n

Being a grandparent
is complicated<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Celia Dodd, who looks after her grandchildren two days a week, says
there\u2019s a fine line between being supportive and interfering. <\/p>\n

Here she shares the things she\u2019d never say or do with her own family.<\/p>\n

\nWhat grandparents should never do\n<\/p>\n

Ignore parents rules<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to know what\u2019s expected rather than second-guessing what the parents want, and possibly getting it wrong.<\/p>\n

\"Rear(Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"ParentsCaption: Parents and young child moving into a new house, unpacking belongings from cardboard boxes
Photographer: Vladimir Vladimirov
Provider: Getty Images
Source: E+<\/p>\n

Send endless snaps<\/p>\n

Friends understandably get irritated if you keep sending photos and long videos, especially if they\u2019re longing for grandchildren of their own.<\/p>\n

\"BurnoutI\u2019ve made it very clear to my own daughter that if she needs full time childcare, she\u2019s going to have to sort that out herself (Photo: PeopleImages\/ Getty)<\/p>\n

What not to say<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t do it like that\u2026<\/p>\n

The golden rule for grandparents \u2013 don\u2019t offer advice unless it\u2019s asked for, and never interfere \u2013 is almost impossible to get right.<\/p>\n

You might feel like \u2013 how can you\u00a0not interfere when you\u2019re doing your best to support the family? It\u2019s a fine line, and there are times when you\u2019re bound to get it wrong.<\/p>\n

\nWhat grandparents should never do\n<\/p>\n

\"Grandchild,Grandchild, twilight parenting, grandparents, grandmother, baby, exhausted, tired \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

Assume involvement<\/p>\n

Although it\u2019s a shock, it\u2019s simply not on to drop in whenever you feel like it.<\/p>\n

Beat yourself up<\/p>\n

Being a grandparent is never 100\u00a0per cent bliss, despite what people say. Childcare can be boring as well as fulfilling.<\/p>\n

\"\"(Photo: Paul Bradbury\/Getty).<\/p>\n

\"TiredNaps before 1pm can lead to better cognitive performance in the following hours (Photo: Lord Henri Voton\/Getty Images)<\/p>\n

Admit tiredness<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want them to stop asking me to babysit, and I certainly don\u2019t want them suggesting I\u2019m doing too much.<\/p>\n

\nWhat grandparents should never do\n<\/p>\n

Forget the years fly<\/p>\n

Grandparents have to keep finding new ways to keep the connection close, by tapping into what your grandchild loves doing.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"ConflictConflict of family two generations old mother and adult daughter \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"GrandparentsGrandparents and their young grandchildren relaxing at home \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

Dismiss the parents<\/p>\n

Even if you don\u2019t agree with the way things are done \u2013 like using gentle parenting \u2013
it\u2019s a big help to understand why they are doing it rather than just dismiss them. <\/p>\n

The price, size and variety of eggs differ<\/p>\n

But which is the best value
for money and taste?<\/p>\n

Food Editor Sophie Morris
tested 15 supermarket packs, scrambled and fried.<\/p>\n

Her findings? The most expensive wasn\u2019t the best.<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\nSupermarket eggs taste test\n<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

M&S Golden Yolk Eggs<\/p>\n

These shells win the beauty contest and the yolk colour is amazing when scrambled. 4\/5<\/p>\n

Taste the Difference<\/p>\n

These Sainsbury\u2019s eggs taste as good as they look with gorgeous orange middles and a rich flavour. 4\/5<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

St Ewe Rich Yolk Eggs<\/p>\n

These are \u201chigher welfare\u201d free-range eggs but the yolks taste no better than other high-end eggs, says Morris. 4\/5<\/p>\n

\nSupermarket eggs taste test\n<\/p>\n

Aldi Golden Yolk Eggs<\/p>\n

Winner! The Specially Selected eggs are a great price with a delicious yolk. 4\/5 <\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Savers Small Eggs<\/p>\n

