Public transport can be a hot, noisy, cramped and stressful environment \u2013 and that\u2019s before you add in people with pungent food, questionable hygiene and giant backpacks. Most of us know the general rules \u2013 though we don\u2019t all follow them \u2013 about letting people off first, not putting bags on seats, where to stand on escalators and offering your seat to others. But what about the vaguer conventions? How can you avoid chatty passengers? Or manspreaders? Is it sometimes OK to put your feet on the seats? (Spoiler: it\u2019s not.) Here, three etiquette experts show us the way to public transport propriety.<\/p>\n
How to use a seat<\/p>\n
Who should I offer my seat to?
In principle, the answer is simple: anyone who needs it more than you do. \u201cThe reality is harder,\u201d says Rupert Wesson, director of etiquette advisers Debrett\u2019s, when trying to ascertain who that might be. If it\u2019s a harassed parent with a baby or toddler, that\u2019s obvious. But is that woman over there actually pregnant? Might that older person be appalled to be considered too frail to stand? \u201cNobody should be offended by being offered a seat \u2013 it\u2019s a nice thing to do \u2013 but nevertheless you need to exercise a little caution,\u201d says Wesson. Weigh it up, and offer discreetly. \u201cDon\u2019t make a big show about it \u2013 just try to catch somebody\u2019s eye. You can do it without speaking.\u201d<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re not sure, should you stand up, as if you\u2019re pretending to get off, and hope the person takes your seat? \u201cThe danger is that somebody who doesn\u2019t need it jumps in, so I try to be a bit more targeted,\u201d says Wesson. \u201cI\u2019ll stand up, but not move out of the way straight away, just so that I know the person who might need it has caught my eye or my movement.\u201d The idea of offering women a seat, mainly because of the assumption they are too delicate to stand, is \u201can old-fashioned concept. I know some people who will always do it, but the world has moved on from doing that by default.\u201d<\/p>\n
The most important step in ascertaining whether someone might need a seat, though, is getting off your phone and looking around at your fellow humans. \u201cChecking in as people are getting on board is the critical thing,\u201d says Wesson.<\/p>\n
Can I put my feet on the seat?
Absolutely not, says Laura Akano, etiquette coach and founder of Polished Manners. \u201cIt\u2019s a public space you\u2019re sharing with other people, and you really should treat it with respect. You think that\u2019s OK \u2013 to put [your shoes] on a seat that somebody else is going to sit on?\u201d What if you think your shoes are clean enough? \u201cThey won\u2019t be because you\u2019ve been walking around,\u201d says Akano, adding that it\u2019s just as bad when people take their shoes off and put stockinged or bare feet on seats. \u201cIt\u2019s not an extension of your sitting room. It\u2019s just inappropriate behaviour in a public place.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I always take the aisle seat?
Yes, but be alert and prepared to move to allow someone else to get to the window seat. \u201cIt\u2019s an awful lot easier for you to jump into the window seat, rather than have people scramble over you,\u201d says Wesson. But he points out that if the bus or train isn\u2019t busy, and you\u2019re making a short journey, then there is no real issue.<\/p>\n
Can I sit at a four-seat train table if I\u2019m on my own?
Of course. But if a group gets on, it would be considerate to offer to move. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to, but it\u2019s a nice thing to do,\u201d says Wesson. Otherwise, \u201cIf you need to work and have your laptop out [on the table], then so be it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I ask someone to move so that I can sit next to my friend\/partner?
\u201cIf you really can\u2019t cope without sitting next to them, then yes, that would be fine,\u201d says William Hanson, etiquette expert and director of the English Manner. \u201cAlthough it depends on how busy it is. You also need to be aware that they may say no, and that\u2019s their right.\u201d If you\u2019re aware of a couple being separated by your seat choice, should you move? \u201cIf there is a comparable seat, and they ask nicely, then yes,\u201d says Hanson. \u201cBut sometimes I\u2019ve had it where people come over and go, \u2018Sorry, I want to sit next to my girlfriend\u2019, rather than, \u2018Would you consider moving?\u2019 I think it would depend on how they ask.\u201d<\/p>\n
If I\u2019m sitting in one of the prime front seats at the top of a doubledecker bus, do I have to give it up for children?
How generous are you feeling? \u201cIf they were to come to me politely and say, \u2018Could we maybe swap seats with you?\u2019 then I would,\u201d says Akano. But beware of making assumptions. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t automatically think: \u2018Because they\u2019re children, they would prefer to sit here.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018Many people would consider dogs on seats unacceptable.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
Is it unforgivably rude to move away from a stranger once more seats become available?
No, says Wesson. \u201cIt feels a bit weird when a train suddenly empties and everybody gets off, and then there\u2019s just the two of you sat together. It\u2019s always nice to spread out, and no, you don\u2019t need to explain what you\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I recline my seat on a plane?
