My Brooklyn brother called to inquire how I was surviving the excessive heat we’d been having.
I told him we’re fine, as we’ve been staying home with the air conditioning. I told him that we expect to be returning to our normal magnificent weather very soon.
It was an opportunity for him to complain about our climate, even though the typical temperature where he resides tends to range between 100 above and 20 below.
Not impeded by the heat, I did drive to Scripps Clinic in Carmel Mountain where I had a scheduled doctor’s appointment.
The good news is that the visit was covered by my health insurance.
Unfortunately, the clinic is located across the street from Costco.
Normally, I would ask our dear friend and neighbor, who regularly shops there, if she wouldn’t mind picking up a few items for us, and she’s always happy to comply.
Her name is Marguerite, and it turns out, she’s the best asset we found in our search for a home years ago. Better even than that lovely view, the nearby mall, or even our beautiful tree-lined street.
And we didn’t even pay extra for her presence.
She’s always happy to pick up a few items for us when she shops at Costco. Typically, it’s just a few necessities we’d request, as opposed to the needless items I tend to purchase when I shop there myself.
The thing that’s always on my list is one of those delicious rotisserie chickens.
At a fabulous price of only $4.99.
I hand her a $5 bill and tell her to keep the change.
If I’m shopping there myself, I’ll certainly buy that bargain chicken, but wind up spending an added $300.
Or more!
That was the case last week when I had that doctor’s appointment.
The problem is that not only didn’t we need most of the items I purchased, I really can’t recall what I actually bought.
Except, of course, for that glistening chicken.
Unfortunately, the store is located some 20 miles away, so there’s the cost of gas, not to mention the hundreds of dollars spent on items I not only didn’t need, but can’t even recall.
If it wasn’t for that doctor visit, I’d easily be ahead by at least $300.
But without that delicious chicken.
And so, our solution has always been Dear Marguerite.
She’s always happy to pick up that chicken for us. The bag holding it says that it weighs only 3 pounds, but it’s usually a lot heavier. The one Marguerite picked out, for example, weighed in at well over 4 pounds.
Who knew, when we bought our home, we’d wind up with such a valued neighbor?
If we ever sold, we’d be wise to ask for an additional fortune simply because of her presence.
It might not be an amount we’d actually receive, but she remains a huge and wonderful gift.
In any case, I’d be wise to mention her in any future promotion.
The ad would probably read something like this:
“For sale: Lovely single-story home on a quiet cul-de-sac, near the mall, with great views, and Dear Marguerite across the street.”
Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. Contact him at irverdos@aol.com.