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The Narrows of Loch Lomond. Photo: Robbie Armstrong\/The Bell<\/p>\nImagine for a moment you are a marsupial. Not just any marsupial. A rednecked wallaby, nestled happily on an island on Loch Lomond. You and your family have been here since the 1940s. You\u2019re all a bit out of your comfort zone, sure, but the place has grown on you over the years.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Needs must. Your ancestors were brought here \u2014 not from Australia, before you ask, but Hemel Hempstead \u2014 by an eccentric lady whose family once ruled the land as far as \u2014 well, honestly who knows because you\u2019ve never left the island. That\u2019s fine by you, there\u2019s plenty of delicious stuff to snack on here.<\/p>\n
The lady is long gone; apparently she made an awful racket, gleefully racing her powerboats around the loch. The less said about her brood of ankle-nipping badgers, the better.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Today, the badgers have been replaced by fallow deer, thank the lord. There\u2019s way more of them than you; your numbers have dwindled from 60 to about 10 over the years. Right now, two new mammals have entered the frame. They\u2019re those bastarding bipedal ones, like the lady with the powerboats. Only these two have neither her grace nor fancy boats. They arrived on the island at dusk and since then, they\u2019ve been creeping around the place like imbeciles. One is currently harassing you with a flashing light. Humans, eh?<\/p>\n
The Narrows of Loch Lomond. Photo: Robbie Armstrong\/The Bell<\/p>\n
They\u2019re asking questions about your future on the island as you try to chew your grass in peace. No one tells you anything, anyway; six years ago, you learned your little haven had been sold off to a new owner. That\u2019s when the culling chat began.\u00a0<\/p>\n
You couldn\u2019t believe it; casual suggestions about exterminating your entire family. \u2018Non-native\u2019 they called you. \u2018Invasive\u2019. Just because you enjoy nibbling on a rare shrub or three. Can you imagine? You hardly welcomed the relocation proposals either. Now more rumours swirl: the island is up for sale again. For the time being though, you just wish these two humans would fuck off and leave you be. Can\u2019t a wallaby catch a break?\u00a0<\/p>\n
Luss lips, sunk ships <\/p>\n
The changing ownership of Wallaby Island \u2014 or \u2018Inchconnachan\u2019, its official name \u2014 is a neat encapsulation of the rise of a new elite class. Since the late 1300s, this little island, one of 22 to populate Loch Lomond along with 27 smaller islets, was owned by the Colquhouns of Luss, who own 45,000 acres around the west bank of Loch Lomond. The family have strong ties to this spot; \u2018Inchconnachan\u2019 is from the Gaelic for \u2018the Colquhouns\u2019 island\u2019.<\/p>\n
It was Fiona Bryde Gore (n\u00e9e Colquhoun), Countess of Arran and Lady Colquhoun who introduced the wallaby population to Inchconnachan. The countess \u2014 who died in 2013, aged 94 \u2014 was a particular type of old-school aristocrat: a thrill-seeker, being the first woman to travel on water at over 100mph. She also loved nature; the badgers who lived alongside the wallabies on Inconnachan were allowed<\/a> to roam free. Visiting family had to wear wellies to avoid getting bitten. Elsewhere, she also kept llamas and alpacas, as one does.\u00a0<\/p>\n But by the time Gore died, a new class of wealthy elites had ascended: \u201cmerchants, manufacturers and financiers\u201d, as George Orwell once put it. The old land-owning aristocracy was cash poor and asset rich. The flush nouveau riche were more than happy to help rectify this situation by taking land off their hands for large sums; the Colquhouns\u2019 Luss Estates has sold off half its land since it was created in 1961.\u00a0<\/p>\n More than 50% of rural land in Scotland is owned privately, much of it still attached to hereditary estates. But the country\u2019s biggest landowners<\/a> now include multinational asset management groups like Gresham House, as well as two separate Danish tycoons: Lego heiress Sofie Kirk Kristiansen and retail billionaire Anders Povlsen. The latter owns the equivalent of 1% of Scotland\u2019s landmass, more than King Charles. In the Loch Lomond and Trossachs National Park, 56% of the land is in private ownership.<\/p>\n So when the Colquhouns put their 100 acre uninhabited namesake island on the market for \u00a3500,000 in 2020, it was no surprise that the buyer was another billionaire entrepreneur. Enter Nick Jones, founder of glossy members club, Soho House. Jones\u2019 Scottish connection comes via his wife, the broadcaster Kirsty Young, who hails from East Kilbride. The pair snapped up the island for \u00a31.55 million<\/a>, triple its asking price. Some people bought an air fryer in the throes of the pandemic, but kitchen appliances mustn\u2019t quite cut it when you\u2019re a billionaire. Besides, the couple had a plan for Inchconnachan \u2014 one that didn\u2019t involve any wallabies.\u00a0<\/p>\n This post is for subscribers only![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/P1010681.JPG\")
Scots pine and sessile oak on Wallaby Island. Photo: Calum Grewar\/The Bell<\/p>\n
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