If the seat reclines then it\u2019s fair game, even on a short daytime flight, and even if the person behind you is silently seething. Don\u2019t do it during food or drinks service, though. And if you do it, do it slowly. \u201cIt\u2019s worth checking who\u2019s behind you and what\u2019s going on before you dip the seat back,\u201d says Wesson. \u201cMake sure you\u2019re not going to skittle somebody\u2019s drinks all over their lap.\u201d<\/p>\n
Is it acceptable to take up two seats on a bus or train if you have a huge suitcase and there\u2019s nowhere else to put it?
\u201cSometimes there\u2019s no choice, sadly,\u201d says Wesson. \u201cYou\u2019ve got to block something, and it\u2019s either an aisle or a seat, so better to block a seat.\u201d But he adds that the scenario is rare \u2013 there\u2019s usually something you can do, and other people who can help you lift luggage on to a rack. \u201cWe can usually find ways of making things work, with a bit of polite collaboration.\u201d<\/p>\n
Travelling with children and pets<\/p>\n
Is it OK to let my dog sit on a seat?
No, says Hanson. It is potentially tolerable if the dog sits on a mat or blanket on a seat, but \u201cnot during busy periods\u201d. And many people, including those with severe allergies, would consider this unacceptable.<\/p>\n
\u2018Nobody thinks your child is as adorable as you do.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
How much should children be allowed to roam on a plane or a train?
This is tricky, says Wesson. Some people may think it\u2019s sweet, \u201cas a child goes around talking to everybody in the train carriage. I have seen that, and it\u2019s delightful, and shakes everybody out of whichever world they\u2019re in.\u201d And sometimes an energetic preschooler allowed to go on a walkabout is better for everyone than a bored and screeching one confined to their seat. But remember: nobody thinks your child is as adorable as you do. \u201cPeople are often trying to work or relax on a train, so do try to keep your child from disturbing them,\u201d says Wesson. Wandering around occasionally is fine but be mindful of \u201cthe noise and chaos that accompanies it\u201d.<\/p>\n
On personal space and other bodily matters<\/p>\n
Can I lean, louchely, on a pole on a bus or train?
\u201cIt\u2019s not very elegant, but it\u2019s fine,\u201d says Hanson. That is, if the bus or train is relatively empty; otherwise, move out of the way so people can use it to hold on to.<\/p>\n
\u2018Leaning on the pole is not very elegant, but it\u2019s fine.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
What if I accidentally make skin contact with a stranger?
Obviously immediately move back. \u201cSay sorry to the person that you have inadvertently touched, whether you know them or not,\u201d says Hanson. Could you just ignore it? Yes, he says. \u201cIf it was fleeting and they don\u2019t seem to have noticed, I think you could probably get away with it, but even just a hand gesture to say sorry is better than nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Who gets the armrest?
On a plane, the general rule seems to be the person in a middle seat of three gets both armrests. On a bus or train, Hanson advises to view it as \u201can elbow rest, not an armrest\u201d. That way, both of you could probably use it.<\/p>\n
If somebody in the next seat is snoring and dribbling on me, can I wake them up?<\/p>\n
\u2018Touch their shoulder and say: \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, but you were dribbling on me.\u201d Laugh it off if needs be.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
Dribbling, yes; snoring, no. Neither are deliberate, hopefully, but only one really adversely affects you. Hanson advises: \u201cI would touch their elbow or their shoulder and say: \u2018I\u2019m so sorry, but you were dribbling on me.\u2019 Keep it factual. Laugh it off if needs be. They\u2019ll probably be absolutely mortified. Say: \u2018Oh, it\u2019s not a problem. I just thought I\u2019d step in now before I\u2019m drenched.\u2019\u201d With snoring, he says, \u201cthere\u2019s not a lot you can do\u201d.<\/p>\n
Can you ever be too sweaty to use public transport?
Look, it\u2019s not illegal but this comes under consideration for others and context. We all need to get around. Drenched with club sweat on a night bus? Probably fine, given the potential state of the other passengers. Travelling at rush hour after your morning gym session? Not ideal. \u201cIf there is a place for you to shower or freshen up before you get on public transport, I think that is a courtesy for others, particularly at busy periods,\u201d says Hanson.<\/p>\n
How do I deal with manspreading?<\/p>\n
\u2018The general leg aperture rule is nothing bigger than a tennis ball in between your knees.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t manspread back, says Hanson, \u201cbecause two wrongs don\u2019t make a right, whether you are a man, or however you identify. But if you need to adjust yourself slightly pointedly, then that normally does the trick.\u201d He adds: \u201cObviously, don\u2019t use your hands to touch somebody\u2019s leg but you could slightly push against it [with your knee] if you feel emboldened. If you feel comfortable enough, you could always be quite passive aggressive and say something like: \u2018Oh, I\u2019m so sorry \u2013 am I taking up too much space?\u2019\u201d The general leg aperture rule is \u201cnothing bigger than a tennis ball in between your knees\u201d.<\/p>\n
Can I apply makeup on public transport?
