For most San Francisco parents, it’s nearly impossible to calculate the true cost of child care.
Sure, they may know the baseline numbers — that the nanny costs $4,000 a month, daycare sets them back $3,200, the aftercare program that bridges the gap between the 3 p.m. bell and the 6 p.m. work email costs $600 a week. Or that the AP physics tutor runs $150 an hour.
But that doesn’t account for the invisible ledger: the time invested in searching for summer camps, the nanny who deserves a pay raise, or the frantic search for backup care when a preschool shuts down for a lice outbreak, which in this market, runs $40 an hour. It doesn’t factor in the sheer cost of living in a place where having “a village” often means buying a plane ticket for a grandparent to fly in from another state. And it certainly doesn’t plan for a week of no school due to a teachers strike that left the parents of 50,000 kids precariously balancing work and child care.
How much does child care actually cost in this city? A hell of a lot.
San Francisco is attempting to release the pressure valve. A new city program offers free child care to families earning less than $230,000 and 50% subsidies for those making up to $310,000. It is a significant expansion of subsidized child care designed to make one of the world’s most expensive cities livable. But for many, the math is still punishing. Even high-earning households find that the decision to have a second or third child isn’t just a biological question — it’s a financial ultimatum between rent, tuition, and whether to stay in the city or flee.
We asked eight families — from the Mission to the Marina, and low to high earners — to tell us what they make, what they spend on child care, and what cartwheels they are turning to find an arrangement that works. Everyone spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to reveal intimate details about their personal finances.
The following interviews have been edited for length and clarity. Salaries and child-care expenses are self-reported.
The management consultant wife and her entrepreneur husband
Neighborhood: Hayes Valley
Kids: Ages 4, 18 months, and a baby on the way
Combined household income: $600,000
Child-care spend: $108,000 per year
The cost breakdown: When I checked my finance app, the total came to $108,000, which is completely jarring. The biggest line item is daycare for our 1-year-old, which runs $44,000 a year, followed by our part-time nanny, who costs around $36,000 a year. Our 4-year-old was in daycare from January to July, costing another $15,500, but once they started transitional kindergarten in August, that expense dropped to just $3,500 for aftercare. And then there’s the cost of babysitters for date nights, etc. Our arrangement is essentially “daycare until public school.”
Why this setup: Our survival?! We chose daycare over a nanny initially because we didn’t have the physical space in our home. We eventually realized we needed additional part-time help because daycare closed before we could get there for pickup. With our work schedules — one of us has a rigid job with travel — relying only on two working parents became impossible.
The financial reality: My husband’s income is variable, but we are largely just covering the bills after we fund our 401(k)s. We chose public TK specifically to save more — we feel very, very fortunate that the SFUSD lottery worked in our favor.
The trade-offs: We are saving less than we’d like to. The child-care cost also means much less flexibility in our careers; neither of us can take a step back or spend more time with the kids because of the costs.
The “more kids” question: We are pregnant with our third child. It felt like, if we wanted to have a larger family, getting into public school was the only feasible path.
The dry-cleaning delivery driver husband and his Starbucks manager wife
Neighborhood: The Marina
Kids: Ages 13 and 4
Combined household income: $140,000
Child-care spend: Less than $4,000 per year (The family qualifies for city-subsidized child care.)
The cost breakdown: Our 13-year-old is in SFUSD, and our 4-year-old is in subsidized preschool. Before he aged into that last April, we couldn’t afford daycare or a full-time nanny, so we hired a part-time nanny for three days a week and juggled our schedules. My wife manages a Starbucks, so she would work weekends so one of us could always be home.
Why this setup: We made it work by hiring a nanny who was an old classmate of mine from middle school. She gave us a “friends and family” discount. We still use her for school holidays and breaks, which costs us about $4,000 a year.
The financial reality: I was born and raised in San Francisco, and we live in the rent-controlled apartment my parents moved into in the 1970s. Our rent for a two-bedroom in the Marina is about $1,077 a month. If we didn’t have that, we wouldn’t be here. Rent isn’t the issue, but everything else is: gas and food. We are essentially living paycheck to paycheck. We have 401(k)s, but we aren’t comfortable.
The trade-offs: Space and mobility. With two kids, our apartment is getting cramped. We have thought about moving several times, but we don’t have the luxury to leave this lease.
The SF factor: The margins here are terrifyingly thin. When we enrolled our son in preschool last year, we qualified for the free subsidy only because we made exactly $1,000 less than the income cap. Having your survival hang on a margin that thin is wild.
