We need to talk about Nigel. Again. Not so much about the \u00a35m gift from a Thailand-based crypto billionaire, or the freebies he accepted from a convicted fraudster who called him Daddy. Nor the fact that he never thought to declare his good fortune on parliament\u2019s register of members\u2019 interests.<\/p>\n
There again, he was only a professional politician and the principal shareholder in Reform UK at the time. And why would anyone feel the need to account for a gift<\/a> from someone who identified as his son<\/a>? After all, it\u2019s not as if Nige also tried to lobby the Bank of England to change its rules on crypto. Oh, scrub that. He did.<\/a><\/p>\n Never mind. We can forget all about that for now. We don\u2019t even need to concern ourselves with the own-goal distraction of the Clacton byelection. What we really need to consider is why Nige has been so repeatedly unlucky in his choice of colleagues.<\/p>\n To put it another way, why do so many Reform MPs find themselves in trouble either with the law, the financial authorities or the parliamentary rules? Is it just that Nige encourages them to channel their inner wrong \u2019un. To be the person they\u2019ve always wanted to be. The thrill of sailing close to the wind.<\/p>\n Or could it be that Nige is just the Messiah. We know he\u2019s no Old Testament prophet because he doesn\u2019t believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Otherwise he wouldn\u2019t have complained about Sky News identifying one of his properties, having himself named hotels accommodating asylum seekers to his followers. Just for their information, naturally. The last thing he would want is for his supporters to protest outside.<\/p>\n Rather, Nige is the New Testament real deal. A man of compassion and tolerance. Someone sent down to Earth to fight for the poor and the oppressed. To round up the sinners who have erred and strayed from God\u2019s ways like lost sheep.<\/p>\n Take Thursday\u2019s Daily Mail, in which he said he was only practising \u201cChristian forgiveness\u201d in taking handouts from George Cottrell. He had looked deep into Posh George\u2019s soul and seen someone who truly repented of offering to launder money for drug dealers. The fact that Posh was a multimillionaire prepared to bankroll Nige\u2019s lifestyle never crossed his mind.<\/p>\n But let\u2019s not dwell on any of this. Because Nige has always been good and true. Rather, let\u2019s look at some of his colleagues. Starting with Richard Tice<\/a>. Alas, poor Dicky! I knew him, Horatio.<\/p>\n Dicky is a man utterly without qualities, though we shouldn\u2019t condemn him for that. It\u2019s not his fault he\u2019s really not very bright. A man who, if he hadn\u2019t been born into money, would never have acquired it. Someone who had dedicated his early life to turning a large fortune into a small one. If there was any fairness in life, Dicky could have made it big as a night-time presenter on the shopping channel.<\/p>\n Instead, he chose to whittle away his inheritance on supporting Nige. So much so, he has become his disciple-in-chief. Prepared to say anything, no matter how ridiculous. Largely because he lacks the awareness to sense the ridicule in which he is held. But somewhere along the way he chose the road less travelled. The road of mixed blessings.<\/p>\n First there was the matter of tax. Dicky has always been very keen on other people paying their taxes. Less so when it comes to himself, after it was revealed he had used a complicated tax loophole to avoid paying \u00a390,000. For Dicky, the letter of the law is paramount, not the spirit.<\/p>\n And now it seems that Dicky has been investigated by the National Crime Agency after \u201csuspicious activity reports\u201d were flagged over payments from Gorgeous George and his mother<\/a> to his company.<\/p>\n Needless to say, Dicky is astonished. Horrified. Mostly that his business affairs were made public. How dare the Guardian demand financial transparency from our elected MPs. But he is also bewildered how Gorgeous could be involved after receiving Christian forgiveness from Nige. Dicky is yet another one left wondering why these things keep happening to him. Is it him or is it Nige?<\/p>\n That\u2019s not a question we have to ask with Robert Jenrick. Honest Bob was outed as a wrong \u2019un long before he joined Planet Nige. So maybe he just feels Reform is his spiritual home. His safe place. Where all is forgiven. Who can forget his unlawful decision as the then Tory housing secretary to overturn the refused planning permission<\/a> that allowed the pornographer turned Tory donor Richard \u201cDirty\u201d Desmond to save \u00a345m? Though Honest Bob would rather you did.<\/p>\n