The challenges of fatherhood take several forms.
For some men, the difficulties stem from not having had a proper father figure to learn from, or from unexpected battles with postpartum depression.
The biggest hurdle for first-time dad Austin Nieves was finding male camaraderie.
Sure, there are popular social media accounts that offer practical help. But where were all the father’s clubs and help, he wondered.
I spoke with Nieves last week, who created two such father groups — Orange County Dads and Santa Barbara Dads — for fathers looking for bonding and shared experiences.
Here’s some of our conversation.
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The science behind the struggles of fatherhood
Studies have shown that as fathers have taken a more active role in child rearing, they’ve faced loneliness, doubt and confusion.
Researchers Chris Knoester and David J. Eggebeen wrote in 2006 in the “Journal of Family Issues” that fatherhood leads “to declines in feelings of well-being and participation in social activities” as fathers spend less time with friends.
Clinical psychologists Hillary Halpern and Maureen Perry-Jenkins documented that the transition from single life to fatherhood is often accompanied by a roller coaster of emotions.
And researchers from Stockholm’s Karolinska Institute determined in a 2021 study that fathers might require help “during their transition to fatherhood.
Solutions found in bonding
One such way to assist men is specifically a group for fathers, according to the 2021 study.
Men “were mostly satisfied with participating in father groups and described that they positively impacted their relationship with their partner and child.”
Nieves agreed that his leisure time and focus changed sharply after the birth of his child, Hudson, now 3 years old, as did his friend group updates.
“They were talking about all this crazy fun or TV shows, and I was talking about my son being able to lift his head,” Nieves said. “That’s when I knew I had to branch out.”
Next steps
Nieves, then living in Costa Mesa with his wife, Katie, created the Orange County Dads club in October 2023.
His group of merry men held meetups at coffee shops, beer halls and the zoo, hosted holiday hootenannies and even offered CPR classes.
Its success helped spawn a chapter in the Whittier area.
After moving to Santa Barbara in April 2025, Nieves established a Santa Barbara-based dads group in May 2025.
Santa Barbara’s version of UK sensation
Perhaps the Santa Barbara Dads’ most successful event was the May 22 Pints and Ponytails gathering at Goleta’s Captain Fatty’s Brewery.
Goleta’s version of the viral U.K.-inspired event was sold out.
The idea is to have expert hairstylists train uninitiated or intimidated fathers on how to comb and braid their kids’ hair, using salon-type head mannequins in a setting for bros.
Six mannequin heads and an hour of instruction for 15 men came courtesy of Santa Barbara cosmetologist Chi Jou “Belle” Lin, who offers area mobile services.
“I saw the social media post and a lot of people reached out to me to teach the class,” Lin said. “I had to help.”
She also taught the fathers basic hair-care techniques, including shampooing, detangling, checking for lice and how to tie ponytails and braids.
What one dad thought
Austin Jones, a Santa Barbara-based real estate agent and investor, was intrigued as he’s battled the hair-care needs of his 2½-year-old daughter, Noa, and her textured, curly locks.
In a short while, Jones had gained enough confidence in whipping his mannequin’s hair into a ponytail that he vowed to try with his daughter soon.
“I’m a husband, a dad and businessman, and it ends up being a lot of hats but very little support, at times,” Jones said. “It’s nice to find people in the trenches with you.”
Check out the entire story here.
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