Hanson used to say absolutely not, but he\u2019s softened. A quick lipstick refresh, or an elegant pat with a powder compact is \u201cprobably OK but starting-from-scratch makeup, I would say not \u2013 and this is not exclusive to women\u201d. Akano is in agreement about the full face of makeup. \u201cIdeally, you shouldn\u2019t be doing that in a public space, whether on public transport or anywhere else in public,\u201d she says. \u201cI know some people say: \u2018I don\u2019t have the time before I leave home.\u2019 Why don\u2019t you wake up 10 or 15 minutes earlier to give yourself time?\u201d<\/p>\n
What about doing my hair?
No, says Hanson. \u201cGeneral grooming in public is to be kept to an absolute minimum, and I think brushing hair is too much.\u201d<\/p>\n
Or my nails?
\u201cNo, you shouldn\u2019t be doing that in public,\u201d says Akano. \u201cThese are private things and not something that other people should have to witness. You should have done them before you left home.\u201d As for people who clip their toenails on public transport: \u201cThey deserve to be sent to a different planet,\u201d says Hanson.<\/p>\n
Can I apply sunscreen?
If you really have to \u2013 and even then, it should be the minimum amount you need, and ideally not a whole-body dose. It\u2019s fine, says Akano, if \u201cit is a cream or lotion that you can just put a little bit of in your hands, but if it\u2019s a spray, then you\u2019re most likely going to affect other people. It\u2019s really about consideration and awareness of your environment and the people around you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I get changed in a train carriage?
\u201cAbsolutely not,\u201d says Hanson. \u201cYou can remove some clothes \u2013 you could take off a hat, scarf, gloves or even a jumper. But beyond that, no. Small modifications, fine, but not big modifications.\u201d Taking shoes or sandals off is also \u201ca complete no\u201d.<\/p>\n
What should I do if I think I\u2019m about to be sick?
Easy (in theory). \u201cGo to the loo as quickly as possible,\u201d says Hanson, \u201cand hope that you are not sick anywhere other than the loo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I hold on to the overhead bar or strap if I\u2019m wearing a sleeveless top?
How is your underarm hygiene? \u201cIf you know that it\u2019s not good, then it\u2019s not advisable,\u201d says Akano. Even if you are impeccably clean and fragrant, bare armpits at eye level on busy trains and buses is not particularly pleasant, she adds. \u201cIf you\u2019re quite tall, and there are shorter people around you, then that would not be a good experience for them. If you don\u2019t have a choice, then I guess there\u2019s nothing to do because safety is more important. But it\u2019s not something I would necessarily do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eating and drinking<\/p>\n
Can I drink alcohol, even discreetly?
It depends, says Wesson. In some places, such as London and New York, drinking alcohol on public transport is forbidden. \u201cBut on the train I catch to London, they come round with a trolley full of the stuff.\u201d If you are going to enjoy your can of beer or mini bottle of wine, make sure you\u2019re not inconveniencing anyone. \u201cBe conscious that if you\u2019re travelling with somebody else, and you\u2019re both having a drink, the chances are you\u2019re going to be a bit louder because that\u2019s what booze does to us all,\u201d says Wesson.<\/p>\n
Can I eat?
On a packed commuter train: \u201cNothing bigger than a Polo mint,\u201d says Hanson. \u201cMost public transport is riddled with germs, so why do you want to be eating anything in that environment?\u201d On a longer train or coach journey, food is acceptable but nothing \u201cthat you\u2019re going to be able to smell halfway down the carriage\u201d. Hot food, and especially the aromas from fast food, can be particularly offensive, but so can a salad nicoise. \u201cAn orange or a tangerine is one of the most antisocial things to eat,\u201d points out Hanson.<\/p>\n
The social contract\u2018The bus comes, and that\u2019s when some people start rummaging in their bag to get their card.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
Should I have my ticket\/passport\/payment method ready?
You know the bus is coming, or you\u2019re about to have your passport checked, so make sure whatever it is you need is in your hand. \u201cThat way, you don\u2019t hold up a queue of people,\u201d says Akano. \u201cThe bus comes, and that\u2019s when some people start rummaging in their bag to get their card, or whatever it is they\u2019re going to use. It\u2019s the same thing with the barriers at the train stations.\u201d Worse still is when you don\u2019t move out of the way while you search for what you need. \u201cThen we all stand there waiting for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Is it acceptable to have loud conversations on your phone, or on speakerphone?