Morrisons Savers eggs are great for the price (\u00a31.10) but not rich in flavour. 3\/5<\/p>\n

Burford Brown Eggs<\/p>\n

They taste great, but not noticeably better than the other high-end eggs. The spend is more to do with\u00a0branding. 4\/5<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\nSupermarket eggs taste test\n<\/p>\n

7Tesco Finest Bluebell Aruacana
The pale blue shells won me over but the insides are just as rewarding with a rich flavour.
4\/5<\/p>\n

8Waitrose Duchy Organic Eggs
Their sunny yellow middle scrambles beautifully into light, fluffy folds.
4\/5<\/p>\n

9Lidl Deluxe Golden Yolk Eggs
They\u2019re a great deal and the yolk is a lovely bright orange and the taste is\u00a0rich and eggy.
3.5\/5\u00a0<\/p>\n

\nSupermarket eggs taste test\n<\/p>\n

M&S British Free Range Eggs<\/p>\n

Large eggs with brown shells and a light orange yolk and they\u2019re a great price for high-welfare large eggs. 4\/5<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Ocado Large Free Range Eggs<\/p>\n

These are the best value large eggs that I try. The yolks are a dark yellow and the eggs turn out a lovely rich and fluffy scramble. 4\/5<\/p>\n

\nSupermarket eggs taste test\n<\/p>\n

Packington British Free Range Eggs<\/p>\n

Pretty white eggs with a yellow yolk that taste fine but, given the price, I expected a little more. 3.5\/5<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

\nSupermarket eggs taste test\n<\/p>\n

Waitrose No.1 Longstock Gold Eggs<\/p>\n

They are delicious: meltingly rich, they scramble into fat folds. They have beautiful green shells, almost too pretty to eat. 4\/5<\/p>\n

\"EggsCaption: Eggs are seen in a carton on Monday, April 13, 2026, in Portland, Ore. (AP Photo\/Jenny Kane)
Photographer: Jenny Kane
Provider: AP
Source: AP<\/p>\n

\"ACaption: A detail of cracked egg falling into the pan as woman holds egg shells in both hands.
Photographer: SimpleImages
Provider: Getty Images
Source: Moment RF<\/p>\n

Asda Organic Mixed Size Eggs<\/p>\n

The yolk is a pale yellow and when scrambled the result is an unappealing yellowish grey colour. These are the most bland-tasting of the lot. 2\/5<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Food inflation could reach as much as 10 per cent by the end of 2026<\/p>\n

Why you should stockpile<\/p>\n

The\u00a0modern food system is incredibly efficient \u2013 but that efficiency depends on a constant flow and just-in-time delivery. Stockpiling, at its best, isn\u2019t panic buying. It\u2019s creating a small buffer between us and a system that was never designed to pause.<\/p>\n

S\u00e9amus Higgins, author of\u00a0Food and Us: The incredible story of how food shapes humanity<\/p>\n

\"ShoppingSupermarkets will find ways of holding down the price of the basics, and try to make their money on the fancy lines (Photo: Roy James Shakespeare\/Getty)<\/p>\n

\nWhat you should consider buying\n<\/p>\n

\"SmilingTap water is generally safe to drink in Europe (Photo: Klaus Vedfelt\/Getty)<\/p>\n

Bottled water <\/p>\n

While we are accustomed to free-flowing water, in recent years, supply has failed for a number of days in many areas of the UK.<\/p>\n

Canned essentials<\/p>\n

Morris keeps tomatoes, beans, pulses, chickpeas, lentils and fish in her cupboard.<\/p>\n

\"ChickpeasChickpeas are a great source of protein (Photo: Christian Mouysset)<\/p>\n

\"YoungMany of us like to add milk to our tea, so you may be wondering whether that affects its benefits (Photo: Maca and Naca\/Getty)<\/p>\n

Tea and coffee<\/p>\n

As prices vary, and are increasing, it\u2019s good to bulk buy if you can. <\/p>\n

