Sometimes you’re lucky enough to show up to a sporting event, and the team treats you to a piece of shit shirt that stays buried in your closet until you end up moving. You pull the shirt out of the closet and think to yourself, “oh yeah, I forgot when I got this”, and then you put it into the donate pile. 

Maybe you get a bobblehead that slightly resembles a player if you squint really hard and look at it from 75 feet away. Maybe you get a weird sponsored item like a GEICO mini-stick that breaks the first time you use it. Either way, fan giveaway items are usually pretty shit. 

That is, of course, unless you’re a fan of the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. That’s right, bitches. I’m ready to consider the Ducks mighty again. They’ve got the shield logo back. They’re one of the best teams in the league. They score a shit ton of goals. And they have the best giveaways in the league. 

Those Ducks clogs are something that you’d wear to get married in. Are you a Ducks fan with a wedding coming up around Christmas? Boom! You just got your footwear locked in for the big night. You’d wear those clogs to a court hearing. You’d wear those clogs to a funeral. You’d wear those clogs to go visit your wife’s boyfriend’s family for the first time. Moral of the story is that they’re the type of shoes you wear constantly because they are that good. 

And that’s after the Ducks already handed out these treasures at the home opener earlier this year. 

I’m not a memorabilia collector by any stretch. I never understood how certain items could be worth so much money. But I can understand how someone would end up spending thousands and thousands of dollars on one of these masks. 

And if somehow you were lucky enough to be in attendance for the mask giveaway AND the shoe giveaway? Brother. You are one Charlie Conway jersey away from having the greatest fit ever assembled. 

The Quack Attack is so back. 

@JordieBarstool