Last year, as I listened to Supervisor Myrna Melgar address parents in the auditorium of my children’s elementary school in the wake of a terrible tragedy, I had an odd thought: I bet she’s an eldest daughter.
What can I say, like recognizes like. As the oldest of three siblings, my spidey sense tingled as she spoke both empathetically and directly, taking charge in the particular way that oldest daughters do when the family is in crisis.
This week, when Melgar joined me on “PST,” I learned that my hunch was correct. She is the oldest of five sisters and had from an extremely young age been the adult they needed, despite being a child herself. “My mom left us when I was 5, so I’m the mom in the family,” she explained. When Melgar was a teenager, one sister told her that an adult family member had been sexually assaulting her and their other sisters.
“I cannot describe to you that feeling of powerlessness and guilt that I felt at having not been able to protect them,” Melgar told me.
As an adult, and the mother to three girls, Melgar has turned that powerlessness into action. In particular, she’s leading the charge to support victims of sexual assault in San Francisco.
Melgar and Emily Dreyfuss in the podcast studio on Tuesday. | Source: Morgan Ellis/The Standard
She has held hearings about staffing up the Special Victims Unit of the San Francisco Police Department. She was also the first city official to walk back an endorsement of Manny Yekutiel after an accuser came forward describing an alleged sexual assault.
“I am disappointed that in a city where we say ‘believe victims’ — I was the only one,” said Melgar. “ We talk about how we’re such a progressive city, but these issues are personal.”
After The Standard revealed this summer that the SFPD was routinely not investigating rape and assault allegations, Melgar called another hearing to demand reform.
That hearing happened last week and began with the police chief, metaphoric hat in hand, admitting that the department must do better. “We’ve heard the concerns raised about SVU, and I take them seriously,” said SFPD Chief Derrick Lew. “ We also come to this conversation with humility. There are things we believe we are doing well, and there are areas where we know we need to get better.”
Afterward, Melgar sat down with me to discuss why this issue is so personal to her, the changes she wants to see from the police and city leadership, why consent and accountability matter in the straight and gay communities, and how both men and women are deeply hurt when the grownups in the room fail in their primary duty: keeping people safe.
Listen to the episode on YouTube (opens in new tab), Apple Podcasts (opens in new tab), Spotify (opens in new tab), or wherever you find your podcasts.