\nWhat you should stockpile\n<\/p>\n

Dried goods<\/p>\n

A base of dry goods, like rice, pasta, oats and flour, are the backbone of a reliable pantry. Make sure bags are stored correctly and replace them when they go out of date.<\/p>\n

\"AsianCaption: Asian girl grocery shopping in supermarket. She is choosing fresh fruit juice along the beverage aisle, reading the nutrition label and checking ingredients on the bottle. Making a healthier food choice and balanced diet. Healthy eating lifestyle
Photographer: d3sign
Provider: Getty Images
Source: Moment RF<\/p>\n

\"CloseCaption: Close up of a woman preparing a wholesome breakfast by pouring oats into a bowl from a plastic free jar with fresh berries.
Photographer: Dougal Waters
Provider: Getty Images
Source: Digital Vision
Copyright: Dougal Waters Photography Ltd<\/p>\n

UHT drinks<\/p>\n

UHT dairy, squash and long life milks and juices are worth keeping for emergencies.<\/p>\n

\nWhat you should stockpile\n<\/p>\n

A well-stocked freezer is also important, but it doesn\u2019t need to be a huge space. <\/p>\n

Focus on versatility and rotation in fruit, veg, fish and bread, and buy what you\u2019ll use.<\/p>\n

\"Close-upCaption: Close-up of peanut butter on toasted bread on light gray plate. Food background.
Photographer: Yuliia Zaitseva
Provider: Getty Images\/iStockphoto
Source: iStockphoto<\/p>\n

Peanut butter, or a jarred treat like jam or Nutella, is also a good idea. <\/p>\n

Nut butters are a great source of protein, fibre, has a long shelf life and can be used on savoury and sweet foods.<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Want to slow down brain ageing? Try a hobby<\/p>\n

\nThe hobbies that slow brain ageing\n<\/p>\n

Practise a musical instrument<\/p>\n

A study of 108 amateur musicians in the journal\u00a0Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences\u00a0found those with more musical experience had better attention control.<\/p>\n

\"CaucasianCaucasian mid adult patient writing a diary while recovering in the hospital ward \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"IVANO-FRANKIVSK,Caption: IVANO-FRANKIVSK, UKRAINE \u2013 NOVEMBER 13, 2022 \u2013 Musicians of the NAONI Orchestra (National Academic Orchestra of Folk Instruments of Ukraine) hold a concert at the Ivan Franko Academic Regional Ukrainian Music and Drama Theatre in Ivano-Frankivsk, western Ukraine. (Photo credit should read Yurii Rylchuk \/ Ukrinform\/Future Publishing via Getty Images)
Photographer: Future Publishing
Provider: Future Publishing via Getty Imag
Source: Future Publishing<\/p>\n

Journal in the evening before bed<\/p>\n

Reflecting on your day supports your memory as you\u2019re rehearsing the things you\u2019ve done, especially if you do it with pen and paper, says Prof Catherine Loveday, author of\u00a0The Secret World of the Brain. <\/p>\n

\nThe hobbies that slow brain ageing\n<\/p>\n

\"CawdorThe flowering gardens at Cawdor Castle (Photo: Dennis Barnes\/Getty\/Stockbyte Unreleased)<\/p>\n

Garden for 20 minutes<\/p>\n

Connecting with nature replenishes cognitive resources and boosts vitamin D levels, says Loveday. <\/p>\n

Join a knitting group<\/p>\n

Knitting improves coordination and working memory \u2013 your brain\u2019s ability to store and use information according to the British Journal of Occupational Therapy.<\/p>\n

\"SeniorSenior female friends spending leisure time knitting while sitting at table in retirement home \u2013 stock photo. (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

\"IncreasingAs society sees the largest ever intergenerational shift of assets, younger clients will need people they can relate to, instead of relying on AI and social media for financial advice (Photo: Getty)<\/p>\n

