UC Berkeley’s libraries are the centerpieces of academic life — the spots where generational lock-ins, endless doomscrolls and late-night conversations all unfold between bookshelves. Whether students have a special preference for one library in particular or others they detest with passion, one thing is certain: Our libraries, just like us students, have traits and quirks of their own. Now, picture a world where each library woke up human and banded together in a friend group to take over campus.
Morrison Library
As the sleepy, soft-spoken mom friend of the group, they plan their schedule and hangouts around their nap time. Their old soul values aesthetics and prioritizes personal comfort and kindness toward everyone. They would never be caught wearing shoes indoors, and they easily win people over with their warm charm. They value spending time alone in their secret nook on campus and, as true academics, take pride in prioritizing their education. This means you’re more likely to find them with a Moleskine notebook and fountain pen in their hands than hunching over a laptop any day. Treat them with ultimate respect, and if you’re looking to get on their good side, bring them your favorite book as an offering.
Doe Library
An extrovert who shines and radiates energy, Doe can’t cross campus without greeting everyone in their path. They have the looks, charisma and the wide social connections to be a natural leader and advocate. Their popularity means they don’t understand what it means to have an inside voice and might even shout incoherently from time to time, only to be shushed by those around them. They will never turn down an opportunity to hang out and may be seen as distractors by their more academic peers. Overpowering others easily is what they do best, and what they desire most is the spotlight. Don’t try to outdo them in social situations and appreciate them for what they do best: bringing people together.
Main Stacks
As the intimidating stoic, this is a student no one should cross. Their aloof personality guarantees they leave a bad first impression on you. Although they might come off as rude, their calm demeanor makes them easy to be around for long hours, and once you win them over, they will be your most loyal friend. They operate on a nocturnal clock and won’t hesitate to bring you along for their late-night excursions on campus. They might be blunt, but they are never fake, and would never try to be someone they’re not. If you ever get tired of Doe’s intense presence, just follow the silent path toward the lair underneath the chaos, and you might just come out with your new best friend.
Long Business Library
As the LinkedIn warrior, Long Business Library is plagued by an unfounded superiority complex. This is the student who peaked in high school, became a victim of imposter syndrome at UC Berkeley, and has been locked in ever since. Constantly pushing themselves to the limit, they are competitive, ambitious and, despite being disorganized and a little weird, their resume is cracked. Under their own self-imposed pressure, they easily descend into panic, overheating at the slightest failure. Embrace the fact that upon entering their friendship, you’re just another network connection. Treat them with support, and bring them a handheld fan.
Moffitt Library
They are the students who dropped out mid semester and haven’t been seen since. As a controversial figure on campus, they won’t hesitate to Irish goodbye everyone when they feel like they need a personal rebrand. In their prime, they drew crowds of friends larger than Doe’s, but their flightiness and inability to commit to anything long-term made them unreliable and prone to falling into an identity crisis. They are deeply missed by all, even those who have had sour encounters with them. Speak of them with love, not hate, because rumor has it they will be making their reappearance on campus soon.
Our libraries might be flawed, imperfect and full of clashing personalities, but this dysfunctional group is what holds our campus together. Next time you find yourself wanting to sit among the comforting embrace of a library, just remember, they are just Golden Bears of another design.