BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (KGET) — Now that Bakersfield is a hotbed for professional stand-up comedy — oh, you missed that memo? — there are a few things you ought to know before you go to a show.

The Well Comedy Club officially opens this weekend with a lineup of professional and semi-professional comedians sure to crack you up, or offend you, or both.

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But it’s a two-pronged attack on seriousness. Even though The Well is sold out, so is the Fox Theater, or nearly so, with Saturday Night Live alum Rob Schneider appearing tonight at the local landmark venue.

What? You’ve never been to a live comedy show? Here are five tips from The Well’s Daniel Betts and Fox Theater Foundation President Gilbert LaRoque that will enhance the experience. Ignore them at your own risk.

Number 1: Respect other patrons.

“We can hear you (on stage), and we may talk back,” Betts said. “Please keep your voice down. People paid to hear the comic, not you, Daryl!”

“You don’t always have to try to be funnier than the comedian that’s on the stage,” LaRoque said.

Number 2:   Put your phone down.

“No need to film every joke that they’re telling,” LaRoque said. “Some of them do have rules (regarding patrons) filming and stuff like that. But, you know, enjoy the show from the side, from watching the show (directly) and not from watching your phone screen.”

Number 3: Don’t heckle.

“Have you ever seen those pictures of people throwing rocks at a tank?” Betts said. “That’s you. In a battle of wits, you are unarmed.”

Number 4:  Jokes may be off-color.

“Anything goes on stage,” Betts said. “If you are easily offended, maybe sit this one out and check out the next Pixar movie at Maya Cinemas, or consider one of our clean comedy shows instead.”

Number 5: Relax.

“You need to come in and just enjoy yourself knowing that you’re going to have a night of laughter,” LaRoque said.

“For 90 minutes, forget about your divorce, custody battle or recent DUI and just have some laughs and a great time,” Betts said, “and let your troubles melt away at The Well Comedy Club.”

Oh, and here’s a bonus tip: Sit front-row center at your own risk.

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