Learn a language<\/p>\n

Learning a second language helps improve our ability to retrieve words.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The hobbies that slow
brain ageing<\/p>\n

Games, like Minecraft, helps improve spatial representation, speed and reaction times.<\/p>\n

Reading fiction twice a week stimulates the language parts
of the brain, says Loveday.<\/p>\n

One study also found that chess players had better cognitive reflection and greater focus. <\/p>\n

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LIFESTYLE<\/p>\n

5 min read<\/p>\n

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Grandparents have seen so many parenting<\/a> trends come and go, from Penelope Leach to Tiger Mothers, that it\u2019s hardly surprising they raise an eyebrow at gentle parenting<\/a>. Monica, 58, whose grandsons are seven and nearly two, says: \u201cThe current parenting zeitgeist has gone back to something I saw in the 1980s, that the most important thing is that children can express themselves wherever they are.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt worries me that they might turn into monster children<\/a> who don\u2019t get invited to things, although my daughter and her wife now recognise that the children need to learn how to behave in different settings. The problem is that child-centredness is often confused with child-inclusiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n

Most grandparents were brought up to mind their manners and never answer back. In their day, being called \u201cspoilt\u201d was the most shaming insult, so no wonder they worry that child-centredness could create a generation of kids who think their feelings are the only feelings that matter.<\/p>\n

Their concerns are echoed by some teachers. David, who looks after his grandchildren<\/a> one day a week, says: \u201cI respect my daughter\u2019s approach, even if I don\u2019t always agree with it. But I worry that gentle parenting won\u2019t do the children any favours when it comes to adapting to the world when they get older and go to school. They won\u2019t be able to question what the teacher does or be an equal partner with the adults they come across.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think parents not wanting conflict with their children is key. They think they\u2019re being kind but actually they\u2019re giving kids a false impression, which is that they are equal partners. They\u2019re not. Ultimately, what the parent says has to be what goes. So while the old way of bringing up children \u2013 to obey grown-ups without question \u2013 is clearly wrong, going too far in the other direction is wrong too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Grandparents roll their eyes at grandchildren who run riot in cafes and climb all over the furniture, graze constantly rather than eating at the table, are encouraged to express their feelings freely, choose their own clothes and can\u2019t go to sleep without an adult by their side. <\/p>\n

They worry about children who refuse to hold hands crossing the road, and get frustrated by the interminable explaining that keeps everyone else waiting. And then there are the endless choices: Do you want your toast cut into triangles or squares? Do you want to go home now? <\/p>\n

Andrea, 65, has three grandchildren under five. She says: \u201cThe three-year-old is allowed to eat whatever and whenever he wants. But what\u2019s really bad is that he wastes food \u2013 he insists on having his plate piled high, otherwise he yells and puts his head on the table. But then he doesn\u2019t eat the food.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat happens a lot and it infuriates me. I haven\u2019t said anything, although I worry that if they don\u2019t curb it soon it could be a problem when he\u2019s older. The other thing I don\u2019t like is that the children can\u2019t go to sleep without somebody with them. I think it\u2019s ridiculous but I have to go along with it, so I end up lying on a mattress beside them, and when I try to creep out, they wake up!\u201d<\/p>\n

If children aren\u2019t used to being told off by their parents, it comes as a nasty shock when a grandparent says no or loses their temper<\/a>. I\u2019m haunted by the time I shouted at my three-year-old grandson for touching something I\u2019d told him not to. He wept inconsolably while I felt horribly guilty, and it took a good hour for us to recover.<\/p>\n

