As World Mental Health Day approaches on Saturday, October 10, one simple question could be an important way to start a conversation with someone who may be struggling: \u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
For most of us, the question can be easy to ask, but what is more difficult is to follow up when the answer is not the expected \u201cyes, I’m alright, can’t complain, what about you?\u201d<\/p>\n
World Mental Health Day is observed annually on October 10 to raise awareness of mental health issues and mobilise efforts to support mental health around the world.<\/p>\n
This year, the World Health Organization\u2019s theme is \u201cLived experiences heard: real voices, real change\u201d, which aims to highlight the importance of people with lived experience being meaningfully heard and involved in decisions affecting mental health services and support.<\/p>\n
While a single conversation cannot solve someone’s mental health difficulties, opening the door for someone to talk can help reduce the sense that they have to deal with their struggles alone.<\/p>\n
So, what should you say?<\/p>\n
If someone responds to \u201cAre you okay?\u201d by saying they are not doing well, your first instinct may be to immediately offer advice or try to make the problem disappear. While this can be okay, listening can be one of the most useful things you can do.<\/p>\n
When supporting someone who may be struggling, let them know you are concerned, offer a space to talk and reassure them that you are there to listen – and don’t just listen to respond.<\/p>\n
Open questions can also help keep the conversation going. Rather than immediately asking what the person plans to do about their problem, questions such as \u201cHow have you been feeling?\u201d or \u201cWhat has been going on?\u201d can give them an opportunity to explain what they are experiencing.<\/p>\n
You can also say:<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m glad you told me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you want to talk about what’s been happening?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m here to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat would help you right now?\u201d<\/p>\n
The aim is not to have the perfect response. What you are looking for is to create a conversation in which the person feels able to speak without being judged.<\/p>\n
Don’t force someone to talk<\/p>\n
Asking someone if they are okay does not mean they are obliged to open up.<\/p>\n
Do not force someone to talk or even push them into getting help before they are ready. Instead, give them space, listen without judgement and let them know that you are available if they want to talk.<\/p>\n
It can also help to check in again later.<\/p>\n
Someone may not feel comfortable discussing what they are going through during the first conversation. That does not necessarily mean they do not need support.<\/p>\n
The important thing is to keep the door open.<\/p>\n
What if the conversation becomes more serious?<\/p>\n
If someone tells you they are feeling hopeless, that they do not want to live or that they are thinking about suicide, it is important to take what they say seriously.<\/p>\n
The WHO says it is okay to talk about suicide and that asking someone whether they are thinking about suicide does not make them act on those feelings. According to the organisation, asking directly can instead reduce anxiety and help someone feel understood.<\/p>\n
In that situation, you can ask directly and calmly: \u201cAre you thinking about suicide?\u201d<\/p>\n
If the person says they are in immediate danger of harming themselves, professional or emergency support should be sought.<\/p>\n
In South Africa, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) lists its 24-hour toll-free Suicide Crisis Helpline as 0800 567 567. It also lists the Cipla Mental Health Helpline on 0800 456 789, while its office number, 011 234 4837, operates from 8am to 8pm.<\/p>\n
You don’t have to have all the answers<\/p>\n
One of the biggest barriers to starting a mental health conversation can be the fear of saying the wrong thing.<\/p>\n
But checking in with someone does not require you to be a counsellor or necessarily have a solution to their problems. Sometimes, the most useful response is simply to listen.<\/p>\n
You can ask whether the person wants advice or would prefer someone to listen. You can also offer practical support, such as helping them find professional assistance or accompanying them to an appointment if they want that.<\/p>\n
The conversation should not end with one question<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you okay?\u201d does not have to be a one-off question asked because it is World Mental Health Day.<\/p>\n
A genuine check-in can be as simple as sending a message, making a phone call, sitting down with someone over coffee or asking how they have really been doing.<\/p>\n
It is also worth planning conversations around mental health when both people have time and choosing an environment where the discussion feels comfortable.<\/p>\n
For World Mental Health Day, the message is therefore not that one question can fix someone’s mental health.<\/p>\n
It is that asking can create an opportunity to listen \u2013 and sometimes, giving someone the space to say what they are going through is where the conversation begins.<\/p>\n
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