The biotech founder husband and his product-designer husband
Neighborhood: The Castro
Kids: Age 1 and a baby on the way
Household income: $425,000
Child-care spend: $18,000 per year (plus a massive upfront investment)
The cost breakdown: We have a nanny two days a week. The rest of the week, our “village” covers us: My parents watch our baby twice a week, and my husband’s parents watch him one or two times a week.
The financial reality: For us, the “cost of child care” started long before the baby was born. As a gay couple, we don’t get IVF insurance coverage; it is entirely cash pay. We stopped counting, but the cost to have just one child via surrogacy was north of $300,000. It is an incredibly “lossy” process — you can end up paying for steps multiple times when things don’t work out. So while our annual nanny bill is relatively low because of the grandparents, the entry fee to parenthood is massive.
The trade-offs: We drive an older car that we’re not actually sure fits two car seats. (We’ll see!) We are staying put in our three-bedroom home, even though it could start feeling small with two kids. We are saving as much as we can because we know the costs will only go up as the kids get older.
The “more kids” question: We are having a second boy in July. Ultimately, we decided we would be willing to change our lifestyle to accommodate a second child rather than stop at one.
The SF factor: We recently looked at houses in the suburbs, just to see. We walked around a nice neighborhood in the East Bay, and then we came back to San Francisco and went to Golden Gate Park. We met a cool gay couple rollerblading with their son, and an awesome single mom, and we realized: We can’t leave. That feeling of community is worth the trade-offs.
The part-time cashier single parent
Neighborhood: Richmond
Kids: 6, 4, and 3 years old
Household income: $18,000
Child-care spend: Free (The family qualifies for city-subsidized child care.)
An interpreter translated this conversation from Cantonese to English.
The cost breakdown: I am a single mom raising three kids. I work part-time as a cashier. Since they were very small, they went to daycare, then switched to preschool. During the day, I send them to those organizations, and at night I pick them back up and take care of them myself. Sometimes, my mom helps a bit.
The financial reality: My W-2 this year showed $18,000. Rent right now is $540 for two bedrooms because of the Section 8 housing subsidy. Because I work part time, the wages are just enough to maintain the phone bill, electricity, and rent. I have government food stamps. But prices now are really too expensive. I have to be very frugal. My husband and I separated right when my youngest daughter was born. The court said he must pay alimony, but he has not paid.
The trade-offs: In the last eight years, prices have gotten so expensive. Before, $100 could buy a lot of things. Now, $100 buys very few things. You need very high wages to afford the usual expenses. I have thought about moving because San Francisco is too expensive. But I am waiting for the kids to finish school, until they are more self-sufficient. Then I might move away to a small town that is not so expensive.
The “more kids” question: No. No. Very hard work.
The SF factor: I like San Francisco. I came here 20 years ago. But the prices and public safety — everything is very bad. So I am really a bit worried. Also, if [the new] child-care subsidies run out in 2032, I believe living will be very difficult for many families. It might cause people to move away.
The lawyer wife and her lawyer husband
Neighborhood: Mission
Kids: Ages 5 years, 2 years, and 5 months
Household income: $3.5 million (stock-dependent; base salaries $600,000)
Child-care spend: $160,000 per year
The cost breakdown: I did the math this morning, and child care is hovering around $160,000 for the year. My oldest is in private school ($39,000 tuition plus $3,600 for extended care). Our nanny has been with us for four years, so she’s at $35 per hour, working about 40 hours a week. On top of that, her daughter started babysitting a few times a week, which is another $500 a week. Add in date-night sitters, and it adds up fast. My husband actually just quit his job because of the “three kids situation.” It’s not forever, but he’s going to step back for the next six or eight months because it’s a full-time job just managing the kids outside of work.
Why this setup: My husband’s family has a bias toward private school — his dad actually founded an independent school. I felt the San Francisco public school situation seemed chaotic, so I was swayed: If we can afford private school now, let’s do it while we can. If we were to move to public school, we would likely leave San Francisco entirely.
The financial reality: I am at a hyper-growth company, so a lot of my compensation is in stock. Last year, the company did very well, so combined we made probably $3.5 million. But that is way higher than our actual salaries. Our combined base salaries are around $600,000. Our base pay covers rent and the nanny — but not private school tuition, not food, not travel. We rely on the stock to cover everything else. It’s scary, because the stock is extremely volatile; this year our income will go down, likely to around $1 million, especially with my husband stepping away from work.
The trade-offs: We don’t want to get a mortgage right now. It scares me thinking of that kind of commitment. We rent a three-bedroom apartment in a new building, which is rare to find, but it is small. That looms over us: Do we stay in SF and try to buy a house? Do we move to Marin, New York, or Europe?