Andrea had a similar experience with her five-year-old granddaughter: \u201cWe often take the two older grandchildren to a local cafe and we all love it. Last time while we were paying the bill they both went a bit wild \u2013 shouting, rushing about and disturbing the other people. The five-year-old was just having fun and winding her brother up, but when I told her to stop she thought it was funny. I thought that was terribly rude, and I said I wouldn\u2019t take her there again unless she behaved. She said, \u2018I\u2019m not going to talk to you until you lower your voice\u2019, which I suppose is something her parents say to her. That made me absolutely furious. I said, \u2018Don\u2019t speak to me like that,\u2019 and marched them out of the place.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think my granddaughter and I were both terrified at what had happened. I was so upset and really worried about how we were going to get over it, but later on she said, \u2018I love you grandma\u2019. When I told my daughter about it she looked very uncomfortable and told the children that they have to respect our rules when they\u2019re with us. I don\u2019t want to interfere with their parenting but I was very relieved that she said that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Differences in parenting ideas are a common source of tension and even conflict between the generations, particularly now that so many grandparents do childcare<\/a>. It\u2019s clearly important for the grandchild that the adults are on the same page, but talking about parenting can make both grandparent and parent feel criticised and defensive.<\/p>\n

Instead of telling the parents about how they feel grandparents are more likely to grumble to each other. David says: \u201cAs a grandparent, I think it\u2019s good to be yourself and do what comes naturally, in fact it\u2019s essential. But it\u2019s also not good to get into fights with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law. So sometimes it\u2019s easier to keep quiet if I disagree with something the parents are doing. That\u2019s fine because basically we both want the same things, we just have different views on the ways to make it happen. I certainly don\u2019t think I\u2019m right and they\u2019re wrong. In fact I\u2019m very aware of my own shortcomings, both as a parent and a grandparent.\u201d<\/p>\n

Parents, meanwhile, agonise about telling grandparents not to do something, and that\u2019s especially awkward if it\u2019s their mother- or father-in-law. Andrea says: \u201cIf I ever tell my granddaughter not to do something, my son-in-law doesn\u2019t say anything, but I have noticed that he takes her away from me. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s for my sake or hers! The other day the three-year-old hit his sister when I was in charge. I said, \u2018Say you\u2019re sorry\u2019, but my daughter, who was working in the next room, intervened.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe told me: \u2018We don\u2019t make them say sorry straight away, we get them to think about it and process why they should say sorry.\u2019 I think that\u2019s a bit too sophisticated for children that age. In principle, I think gentle parenting is good because it\u2019s about treating children with respect. But I\u2019m not sure the children understand all the explanations. I also think there\u2019s a danger of getting too slick about feelings. I think children learn to talk about their feelings in a way their parents want to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n

The best advice I\u2019ve heard on dealing with a clash of parenting ideas comes from Professor Geoffrey Greif, who studies family relationships at the University of Maryland. \u201cGrandparents shouldn\u2019t automatically assume their own views on child-rearing are right,\u201d he says. \u201cInstead they need to be open and curious about how the next generation is thinking about parenting.\u201d <\/p>\n

Some grandparents find that the best way to take the heat out of conversations is to make it less personal. Checking out the parenting gurus the parents follow is a good start. Rosa came to this solution after a couple of disagreements when she was looking after her granddaughters, who are six and four. She now asks her daughter to send her parenting podcasts if she\u2019s heard a good one. \u201cI\u2019m really interested, because it helps me understand how she\u2019s parenting. And it allows us to have a neutral conversation, and that can be really helpful, because neither of us feels criticised. Some podcasts talk about stuff that I really wish I\u2019d known when I was bringing up my own children, but I think others create unrealistic expectations.\u201d<\/p>\n

Celia Dodd is the author of \u2018Grand Expectations: The Joys and Dilemmas of Being a Grandparent\u2018<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cDon\u2019t you ever say no?\u201d an exasperated fellow grandmother asked her adult daughter recently. Rather than tell their…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":648028,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[4179,7503,242,59,33701,102,2201,9052,56,54,55],"class_list":["post-648027","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-childcare","tag-children","tag-features","tag-gb","tag-grandparents","tag-health","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-uk","tag-united-kingdom","tag-unitedkingdom"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648027","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=648027"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648027\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/648028"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=648027"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=648027"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=648027"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}