\u201cSpeakerphone, absolutely not,\u201d says Wesson. \u201cNobody needs to hear both sides of the conversation.\u201d A loud phone conversation is inconsiderate, but sometimes unavoidable. On a train, says Wesson, \u201cYou can always stand up and go into the bit between the carriages if needs be.\u201d Ideally, phone calls should be quiet and quick.<\/p>\n
Can I open the window?
Yes, but it\u2019s polite to ask first, says Wesson. \u201cNine times out of 10, everyone will say: \u2018Thank goodness for that.\u2019\u201d It also establishes some communality, he says, \u201cso that if it becomes a problem for somebody, they can say: \u2018Look, I\u2019m absolutely perishing. Would it be possible to close it for a bit? What does everybody else think?\u2019 It then doesn\u2019t become about one person.\u201d He adds: \u201cJust doing it unilaterally is rarely the right thing to do.\u201d It\u2019s the same with anything else that affects others, such as blinds.<\/p>\n
How can I ask someone to use headphones?
Hanson has a new way he\u2019s so far only tried once. \u201cYou say: \u2018Excuse me \u2013 I don\u2019t think your headphones are connecting.\u2019 When they go: \u2018Oh no, I don\u2019t have headphones\u2019, you go, \u2018Ah, that\u2019ll be why.\u2019 It\u2019s so passive aggressive, which a lot of British etiquette is.\u201d If they\u2019re using headphones and it\u2019s still so loud you can hear it, you might just have to try to ignore it. \u201cI probably would move,\u201d says Hanson.<\/p>\n
Should I give money to people begging on trains?
As long as it\u2019s not illegal in whichever country you\u2019re in, \u201cand if you feel comfortable doing it and you\u2019d like to do it, then yes\u201d, says Hanson. If you don\u2019t want to, it\u2019s rude to pretend to be engrossed in your phone. \u201cSmile at them. They\u2019re a human being.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I sing football songs in a big drunken pack? I\u2019ll take out all the bad language
Akano isn\u2019t a fan of this behaviour. \u201cIt can be quite rowdy, especially if people have been drinking, and it gets uncomfortable,\u201d she says. \u201cI have experienced it enough times, and usually I move carriages, or sometimes I\u2019ve decided to alight and wait for another train.\u201d People chatting about the match is fine, \u201cbut you start singing, and there\u2019s a whole element of chaos and unrest. I feel that is inappropriate because you\u2019re not the only ones there. Show some consideration for other passengers.\u201d<\/p>\n
Can I peruse the book\/paper\/phone screen of someone next to me?<\/p>\n
\u2018They are minding their own business and you should mind your own business as well.\u2019 Illustration: Viki Mladenovski\/The Guardian<\/p>\n
That one is never OK, says Wesson. \u201cWe have such private information on our devices these days, and also you might end up seeing or reading something you didn\u2019t want to.\u201d How about giving someone the answer to the crossword they\u2019re doing? Absolutely not, says Akano. \u201cThey are minding their own business and you should mind your own business as well,\u201d she says. \u201cYou never know who you\u2019re dealing with. Someone might say: \u2018Did I ask for your help?\u2019 I would make a conscious effort to not look.\u201d<\/p>\n
My train is cancelled and everyone\u2019s stranded. Should I offer to share a taxi with fellow passengers?
Consider vulnerability, including your own. \u201cPersonally, I wouldn\u2019t,\u201d says Akano. \u201cMy take on that is to do with safety, being a woman. It\u2019s happened to me before \u2013 I got stuck, in the evening, and we didn\u2019t know when the train tracks might be clear. There were a few people trying to book taxis, and one or two offered me a ride, and I thought, \u2018No, I don\u2019t know these people \u2013 they\u2019re strangers\u2019, so I didn\u2019t take it.\u201d It does depend on the situation, though, she says \u2013 if there is someone you feel more comfortable sharing with, perhaps a mother with small children, things might be different.<\/p>\n
Should I wake a stranger up if I think they\u2019re about to miss their stop?
This one takes some judgment, says Wesson. But if you absolutely know that it\u2019s their stop \u2013 you had a chat earlier, or you overheard them buying their ticket \u2013 you should probably wake them up. \u201cI have friends who fall asleep on trains quite regularly,\u201d he adds, \u201cand the cost of their taxi journeys is enormous and far exceeds the train tickets. I think my advice would be yes.\u201d A gentle nudge in good time should be enough.<\/p>\n
And finally, how do I get out of talking to a chatty stranger on a long journey?
Respond politely at first, says Akano. \u201cThen, if you really don\u2019t want to chat, we all have our phones now, or you might have a book on you. Get it out so they can see that\u2019s the end of the conversation. I think when you do that, most people will tend to hold back on chatting.\u201d If they\u2019re oblivious to all hints, you may just have to pretend it\u2019s your stop and move to another carriage.<\/p>\n
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