The SF factor: The math on child care is shocking — our spend is basically my whole after-tax salary. We love San Francisco, but we don’t think we’re going to stay here forever.
The social media specialist wife (job hunting) and her automotive engineer husband
Neighborhood: Noe Valley
Kids: Age 2
Combined household income: $190,000
Child-care spend: Last year $30,000, now free (The family qualifies for city-subsidized child care.)
The cost breakdown: Right now, it’s daycare plus Mom. Until our son was 18 months old, we had a nanny for four hours a day. Then he began attending daycare, where we were eligible for a partial subsidy that covered half the cost (leaving us to pay about $1,500 per month). Now, thanks to the mayor’s new initiative, the full cost is covered.
The financial reality: We moved here from China about a year and a half ago, and the sticker shock was intense. In China (and in Spain, where we both are from), caregivers help with the household — cooking, cleaning, everything. I was freaking out when I realized nannies here charge $30-plus an hour just to watch the baby and won’t help prep food or organize the home. Big picture, relying on one income means we are essentially living month-to-month. We can save a little, but not much. We are nearly 35, and we don’t own a home yet. That is our big goal for the next five years.
The trade-offs: Taking care of the baby delayed my search for a new job. I’m currently looking to pivot my career from social media to something in AI or tech, but it’s hard to find the time to study and search.
The SF factor: The infrastructure for kids here is amazing — the playgrounds, the libraries, the museums. China and Spain don’t have this quality of public space for children.
The consultant wife and her tech executive husband
Neighborhood: Mission
Kids: Ages 2 and 2 months old
Combined household income: $1 million
Child-care spend: $23,000 per year
The cost breakdown: We use an in-home daycare about five blocks away for our toddler. I work from home as a consultant, and until he was 18 months old, I kept him home with me. But I realized I was doing him a disservice. I couldn’t get work done, and I was just distracting him with TV rather than giving him something enriching.
Why this setup: We chose daycare over a nanny purely because of space. We own an apartment in a classic Victorian, which isn’t terribly big. I didn’t want a third adult in our space while my husband and I were both trying to work.
The financial reality: Right now, we are sitting really comfortably. We are saving for retirement and have started college funds for the kids. But we are only comfortable because we are in this exact housing situation. We bought our condo in the Mission in 2021 when people said “San Francisco is over,” so we got a three-bedroom for $1.5 million. If we were to buy a home with space for a guest room and an office for me, it would cost closer to $3 million.
The trade-offs: The trade-off is almost entirely about square footage. My 2-year-old’s bedroom used to be my office, so now I don’t have a workspace. We don’t have a guest room, which creates a ripple effect: We can’t host the grandparents who live on the other side of the country, so we lose out on that help. We rarely hire babysitters because a single night out for dinner and a show costs $600. Unless family is in town, we don’t go on dates.
The SF factor: People are always asking if we’re going to leave the city now that we have two kids. We could move closer to family and have free child care, but our salaries wouldn’t be nearly as high. Staying here is the best financial decision for our income, but the cost is that we are doing it without a village.
The public school teacher wife and her private chef wife
Neighborhood: Excelsior
Kids: 6 years old
Household income: $210,000 per year
Child-care spend: Free The cost breakdown: We chose a public school, which has no cost, and we do not pay for before or aftercare. We rely on grandparents. My son’s school ends at 2:50 p.m., so three days a week, the grandparents pick him up. One day a week, I leave work early to pick him up, and one day a week my wife leaves early.
Why this setup: Partly because grandparents want to be involved and want a role. Partly because our child is a little anxious and we didn’t want too long of a school day. And then also because of cost. We paid for a private outdoor preschool for a period of time, and it was a lot.
The financial reality: We lived with family for 10 years to actively save. When our son started public elementary school, we bought a house. So we went from living with family to having a mortgage in San Francisco. Now, neither one of us can afford to change careers and make less money.
The “more kids” question: We have talked about it, but child-care costs factor into it because there’s no public school for babies. Our parents are awesome and amazing, but asking them to take care of an infant and pick up a kid is a lot. We mostly lean toward probably not having another child.
The SF factor: Living in San Francisco, you either need to make a lot of money or you have to have a support network. I see it in my students all the time. Most don’t have money, but they have strong family ties — cousins, aunts, and uncles are picking them up. That’s what we have. We both grew up here. It’s home. But I don’t make much as a teacher, and she doesn’t make much as a chef. Without family, we would not be able to live here.